In Which
by OnyxvanGem
Summary: A series of wibbley-wobbley, timey-wimey unrelated or semi-related Crack!one-shots from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint. Featuring OC!everyone! Enjoy, sweeties! Warning: some stories may be slightly more mature, but I'm going to try to stay PG13.XD
1. A Dalek Wants to Have the Doctor's Kids

**Hello everyone! This is the first in a series of unrelated Doctor Who one-shots. I do not own any of the characters, only the ideas, and if you read a story similar to mine and I have copied them, please tell me and I'll edit my story accordingly, or at the very least, give them credit. If anyone has any crack!one-shot requests, please review and tell me. **

**-OnyxvanGem**_**  
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><p><em><strong>In which…<strong>_

_A Dalek Wants to Have the Doctor's Children_

"Pond, Rory, River, run!" the Doctor ordered, holding up the satellite dish to block the attack of the stone Dalek. He backed away from the Dalek, waiting for the inevitable firing of the Dalek's ray gun. To his surprise, it never came.

"DOCTOR," called the Dalek. The Doctor paused for a moment.

"Doctor, what are you doing!" called Amy, ignoring the prodding of River to jump down a hatch into the museum.

"Move along, Pond. I can handle this," the Doctor said and Amy huffed, finally consenting to River's prodding.

"DOCTOR, I-HAVE-WAITED-TO-MEET-YOU-FOR-2,000-YEARS," said the Dalek, moving towards the Doctor. The Doctor frowned.

"You wanted to meet me?" he asked, lowering the satellite dish completely.

"YES, DOCTOR. I-AM-YOUR-BIGGEST-FAN," the Dalek said and the Doctor almost fell over. The Dalek was his biggest fan? What?

"What? You like me?" he asked and the Dalek's eye-stalk moved up and down rapidly. The Doctor blew out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"DOCTOR, I-WANT-YOU-TO-LOVE-ME," the Dalek said and the Doctor tensed up once more.

"Excuse me?"

"I-WANT-TO-HAVE-YOUR-BABIES, DOCTOR!" the Dalek said, moving quickly towards the Doctor. The Doctor held up the satellite dish once more.

"Stay back," he warned, backing quickly towards the hatch.

"DOCTOR, I-WANT-TO-BE-WITH-YOU-FOREVER. LET-ME-HAVE-YOUR-CHILDREN," the Dalek said and the Doctor quickly looked between the Dalek and the hatch.

"Erm…gotta go!" he said, quickly jumping and sonic-ing the hatch shut.

"What took you so long?" River asked once the Doctor had finished sealing the hatch. He looked between River, Amy, and Rory, frowning. The Doctor shook his head.

"You don't want to know. Anyway, about that Pandorica…" the Doctor said, walking quickly away. River and Amy exchanged a glance before they both shook their heads and followed the Doctor away.


	2. The Master Laughs at Himself

**Hey peoples! So this is the second installment of my crack!one shot story. It takes place in the End Of Time between parts 1 and 2. I've decided to update this story once a week probably so new chapter every Saturday. Yay XD**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**OnyxvanGem  
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><p><em><strong>In Which…<strong>_

_The Master Laughs at Himself_

The Master was having a great day. He'd just finished his latest plan to take over the world, successfully, of course, and had turned every human into himself. He was in a splendid mood, that is, until he had left the room that held the Immortality Gate and found himself arguing with himself.

"Stop it!" one of the Masters demanded, face red. This Master was dressed in a pink knee length dress and a pair of Mary Jane heels. The other Master, who was dressed in a gray suit, was laughing and pointing at the Master in the dress. The Master frowned.

"What's going on?" he asked himselves. The Master in the dress turned to him, pouting.

"He's laughing at me," said the pink Master. The formally dressed Master reached up and wiped a tear from his eye. The original Master raised an eyebrow.

"Really? I didn't realize," he said sarcastically. The pink Master scowled. "Why are you laughing at him?" he asked the formal Master.

"That dress is not flattering at all!" the laughing Master said, laughing harder.

"I think it's pretty," said the pink Master and the original Master's jaw dropped.

"You think it's pretty?" the original Master asked. Maybe making everyone into himself wasn't such a smart idea after all…

"He thinks he's pretty!" the laughing Master gasped out, laughing even harder, nearly turning purple from the lack of breathing he was doing.

"Make him stop," the pink Master demanded, stomping his foot. The original Master chuckled, his chuckle soon falling into hysterically evil laughter, which the rest of the Masters who weren't wearing dresses soon copied. Shaking his head, the original Master walked back into the room that held the Immortality Gate, still laughing.

"What's so funny?" the Doctor asked from his place in the chair in the center of the room.

"If I let you live, remind me never to stamp my foot in a dress," the Master said, finally calming down, if only slightly.

"What?" the Doctor asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"Never mind then," the Master said, walking over to the Masters at the computer. "I have a world to run."


	3. The 4th Doctor Loses his Scarf

**Hey peoples, **

**This is a day later then I had anticipated due to my getting sick and basically sleeping through yesterday entirely. Anyway, this chapter is my attempt at doing something that relates to the older series. If I got anywhere near to how the fourth Doctor or his companion acts, please tell me so I can feel a little bit better about myself. XD**

**OnyxvanGem**_**  
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><p><em><strong>In Which…<strong>_

_The Fourth Doctor Loses His Scarf_

The Doctor was confused. Confused and annoyed. He was annoyed, confused, and worried, but mainly confused. Why was he confused? His scarf was gone. His gigantically huge, lengthy, multicolored scarf. Gone.

"Leela, we have a crisis," he said, walking into the control room of his Tardis. Leela pulled out her knife.

"What is it, Doctor? Do I have to remove something from the Tardis? Should I go grab my Janus toms?" Leela asked, glancing around the control room, tensed for battle.

"No, it's much worse," the Doctor said.

"How could it be worse?" Leela asked, eyebrows raised.

"I can't find my scarf!" he cried, running his hands through his mop of curly hair.

"How could you possibly lose your scarf! It's like fifty feet long!" Leela asked, stuffing her knife back into its sheath.

"It's only thirty six feet long…but that's not the point! I would give my jelly babies to find that scarf!" he said. Leela sighed.

"K-9, do you know where the Doctor's scarf is?" she asked the robotic dog that had just made its way into the control room.

"Negative. Last warabouts of scarf are unknown," K-9 said, ears twitching. The Doctor frowned deeply.

"Cheer up, Doctor. I'm sure you'll find it around here somewhere…meanwhile, why don't you just wear one of your other ones?"

"It wouldn't be the same…" the Doctor said, shaking his head sadly. He wanted his scarf back. He missed his scarf.

~**Some Time in the Future~**

"Hey Doctor, there's something wrapped around the Tardis controls," Rory Williams called and the Doctor furrowed his eyebrows. Something wrapped around the controls? What would be able to sneak inside his Tardis and wrap around his controls?

"What does it look like?" he called back, pushing a button on the control panel.

"It's really long, sort of yellow and red and green, and kind of feels like yarn," Rory said and the Doctor froze.

"It can't be…no, that's not possible," he said, darting down to the second level of controls to look at what Rory was describing. Sure enough, there it was. All thirty-six feet of multicolored yarn-y goodness.

"Doctor, what is it?" Rory asked. The Doctor pulled the object out of the controls and wrapped it several times around his thin neck, more times then he'd had to do during the regeneration that actually wore this scarf.

"My scarf…I lost it during my 4th regeneration…I thought I'd never see it again," he marveled and Rory looked at him incredulously.

"You lost that thing? It's gigantic," Rory said and the Doctor frowned.

"Hush, you," he said, walking back up to the controls, tripping on the scarf several times along the way. In truth, he had no idea how he'd actually managed to lose his scarf, and he had a feeling he truly didn't want to know.


	4. The Pandorica Opens

** Ciao Amici! So this is my usual Saturday chapter! And this one actually makes a little sense! Sort of... not really... oh well. XD **

**This chapter is set during the episode where, duh, the Pandorica opens. This is a little crack to make it seem even more awesome. Doctor!Bashing fun time! Enjoy!**

**OnyxvanGem  
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><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Pandorica Opens_

"Pond, I wouldn't touch that," the Doctor said, pulling Amy away from the large cube. Amy frowned.

"Why not?" she asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"This is the Pandorica. But, how is that possible? I thought it was a myth," he trailed off, a confused yet dreamy look on his face.

"Not a myth, sweetie," River said and the Doctor reached up, running a hand over the metal box. Something inside it moved.

"Inside this box, there's the most dangerous being in the universe…and it's about to break free," the Doctor said with a grin. Amy stepped back, watching in horror as the large circles on the sides of the box spun quickly. Faster and faster they spun until they suddenly stopped with a metallic clang.

"What do you think is in there?" Amy asked with a gulp. River pulled out her blaster.

"I don't know, but I'm ready for it," she said as the door swung open, bathing them in white, blinding light. Amy, having shut her eyes to keep from being blinded, slowly opened them and peered into the Pandorica. It was empty.

"Well, that was anticlimactic," said River, putting her gun back into its holster.

"Yeah, you'd think something would be in it would-" Amy was cut off by a slightly feminine shriek of terror. She looked up and saw the Doctor backing away from…a tiny white kitten.

"River! Pond! Do something! Help me!" the Doctor said franticly, his long arms flailing about in fright.

"It's a kitten, sweetie," River said, walking over and picking up the kitten. It mewed adorably and the Doctor squeaked, holding up his arms to shield his face.

"It's not just a kitten! It's evil!" he insisted. Amy giggled, walking over next to River and scratching the top of the kitten's fluffy white head.

"There's nothing to be frightened of," Amy said as the kitten licked her hand, purring.

"No! Pond! It's going to eat you!" the Doctor exclaimed, arms flailing once again. He shoved Amy behind him and tried to, unsuccessfully, knock the kitten out of River's hands. River sighed.

"Fine then sweetie, if you're so sure this adorable thing is so evil…" she said, walking back to the opening and setting the kitten back in the Pandorica.

"Aw, couldn't I keep it?" Amy asked, pouting.

"No," the Doctor said quickly, slamming the Pandorica shut and hurrying quickly away. Amy and River glanced at each other for a moment and then promptly broke into peals of laughter.

"Who knew he was scared of _kittens_ of all things?" Amy asked, wiping a tear from her eye.

"I did," River giggled, shaking her head.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier!" Amy inquired, taking several deep breaths to calm herself once again.

"Spoilers," River said, a grin stretching across her face. Still giggling, the two companions left the chamber that held the Pandorica. Neither one ever saw the evil grin that stretched across the face of the white kitten, nor did they hear the meowed evil laughter that resonated inside the walls of the Pandorica.

'Soon,' thought the kitten. 'Soon…'


	5. The Doctor Meets his FanGirls

**Hello, my loyal readers! This is my first ever attempt at a Halloween themed short story (so please don't be too harsh...) It's set before End of Time part 1. I'd like to give a short back-story before you try to read this: **

**I wanted to give the Doctor a chance to meet some of his fan-girls, so I created a version of myself and my best friend Chewy14 and put us in our Halloween costumes. I tried to show what the Doctor was doing before he went to Ood. It's slightly less funny to probably everyone else besides me and my friend, but it's still funny I guess. I am probably never going to try this again.**

**OnyxvanGem**

**P.S.: I am still open to suggestions on possible one-shots that people want to see done. I can do slash, I can do cannon, I can do fluff, and I can do smut, but am probably not going to even try smut so don't ask for it. Just give me a season/episode/Doctor/character you want bashed and I'll do it.  
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><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor Meets his Fan-Girls_

The Doctor was stalling. Yes, he admitted it. He did not want to go anywhere near the planet Ood if he could possibly help it. Why didn't he want to go to Ood? Because he couldn't help but feel a strange sense of foreboding at the mere thought of going there. So, instead of going to Ood, he was going to Earth.

"So there!" he called childishly to nobody and the Tardis metaphorically rolled her eyes. With the familiar _vwoosh_ of the Tardis landing, the Doctor began to make his way over to the door. He was about to open it when there was a knock. Frowning, he opened the door.

Standing in front of the Tardis were two teenage girls. They were dressed in what seemed to be Halloween costumes and were both holding a sack that looked to be around halfway filled with candy.

"Trick-or-treat!" said the girl on the left. She had chin-length blondish brown hair and green eyes. Her costume was a deep purple suit, an emerald green vest, a sky blue collared shirt, a gold tie, and clown makeup smeared over fake scars on her cheeks. Clutched in her hand was a butter knife. **(A.N.: this is me, dressed as the Joker…think Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight)**

"Nyx, oh my God! You found the Doctor!" squealed the girl on the right, who had very curly dark brown hair, pale skin, and green eyes. She was dressed in a tweed jacket, a dress shirt, black slacks, suspenders, and a bow-tie. Clutched in her hand was…a sonic screwdriver? **(A.N.: this is my bff, Chewy14 dressed as the 11****th**** Doctor)**

"Um…what?" the Doctor asked, blinking rapidly.

"No dip, Chewy. Who else travels around in a Tardis…and I'm not talking about my Master," said 'Nyx' and the Doctor's confusion increased.

"What?" he asked again, once more ignored.

"Seriously, Dean? What are the odds that you of all people…vampires…whatever, find the Doctor on the first try! And not just any Doctor, no, you just happen to find _the 10__th__ Doctor_, the Doctor you love the most. Quite frankly, I like the 11th one better, but seriously!" 'Chewy' yelled, waving the sonic screwdriver around in the air and almost hitting the Doctor in the face several times with it.

"Wait, 11th one? What?" the Doctor asked and 'Chewy' blinked. Her face flushed and she let out a squeak, grabbing 'Nyx/Dean''s arm.

"Oni, please tell me I didn't just spoil the Doctor's hopes and dreams…" she said quietly and 'Nyx/Dean/Oni' rolled her eyes, holding up the butter knife.

"Why so serious, Chewy? You didn't ruin his hopes and dreams, did she, Doctor?" 'Nyx/Dean/Oni' asked, turning to the Doctor, who blinked again at the slightly psychopathic smile on her face.

"Um, no, of course not…what do you mean 11th one?" he asked and 'Nyx/Dean/Oni' turned and banged her head on the threshold of the Tardis. "Oi, stop that!" the Doctor demanded, pushing 'Nyx/Dean/Oni' away from the Tardis. Some of the makeup had smudged off of her forehead and she sighed in exasperation.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it, sweetie," she said, reaching over and patting the side of the Tardis.

"Right, so, Master, we should leave the Doctor alone," 'Chewy' said and 'Nyx/Dean/Oni/…Master' sighed. Wait, 'Master'?

"Master? As in, _the_ Master?" the Doctor asked and 'Chewy' nodded.

"Kat's the Master. I'm the Doctor…you, I mean. I'm Ashlynn Summers and this is my best friend Katrina Lycanthrope. We're fan-girls. We LARP, or Live Action Role Play. Judging by the fact that you don't have one of your companions with you, I'd say you're about after Donna has her memories wiped. Which means…" Ashlynn said with a frown.

"I hate to say this, but what Chewy is trying to say, based on what I can see, you're about to go to Ood to hear a prophesy about something involving a person knocking four times, which only leads to you butting heads with your best friend turned enemy, who I absolutely adore by the way, which only leads to an entire battle against some people who you haven't seen in a loooonnnng time, which leads to you eventually meeting this girl who I really don't like. She's a ginger. Which, from what I can tell, is a good thing...sort of..." Katrina said, twirling her butter knife as she explained what was going on.

"Wait, so, you two know what'll happen next," the Doctor started and Katrina nodded, "then, I'm supposed to meet a ginger?" At Katrina's second nod, the Doctor grimaced. "But, I don't want to meet a ginger! I've had enough bad experiences with gingers to last a life time!"

"I don't want you to either," Katrina said, running a hand through her hair. "You know, you could just take me instead..."

"Nyx, stop flirting with the Doctor. We have to go before my mom gets mad that we're out so late. Good luck, Doctor," Ashlynn said and Katrina sighed.

"Vale, decem," said Katrina, lunging forward and wrapping her arms around the Doctor's torso. She let go after a moment and walked away, leaving the Doctor confused and slightly depressed. He didn't want to meet a ginger. He turned to enter his Tardis once more but was stopped by a tap on the shoulder.

"Huh?" he asked, turning around to see Katrina Lycanthrope holding up a small fluffy white stuffed cat.

"I just realized that you can't leave yet. I just remembered this is supposed to be a crack!one-shot, but I don't think this is very funny. So! I decided to bring you something that will cheer you up!" she said, dumping the cat in the Doctor's hands and running off after her friend. The Doctor, eyebrows furrowed, brought the stuffed cat into the Tardis and shut the door.

"That was weird. We-ell, not necessarily weird as very strange. Well, not so strange but rather odd in a sort of unnecessary way that is rather unsettling," he said to nobody. Suddenly, the cat spoke.

"Voice activation recognized. World domination mode activated," said the cat in a sinister voice. The Doctor paled.

"Bullocks," he said and the stuffed cat flew at him. The Doctor screamed when the cat landed on his head and he ran three full circuits around the Tardis before he was able to pry it off and throw it into the vortex.

And thus began the Doctor's fear of fluffy white cats.


	6. The Doctor and the Master Battle

**What's up y'all? **

**So, this week, I have your regularly scheduled chapter. I don't quite know what I was thinking when I wrote this, but here it is... I'm in it again, but only because my mind kind-of froze while I was writing this and I didn't want to _not_ post anything...so, yeah. This could take place during the End of Time part 1, but it completely disregards the entire part where the government peoples capture the Master and everything that happens after that. Imagine that this is taking place right _before_ that happens. Right. So, without further adieu... **

**Here is your chapter!**

**-OnyxvanGem**

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><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor and The Master Battle For Control of the Universe_

The Doctor and the Master stood staring at each other in the quarry, waiting for the first move to be made in the fight for the universe. This was it. This was the final battle for total domination of the universe. The Master would defeat the Doctor for sure this time. All he had to do was wait for the Doctor to take the first move.

"Well?" the Master asked, starting to get tired of waiting.

"Well, what?" the Doctor asked, eyebrows furrowing. He was waiting for the Master to make the first move and didn't get why he hadn't done anything yet.

"Well, aren't you going to do something? I mean, come on, Theta…seriously," the Master said exasperatedly and the Doctor frowned.

"Me do something? Why don't you do something! I mean, battling over the fate of the universe was _your_ idea. _I_ personally have no problem with sharing it," said the Doctor.

"Yes, well, um, shut up, Doctor, I'm trying to figure out how we should fight for the universe!" the Master called, irritation rising. He rubbed his jaw, wishing that this regeneration had a goatee. The Doctor rubbed his neck awkwardly.

"Oh my Loki, will you two stop stalling!" called a voice from nearby and both the Doctor and the Master looked over to see a teenage girl seated in a beach chair, popcorn in hand. She was dressed in dark gray sweatpants and a Doctor Who t-shirt, her chin length hair a tangled mess.

"Who are you supposed to be?" the Master asked agitatedly. The girl threw a handful of popcorn at him and several pieces landed in the Master's hair.

"You!" the Doctor shouted, mouth gaping.

"Me," smirked Katrina Lycanthrope, giving the Doctor a short wave.

"What are you talking about? Who is this, Doctor?" the Master asked and the Doctor sighed.

"Master, this is Katrina Lycanthrope. She's the author," he explained and Katrina nodded.

"Yup. I am the author and I am trying to write down your battle for the universe thing, but you two aren't making this very easy. So, I've decided to help out," she said, holding up her laptop. A desk popped up out of nowhere and Katrina set it down, opening up Mozilla Firefox and typing a link into the browser. "Now, regular or heavy metal?" she asked.

"Regular what?" the Master asked, eyebrows furrowed. He looked over at the Doctor and the Doctor shrugged, shaking his head.

"Robot unicorn attack, of course! It's the ultimate way to solve any major problem. Just pick a side, pick a game, and the highest score wins," she said beaming. The time lords stared.

"Robot unicorn attack? What's robot unicorn attack?" the Doctor asked and Katrina rolled her eyes.

"Why, it's only the most epic game ever. You play as a robot unicorn and you have to get as far across a section of sky as you can, jumping onto these rocks and smashing stars to get across. Don't knock it 'till you try it, okay?" she said defensively. When the Doctor and the Master continued to stare at her she sighed. "It was either this or having you two play rock paper scissors, so bear with me."

Both the Doctor and the Master played the game that the author had commanded them to play and, to their surprise, they tied with forty five thousand eight hundred and ninety points each. Katrina, however, had gotten a total of seventy nine thousand nine hundred and twenty points during the instructional run-through.

"Well, I suppose, since the universe belongs to the one with the highest score, the universe now belongs to…me," Katrina said, smiling sinisterly.

"That's not fair! I demand a rematch!" the Master growled and the Doctor sighed.

"Master, there's no point in arguing with her. She is controlling the flow of this story, after all. At least she didn't make us kill each other off or worse…" he shuddered.

"What could be worse then that?" the Master asked and Katrina laughed, a sound eerily like the Master's own laugh.

"My dear Master, I don't think you would really like to know," she said, reopening the Microsoft word document and sitting back down in the beach chair.

"Yeah, I don't think I want to know either," the Doctor said, eyes wide. The Master shook his head in aggravation at the Doctor, turning back to where the author had been seconds before. She was gone.

"Where'd she go?" the Master asked and the Doctor shrugged.

"Who knows, really? I guess we're done here, since the author owns the universe. Want to go get some ice cream?" the Doctor asked and the Master shrugged.

"Sure. I'm starving."


	7. The Angels Have The Tardis

**Ciao, my loyal readers!**

**So, this is my shortest chapter yet, but I love it just as much as I love all my other chappies. It has practically no main characters except a short mention of the Doctor. To be quite frank, I haven't actually seen the episode in which this takes place, but when my friend told me that the Weeping Angels capture the Tardis, I asked myself, "and _Why_ did they _need_ the Tardis _in the first place_? hmmm..." And I came up with _this_ little drabble. I hope it isn't too terrible to all of those who don't appreciate my ideas... I dare say, this is one of my favorites.**

**Your faithful servant,**

**OnyxvanGem  
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><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Angels Have The Tardis_

Angel Bob ran into the blue space-box, followed by twelve other Weeping Angels. Sending themselves back in time was one of Bob's best ideas, and now they had dropped the tenth variation of the Doctor and his companion further back. Now they had the Tardis all to themselves, which meant one thing.

They could use the rave setting.

Grinning, Angel Bob pushed a button on the Tardis console and the lights dimmed, strobe lights and fog machines popping out of the floor and the walls. Gobo lights descended from the ceiling and an assortment of rainbow colors began to flash around the room. Pulsating music began to echo around the control room and the angels positioned themselves about the Tardis.

Every time the strobe lights lit up the room, the angels froze in a random position, moving again when the lights flashed off.

The Weeping Angels continued their rave for several hours. Being living statues, they didn't need to take a single break and they continued moving to the pulsating lyric-less music without pause. However, Angel Bob could sense their party-time was drawing to a close. Sure enough, the Doctor came running back into the Tardis and all the angels froze. The strobe lights flashed off and the twelve Weeping Angels abandoned the Tardis. Angel Bob followed them shortly after.

The Doctor ran back into the Tardis to find the raving Angels, who had abandoned their party seconds after he got there. Only one stayed behind.

"Have fun trying to turn off the rave setting," it said before disappearing.

The rave setting wouldn't turn off until several days later.


	8. The Companions Are Idiots

**Hello, my dearest readers!**

**Today, I decided to try a little Companion!Bashing! (The past four companions, to be specific). Here's basically what I'm trying to display with this chapter: **

**Rose is a needy, winy person; Martha will abandon you for Mickey (which I never quite understood anyway...); Donna is controlling, irritating, and obrusive; and Amy is just an unobservant idiot.**

**Mind you, I like the companions as people, I just find them irritating at times. Now that you know what I'm trying to display with this fic, enjoy!**

**OnyxvanGem  
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><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Companions Are Idiots_

Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, Donna Noble, and Amy Pond sat around a table at Outback Steakhouse sipping on glasses of pink lemonade (except for Donna because she only drank Caribbean rum).

"So, Pond, you're the Doctor's newest companion. Why did he pick you over us?" asked Donna, swirling her rum and taking a large gulp. Amy shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean, he could have chosen several other people, and he just so happens to choose me. I'm not complaining, though. It is rather fun," she said, her Scottish accent never deviating except for on the word 'several'. Rose let out a sob.

"I want my Doctor back…I _need_ my Doctor!" she cried over the other loud patrons of the Outback. Martha rolled her eyes.

"You _have_ a Doctor, Rose. He's your Meta-crisis Doctor. I mean, _I_ left the Doctor and _I_ was perfectly fine," Martha said, shrugging. Donna slammed down her glass and raised her finger to Martha.

"No, _you_ don't get to speak! Who leaves the Doctor? And you hooked up with _Mickey_ of all people!" Donna said, her arms gesturing wildly as she took on her usual obtrusive manner.

"I want my Doctor," Rose said again, pouting. Amy, meanwhile, had absolutely no clue what was going on, due to her extremely unobservant nature, and was staring at the butter on the bread tray.

"Did anyone order any more bread? I'm starving," she commented out of the blue and Martha huffed.

"If you don't calm down, Donna," said Martha, ignoring Amy, "then I'm leaving."

"Oh, so you'll leave us just like you left _him_ is it! Oi, well that isn't going to happen, little ms. U.N.I.T.!" Donna cried, attracting the attention of the patrons who were sitting nearby. An elderly couple looked over, rolled their eyes, and went back to eating their steaks.

"I want my Doctor!" Rose cried again and Martha stood up.

"You know what? I'm leaving!" she cried, storming off to be with Mickey.

"Oi! No you don't! If you're leaving, so am I!" Donna shrieked, standing up and stumbling out the door (she'd clearly had too much rum-as per usual). Amy looked up at Rose and then around at the now empty chairs.

"Where'd everybody go?"


	9. Jack Harkness Buys Cream Cheese

**Hello people! **

**This chapter was written when I was bored and really wanted a bagel with pumpkin cream cheese. Mind you, I was rather distracted when I wrote it (I was watching an episode of Star Trek, as a matter of fact.) And, also, I was feeling random, and hadn't had any coffee in days. **

**Well, enjoy...**

**OnyxvanGem  
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><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Jack Harkness Buys Cream Cheese_

Jack Harkness sat in the Torchwood hub at his desk, bored to tears. He hadn't been this bored in centuries. He was literally going to die of boredom if he didn't figure out something to do besides paperwork and computerized solitaire. He debated about actually doing his work, but decided that was a futile endeavor; he had better things to do then to create a list of every single life form in the galaxy. The clock ticked so slowly that it seemed to barely move at all. Just one more minute and Jack could go home. When the minute hand moved to the next number and the clock finally displayed 4:50, Jack got up from his desk and calmly walked over to punch himself out. He didn't let his joyous shout escape his throat until he was outside the building.

Jack stuck his key in the lock and pushed the door slightly, finding it unlocked. Frowning, he pulled out his gun and flipped off the safety, slowly opening the door and stepping briskly inside.

"Oi! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" called a girl from the couch, holding up one of her hands and almost dropping the laptop she had on a pillow on her lap. She wore gray pajama pants, a purple sweatshirt, and a pair of black glassless glasses. Her hair was mused slightly, but still neat enough to see that it fell to her chin, and her gray-green eyes were wide with shock.

"Who are you and why are you in my house?" Jack demanded and the girl moved her laptop off of her lap, setting it on the couch and raising her other hand.

"My name is Katrina Lycanthrope. I'm here because my WiFi is down in my house and your house was the first random location I showed up in, seeing as though I'm writing about you, see?" she asked, turning the laptop to show Jack what was written in the Microsoft Word document. He read over the first paragraph to find it an exact rundown of what he'd been doing five minutes before.

"Huh, wow, that's, that's really weird," he said, blinking. Katrina nodded, smiling slightly.

"Yep, I know. My sole purpose is to follow you around today and write down what you're doing. It's rather intriguing," she said calmly and Jack frowned slightly.

"Um, alright then," Jack said and Katrina nodded again.

"Alright. So, I saw you had some bagels in your kitchen. Get me one," she demanded and Jack blinked once more.

"Um, that isn't very polite," he muttered and Katrina narrowed her eyes.

"I'm starving, Harkness, and I _want_ a _bagel_…with pumpkin cream cheese if that isn't too much trouble," she said, smiling brightly. Jack flinched at her sudden change in mood.

"I don't have any pumpkin cream cheese. I have _regular_ cream cheese," Jack said and Katrina glared, pulling out a metal cylinder and pushing a button. A red beam appeared and she held the red laser beam up to Jack's neck, lips pulled back in a snarl.

"Then buy some," she hissed and Jack nodded, picking up his wallet and running from the room in a mixture of confusion and irritation.

Jack was back at his house half an hour later with a small tin of pumpkin cream cheese tucked into his jacket pocket. He found the teenager lounging in front of his television, still typing away at her laptop.

"I brought you your pumpkin cream cheese," he said, producing the small tin of orangey cheese spread. Katrina looked up and frowned.

"What pumpkin cream cheese?" she asked, turning her focus back to the television. The screen displayed the title screen for a television program called Doctor Who. Jack completely ignored this, stepping in front of said screen, blocking it from view. "Hey! Jack, move! I _like_ this episode…it's the one where the Doctor almost gets killed on that Xtonic planet!"

"_What pumpkin cream cheese_? You threatened me with a laser to go get you some pumpkin cream cheese and now you don't want any?" Jack yelled and Katrina tried to look around him at the TV.

"No I didn't. I never asked for any pumpkin cream cheese," she said, eyebrows furrowed. Jack turned and banged his head against the wall.

"Yes you did, I swear you asked me for a bagel with pumpkin cream cheese. I told you I only had regular and you threatened me with a laser!" he said confidently and Katrina slowly shook her head.

"No, Jack…do I look like I'd threaten someone with a laser for something as trivial as pumpkin cream cheese?" she asked calmly and Jack shook his head. "Exactly. If it wasn't I who threatened you, then there was no need to have bought pumpkin cream cheese at all. I don't even _like_ cream cheese."

"But you said-" Jack protested. Katrina shook her head.

"No I didn't. Really, Jack. I don't want pumpkin cream cheese. All I want is to watch this episode of Doctor Who and then I'll go home. Promise," she said calmly and Jack rubbed his forehead.

"Of course…of course," Jack mumbled, flopping down onto the couch next to the teenage girl and staring at the screen. She didn't leave until Jack had seen four more episodes of the Doctor Who television show and had eaten all of the pumpkin cream cheese. Jack, finally alone, got up and went to his bedroom. He opened his closet and found one of his coats missing. Looking out the window, he saw Katrina Lycanthrope running down the sidewalk, laptop bag in hand, his coat whipping in the wind.

"Damn you, Katrina Lycanthrope!" he shouted angrily, knowing that she had stolen his very favorite coat.


	10. The Doctor Goes Camping

**Hellooooooo out there!**

**This is my newest and longest chapter. It does have me in it. Yes, again. This chapter was requested to me by my friend, Debbie, when we were going camping two weeks ago. Basically, it details what we did, but with the Doctor there... It's kind of odd, and has a bunch of inside jokes that I doubt anyone will get, so I'll try to explain them now...**

**The thing about Narnia was a reference to the preview for the new episode/special, 'cause it looked like Narnia.**

**The thing about voices is because I have an alter-ego named Fred who lives inside my head and sometimes won't shut up...he's my inspiration for these stories. XD**

**Debbie and I make fun of the Doctor saying 'what' because I think it's really cute how he gets all confused like that...**

**I call my little sister "face", not to be mean or anything, but simply because I couldn't think of another irritating name for her due to her getting used to "Shortie-la-Forge".**

**Basically, this chapter was written because Debbie thought it would be funny to make the Doctor show up and then not have our friend, who's the one who introduced me to the show, be there to meet him. **

**Yay fro the chapter being the longest yet! It was four whole pages on Microsoft Word! Yay! **

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor Goes Camping_

The Doctor struggled to keep a hold of the steering mechanism of the Tardis, unsuccessfully attempting to propel it towards the safety of a planet. Machinery crashed, wires sparked, fire erupted from the malfunctioning controls. He was crashing.

~ XD ~

"…Ad that is exactly why the Tardis is like Narnia," said the triumphant voice of Katrina Lycanthrope as she, her fellow girl scout, Debbie Marks, and their troop leader, Lila Mai, tramped through the Francis Marion camping grounds, sleeping bags in hand.

"I think it's more like several items in the Harry Potter verse, you know? Like Hermione's bag and Moody's trunk," Debbie replied and Katrina snorted.

"I have to agree with you there… it doesn't help that David Tennant plays both Ten and my beloved Barty. I can't possibly help sympathize with the Deatheaters if Tennant was one of them," she said with a grin.

"Kat!" Debbie called in feigned surprise. Debbie had brown hair that fell to her mid-back, a thin body and face. Her skin was lightly tanned and her brown eyes sparkled in amusement. She was dressed in a pair of old jeans, a white long sleeved t-shirt, and old brown hiking boots.

"What! I can't help it…we all know he's sexy," Katrina said cockily, pushing her sunglasses back up the bridge of her nose. She was dressed in a pair of blue jeans, a green turtleneck, old gray converse high-tops, and a brown fleece jacket.

"Yeah, he's the best Doctor, isn't he?" Mrs. Mai said, looking back with a grin on her face as well. She had strait mercury hair that was cropped shorter then Katrina's, and was dressed in jeans, a girl scouting t-shirt, and old Nikes.

"You know what would be really great to write about?" Katrina asked, pausing for a moment to adjust the bag that was slung over her shoulder. "A story about the Doctor crashing here while we were doing archery tomorrow. That would be so weird. It would have to be the tenth one, though."

"Obviously. Is there any other way to go about it?" Debbie asked and Katrina grinned. Suddenly, there was a shuddering 'VWOOSH VWORP BANG!' making Katrina's grin falter and die.

"What was that?" Mrs. Mai asked with a frown. Katrina looked around, straying slightly off the path.

"Kat, where are you going?" Debbie asked and Katrina held up a hand, index finger raised.

"Hush…I think I know what's going on…" she said, eyebrows furrowing. "I thought I heard the Tardis…" Debbie laughed.

"But, Kat… the Tardis isn't real. We all know that Doctor Who is just a TV show," she said and Katrina shook her head, hand still raised, staring blatantly in the direction of their campsite. After a moment, she shook her head roughly, blinking several times.

"Right, sorry. I was just…never mind. The voices were being loud again. Let's keep walking," she said, putting her hand down and walking towards the campsite once again.

~ XD ~

The Doctor threw the door of the Tardis open and staggered outside, coughing violently. Smoke spewed from the open door and into the cool clear air of wherever the Doctor was now. He looked around, waving smoke out of his face, and spied seven cabins placed in a circle around an open field. There was a pole sticking out of the ground and a smaller circle of benches around a circle of bricks that looked like it could host a fire. He was in the middle of a forest campground.

"I mean, the eleventh one shouldn't even count! The series ended for good with the tenth Doctor!" said a familiar voice and the Doctor flinched. Oh no…

"Yeah, Kat, we all know ten is the best one," said a voice that the Doctor didn't recognize as three people came up one of the pathways that lead to the campground. One of them was Katrina Lycanthrope. The Doctor quickly ran and hid inside one of the cabins, ducking so the three women couldn't see him.

"Wait, ah-tah-tah! Y'all, look…it's the Tardis!" Katrina said, pointing at the smoking Tardis. The Doctor held his breath.

"And where there's a Tardis, there's a Doctor," continued the brunette who was speaking before. The adult of the group grabbed the backs of the teenagers' shirts, pulling them backwards.

"Wait a minute, ladies. We don't know if it's the Doctor… it could be the Master," she said and Katrina shrugged.

"I doubt it. I saw that one before coming here and the Master could only travel between the year one million and England in two thousand and one, so it could only be the Doctor… my guess is it's either ten or eleven…I doubt it's nine, otherwise he'd be talking to us right now and not hiding in that cabin over there," Katrina explained calmly, motioning to the counselor's cabin. The Doctor swore quietly, standing up and exiting the cabin. "See? It's Ten. Hello, Doctor."

"Hello, Katrina," the Doctor said through gritted teeth. He hadn't quite forgiven the teenager for the stunt she had pulled with the, shudder, white kitten.

"That that's the Doctor?" asked the other teenager and Katrina nodded.

"Yup. Debbie, Mrs. Mai, this is the Doctor. Doctor, this is Debbie Marks and Lila Mai, my Girl Scout troop. Our other member, Emma Farris couldn't make it because of some poetry thing she had to do so, her loss," Katrina said in introduction and the Doctor walked out of the cabin.

"Oh my God," the one named Debbie gaped and Lila Mai blinked several times before grinning at the Doctor.

"It's very nice to meet you, Doctor. Are you going to be joining us while we camp?" Mrs. Mai asked and the Doctor blinked.

"What?"

"We're camping, Doctor. You crashed here on the day we were supposed to be camping, so you might as well stay. However, there is another troop camping here too…my sister among them, irritatingly enough," Katrina said, murmuring the last part and the Doctor blinked again.

"What?" he asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"Awe, how cute! He's doing that thing he does when he's confused, Kat!" Debbie called, tugging at Katrina's sleeve.

"I know, right! Nawww…" Katrina said, grinning cheekily at the Doctor. The Doctor grimaced.

"You know you probably don't have a choice either way, Doctor. Your Tardis did break, after all…" Mrs. Mai said and the Doctor sighed.

"Fine…I'll stay until she's fixed…"

The two teenagers squealed in excitement, making the Doctor regret his decision.

~ XD ~

After about an hour's peace and quiet, the two teenagers hunting for firewood and their leader setting up her cabin, the Doctor heard several loud children approaching the campgrounds.

"They were singing, bye bye Ms. American Pie," the girls screamed, rather off key and the Doctor winced.

"Oh dear Loki, they're here," Katrina mumbled as she walked past the Doctor carrying several large branches. She shook her head, grimacing at the disgusting key they were singing in. The doctor winced again as they hit a particularly irritating note.

"I'm guessing this is your sister's troop?" the Doctor asked, snagging Katrina's arm. She turned and nodded, sighing.

"Unfortunately… that one right there in the blue shirt is Naomi, my sister…" she said, motioning in the direction of the girl in the long sleeved blue t-shirt, dark jeans, and beaten tennis shoes. She looked vaguely like Katrina, but with a rounder face, darker hair, and gray eyes instead of green.

"Kat!" the girl now known as 'Naomi' shouted, skipping over to where Katrina and the Doctor stood and grinning hugely. Katrina sighed in irritation.

"What do you want, face? I'm busy gathering firewood. You people didn't get enough of it earlier," Katrina said shortly and the Doctor furrowed his eyebrows at the teenager's name for her sister.

"Oh…well, is that the Doctor?" Naomi asked in a voice that sounded fake-excited. Katrina nodded shortly, walking away.

~ XD ~

The Doctor had to admit that he was enjoying himself, probably a little too much. One of the children had made him several things called s'mores and Katrina's little sister, Naomi, continuously burned the marshmallows she brought to Katrina every few minutes. Seemingly fed up with the vivacious chattering of the children, Katrina produced a packet of about twelve pieces of paper and moved to sit in front of the fire.

"Okay, kids… I promised you I'd read these for you, didn't I? Who wants to hear a story?" she asked with a smirk. The children all moved to sit in front of her, some of them chattering still, others trying to shut up the chattering ones.

"Please, Kat?" asked one of the little blonde ones and the Doctor smiled in amusement.

"Only if you all are quiet," Katrina said and, immediately, the children quieted down. "Right, so I'm not going to read the first chapter, because Mrs. Mai said it was inappropriate. So, here's chapter two… in which the Master laughs at himself. The Master was having a great day…"

The Doctor listened to all the stories, grimacing at the descriptions that Katrina gave of him and his companions once and a while. He even flinched at the part about when Katrina gave him the kitten.

~ XD ~

It was nighttime and the Doctor sat on one of the camping beds in the nearly empty cabin nearest to the two teenagers. However, the teens were not inside their cabin. No, they were chanting and dancing around the campfire. And, in the Doctor's opinion, the song they were singing was extremely appropriate for them…

"And it's so easy when you're evil!" belted the laughing teens as they skipped around. "This is the life, you see, the Devil tips his hat to meee!"

Eventually, they stopped and the fire was extinguished. The Doctor, finally getting the peace and quiet he deserved, went to sleep. However, that didn't last for as long as he had hoped.

A piercing howl cut through the air and the Doctor's eyes widened in surprise. There were wild animals in the forest! The howls were followed by a quick succession of gunshots, making the Doctor jump in surprise. Over in the teenagers' cabin, the Doctor heard the two girls talking about how they were going to be eaten by wolves. At the sound of a hysterical cackle, Debbie squealed.

"Now I'm sure I'm going to die!" she said, causing the cackle to become slightly louder.

"Yes, we're going to be eaten by wolves! Ha ha ha ha haaaaa he he hehehehehehehaha!" Katrina giggled. They settled down again shortly afterward and the Doctor went back to sleep, smiling.

~ XD ~

In the morning, the Doctor went back inside of his Tardis to find it working again. He decided to go for a test spin to make sure of it before he told the girls. Grinning, he flipped a few switches on the controls and the Tardis vwooshed away.

It materialized again and the Doctor opened the door. Immediately, his ears were assaulted by several loud blasts of a whistle and he pulled out his sonic to defend himself.

"Doctor! You're back!" called the voice of Debbie Marks and the Doctor sighed. He wasn't free yet.

"Yes, I'm back," he sighed and Katrina Lycanthrope raised an eyebrow at him.

"Doctor, I love you and all, but you're on the archery range…I was about to shoot another butterfly!" Katrina said, motioning to the target in front of her where a yellow butterfly was skewered by an arrow. The Doctor's eyes widened.

"Oh dear," he said quietly, quickly stepping away from Katrina's target. "Well, I'm just here to say goodbye. It was nice camping with you," he said, waving a little.

"It was nice camping with you too," said Mrs. Mai. "Bye, Doctor!"

"Bye, love! I'll see you soon, I hope," Katrina said, waving. The Doctor got back into his Tardis after saying goodbyes to everyone and, with another vwoosh, set off to the leisure planet of Hawaii.

~ XD ~

"…And then, he materialized on the archery range! Oh my Loki, Emma! I can't believe you missed it!" Katrina enthused and Emma Ferris groaned, wishing she hadn't gone to that poetry contest after all.


	11. The Tardis Gets a Virus

**Okay, hello y'all!**

**So, I have some good news and some bad news...**

**Bad news: My computer has a virus, so I don't know the next time I'll be able to post...If it's okay by next week then great, I'll post anyway, but if it's not...**

**Good news: I was able to navigate the blocks to upload this chapter so as not to leave you people with nothing. Yay me!**

**Well, Enjoy!**

**OnyxvanGem**

**P.S. This is my first attempt at writing the 9th Doctor and I've only seen one episode with him before my computer contracted the virus...  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Tardis Gets a Virus_

The Doctor was beginning to get irritated. His Tardis, for some reason, wouldn't fly. It was beginning to really piss him off.

"Doctor?" asked Rose and the Doctor growled at her, running his hands through his nearly non-existent dark hair.

"What is it, Rose?" he asked in his heavily Northern accented voice. Rose swallowed.

"Doctor, I think I know what happened to the Tardis…" she said quietly and the Doctor looked up from the console.

"What happened to my Tardis?" he asked warily and Rose swallowed again.

"Well, you see, I was connecting to the wireless and I went on a website…" she trailed off and the Doctor frowned.

"And?"

"And the website gave me a computer virus…well, a lot of computer viruses that may or may not have spread to the Tardis…" she said and the Doctor looked at her in disbelief.

"Rose, why would you do that! It takes months, months Rose, months to debug a Tardis!" he said waving around the screwdriver he was holding. Not the sonic one, just a regular one.

"Yes, Doctor…I'm sorry…" she said and the Doctor sighed.

"Just, just go away, Rose. Why don't you go play with Mickey or something for a few months while I figure this out?" the Doctor said, attempting to keep a hold of his temper, which was a difficult task to begin with. Rose nodded and slunk outside of the Tardis door.

"Stupid little ape…"


	12. Rose Meets River

**Helloooo! It is I, your provider of crack!fics! I have returned from the great beyond and have come baring fanfic! I appologize for not being able to post this last week. My laptop is still down, I just got irritated and decided to go retype it on my mum's dinasaur of a computer instead of waiting anymore. This idea was suggested to me by my friend Debbie. I hope y'all like it XD**

**I'll post my chapter for this week in a little bit, as well as a Holiday surprise!**

**Ta!**

**OnyxvanGem**

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Rose Meets River_

Rose Tyler sat in her room inside the Tardis daydreaming about the Doctor. Her Doctor. Oh, how she longed to run her hands through his nearly non-existent black hair…

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of something beginning to materialize inside her room.

Sure enough, there it was… a woman with extremely curly hair and a rather stuck-up facial expression.

"Oh! Hello, sweetie," said the woman and Rose blinked a few times.

"Um…hello," she said in return. Rose figured it was better to be polite to the mysterious woman who had materialized inside of her room then to do something drastic… like throw something, for example.

"Would the Doctor be around anywhere?" the woman asked and Rose shrugged. She was sure her Doctor was _somewhere_, she just didn't know where. The woman frowned slightly. "Oh, well, he has to be somewhere… this is his Tardis, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is… uh, sorry, but who are you?" Rose asked, collecting her thoughts.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm River. River Song. I'm a, um, an associate of the Doctor's," the woman, River, said, smiling. Rose blinked again, frowning.

"But, the Doctor's never mentioned anyone named 'River Song' before," she said, reaching up and fidgeting with a strand of her long blonde hair. River's smile dropped.

"Who are you exactly?"

"I'm Rose Tyler. I'm the Doctor's companion," Rose said and River's eyes widened slightly.

"Oh. Oh, I see… I must have jumped too far back. Sorry to bother you, Rose. Maybe we'll see each other again some day," River suggested and Rose shrugged.

"Maybe we will," she said breathily, vaguely overwhelmed by the situation.

"Goodbye, Rose Tyler. Best of luck to you, sweetie," River said, twisting the device on her wrist and dematerializing. Rose blinked, shaking her head. _That_ was odd…


	13. The Master Finally Understands

**I'm baaaaaaccckkkk! This is the chapter for this week! I was inspired by the bowl of grits my daddy made for me today for breakfast, and then I remembered that line in "Here Come the Drums" where the Master offers to make the President of the USA some grits and then proceeds to ask what grits are. So, enjoy!**

**OnyxvanGem**

**P.S. Holiday chapter is going to be up later today! Yay Christmas! **

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Master Finally Understands_

"…and that, my beloved Master, is what grits are made of!" finished Katrina Lycanthrope, pulling a bowl of steaming hot grits out of the microwave and stirring in a little butter. The Master sat, in awe, at the kitchen table, mouth open.

"You mean-?" he started as Katrina set the bowl in front of him. She nodded, placing a spoon inside the grits.

"Yes, amazing isn't it?" she asked, sitting down in front of the Master. She gazed at him adoringly as he picked up a spoonful of grits.

"So, all along, all grits were is just ground up corn and water? I think I get it now!" he said, inspecting the spoonful critically before popping it into his mouth. Katrina grinned, reaching over and patting the top of the Master's head.

"Good job, sweetie."


	14. River Gets Her Sonic Christmas special

**Yay! It's Christmas! Everyone is exchanging presents and making merry...even the Doctor! Enjoy, sweeties! And Happy Holidays to you all!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_River Gets Her Sonic Screwdriver_

The Doctor stood, smiling to himself, at the controls of his Tardis. He hummed a wistful tune to himself as he watched the screen for any sudden changes in course.

"Doctor, sweetie!" called River, breaking the Doctor's train of nonsensical thought. He jumped in surprise at her sudden appearance before turning to look at his girlfriend.

"Yes, dearest. What is it that you want?" he asked and River held out a neatly wrapped package, complete with a bow.

"It's Christmas, sweetie! You promised we'd exchange gifts today!" she reminded him and the Doctor blinked several times. Oh…Rassilon, he'd completely forgot…

"Oh, yes, of course," he said, taking the present from River with a small smile. For her present, he picked something off of the console and thrust it into her waiting hands.

"Doctor, are you sure?" River asked, apparently stunned by whatever the Doctor had just handed her. The Doctor, too mesmerized by his task of tearing the wrapping paper off of the Thing River had gotten him, nodded absently. River squealed. "Thank you, sweetie! I love my new sonic screwdriver!"

"Yes, of course, I got it just for- d-did you just say sonic screwdriver?" the Doctor asked, freezing. In River's hands was his red sonic screwdriver. He almost dropped the Thing.

"Yes, and I love it! Thank you!" she said, throwing her arms around the Doctor's thin chest. The Doctor swallowed, pulling the last of the paper off of his own…fruitcake.

"And, thank you, River, for my, erm, wonderful present," he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. River, ignoring his lack of real emotion, skipped off to, presumably, show the Ponds what she had received for Christmas. Once River was out of the room, the Doctor tossed his fruitcake haphazardly into a corner and banged his head against the wall. Worst. Christmas. Ever.


	15. Amy and Rory Get a Cat

**Happy New Year, my lovely readers! To bring us into the new year, I'm re-visiting the concept of the white kitten. His name is Harold! X3 Enjoy!**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Amy and Rory Get a Cat_

"Rory, lookit what I just bought for us!" Amy Pond-Williams exclaimed, carefully maneuvering the large object she had brought so that she could enter her house. Rory turned around on the couch to see his wife holding a large cat-carrier.

"Amy, what?" he asked, confusion etching across his face.

"Well, you see, when we were having the adventure with the Doctor that involved the Pandorica, there was a kitten inside, and it was kinda cute, so I went out and bought one," she said while she worked on freeing her new pet from the confines of the cat-carrier. After a few moments, she lifted up the loudly meowing fluffy white kitten for her husband to see.

"What are you going to name it?" Rory asked, cautiously submitting to his wife's desire to have a cat.

"I'm thinking 'Harold'," she said, snuggling the white kitten to her chest and kissing the top of its head. Rory sighed. He would give Amy whatever she wanted, and if that was a white kitten named Harold, so be it.

A few days later, there was a knock on the door. Amy walked to answer it, 'Harold' encased in her arms.

"Who is it?" she called, rubbing the fluffy white fur on top of the kitten's head as she waited for a reply.

"Pond? Its me, the Doctor," called the familiar voice of the time traveling alien. Amy smiled brightly and threw open the door.

"Doctor! You're back!" she called and the Doctor grinned at her for a moment before his grin faltered and he went deathly pale.

"Pond, is-is that-?" he stuttered, eyes wide and focused on the ball of white fur encased in Amy's arms. She looked from the Doctor to 'Harold' and back to the Doctor.

"It's just Harold…oh. Oh, right, sorry Doctor. Um, right…" she said, putting the kitten down on the carpet for the first time since she'd gotten him. 'Harold', not liking the floor, turned pleading eyes to the Doctor, meowing pitifully. The Doctor shrieked girlishly, arms flailing, and darted quickly away from the Pond household. Amy stared after him with wide eyes, blinking down at 'Harold'. "I'll never understand him, will I?"

"Amy, who was at the door?" Rory called and Amy picked 'Harold' up again.

"Oh, it was nobody. They had the wrong house," she said, walking back to the living room to watch Star Trek with her husband. 'Harold', sensing his cover was still un-blown, looked over Amy's shoulder and winked.

'Soon,' 'Harold' thought, yawning. 'Soon…"


	16. The Doctor Watches Fright Night

**Hello, readers! Okay, so this chapter is kind of lacking in the excitement factor/the entertainment factor. Basically, I almost forgot I had to write today. Shocking, yes, I know. But I had a good reason... I received a copy of that remake of Fright Night and I've been watching it nearly non-stop since I unwrapped it on Christmas. Literally. It's actually scary how I've almost memorized the entire script. In fact, I'm even watching it right now... om nom nom, David Tennant's back XD Yeah, I am such a spaz... I need a life... **

**Wait, if I were to get a life, I'd probably never post another chapter again... so, yay for having no life! XD**

**Until next week...**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor Watches Fright Night_

The Doctor was beginning to worry. He had gone onto the website where Katrina Lycanthrope posted her stories, only to see that she hadn't updated on time. She _always_ updated on time.

"Pond, Rory, I think something is wrong. Something is terribly, horribly wrong," the Doctor said, standing up from the desk and walking briskly to the Tardis console. Amy and Rory ran into the control room, Amy pulling on her slightly rumpled shirt and Rory zipping his fly.

"Doctor, what's wrong? What's going on?" Amy asked hysterically as the Doctor punched in the coordinates and flipped the lever, making the Tardis begin to fly through the time vortex.

"I believe an old friend of mine is in grave danger. Usually, she contacts weekly through an update on her online story, but she hasn't updated it yet today," the Doctor said, continuing to run about and push buttons. The Tardis materialized moments later and Amy looked over at the date displayed on the console display screen. It read January seventh, two thousand and twelve.

"Come on! We have to hurry! Who knows what dangerous activities she could be involved in!" the Doctor exclaimed, darting out the Tardis door.

The Doctor arrived at the Lycanthrope household and used his sonic to unlock the door, not even bothering to check if it was unlocked already, which it was, and threw it open. Irritatingly, he was confronted with a second door, which he also unlocked, before bursting into the room. As soon as he was inside, popcorn kernels bounced off his head. He blinked, looking in the direction the popcorn came from, and spotted Katrina Lycanthrope perched on the couch holding an empty bowl of popcorn kernels. She was dressed in a pair of short shorts and a gigantic black t-shirt, her hair extremely mused, and her facial expression wide eyed.

"Oh, shit! Doctor! What are you-oh shit! I have to post my chapter!" she exclaimed, pressing a button on her remote and chucking the bowl to the floor.

"Katrina, what's going on! I was getting worried and I come here to see what's wrong and I see you watching your telly! What are you watching anyway?" the Doctor inquired, watching as Katrina sprinted down the hallway. She returned after a moment, clutching her laptop tightly to her chest.

"It's that remake of that movie Fright Night with David Tennant," she said, clearly distracted, "you can watch it with me after I'm done with this." The Doctor nodded, sighing and sitting down on the couch. His eyes wandered over to the television and saw the image it was frozen on; a man kissing a blonde girl's neck.

"Katrina, what?" he asked, motioning to the screen. Katrina glanced up and grinned.

"He's not actually kissing her… he's drinking her blood," she replied as if it explained everything. The Doctor furrowed his eyebrows. "You'll understand later."

~XD~

The Doctor didn't know whether to be confused, angry, or content. He didn't know if he liked the movie he'd just seen. However, he did know that he wanted to watch it again. Katrina was happy to oblige.


	17. Katrina Brings Her Laptop to School

**Hello, beautiful souls who still read my fanfiction. **

**I'm sorry if you thought the last chapter sucked... I think this chapter isn't the best either... but, I wrote it during school when I realized I had nothing better to do. I realize that I am terribly mean to the poor Doctor in this chapter, and for that, I apologize. I really hate Doctor!Bashing, and I don't know why I chose to do it... Hopefully my oneshots will start getting better soon. **

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Katrina Brings Her Laptop to School_

Katrina Lycanthrope sat down in her Biology classroom on the last day of the semester and pulled out her laptop to entertain herself with various fanfics and episodes of Doctor Who. She opened up a word document and typed in the title of her current on-going fan fiction, In Which. She was about to start typing up her chapter for the week when the door to the classroom opened.

Now, this wasn't a very rare occurrence, seeing as though the door was _meant_ to open, and people entered and exited the classroom often, so Katrina didn't even bother to look up from her pending chapter.

"Good morning, class!" called a British accented voice. Katrina's head snapped up and her eyes widened. It was the Doctor. _The Doctor_ was in her Biology classroom. The Doctor. Oh, dear Loki.

The other four students who had decided to show up for first block looked up and gave various greetings, not particularly interested in the spiky haired, chocolate eyed, Time Lord. Katrina, on the other hand, realized that this was an opportunity she could _not_ pass up.

"Professor, do I know you from somewhere?" she asked in an attempt to judge where along the Doctor Who timeline this Doctor was from. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head before pausing. The Doctor seemed to think for a moment before shaking his head again.

"No, I have never seen you before," the Doctor said confidently. Katrina shrugged.

"You just looked like someone I know," she said, highlighting a few words on her computer screen. The Doctor grinned and shrugged back.

"Well, I'm Doctor John Smith. I'm here as a substitute because your teacher won't be back for a few weeks," he explained and the corner of Katrina's mouth pulled into a slight half smile. The Doctor was substituting in her school. Wow.

"I'm Katrina. I only have this class for one more day, because the semester is set to end after fourth block, but it's nice to meet you, Doctor," she said calmly, only slightly hinting that she knew who he really was. The Doctor didn't pick up on anything, which kept Katrina from being noticed. She felt her heart drop at his lack of comment, but it was better that way. At least the Doctor didn't meet her officially until he met her on Halloween. Oh well, she could torment him anyway.

"I didn't realize this was a one day job," he said calmly, and Katrina shrugged.

"It isn't, but we'll only be here one more day before break," she said, pulling out her pocket watch and clicking it open. Getting a sudden idea, she shut the watch and lifted it into view of the Doctor. "You know, if only this fob watch would open…then, maybe we'd have the correct time…" she said, musing to herself aloud, just loud enough to attract the Doctor's attention.

"Beg your pardon?" he asked and Katrina shrugged.

"It's nothing, I just-my pocket watch has been stuck ever since I got it. I don't enjoy not having the correct time," she said stoically and the Doctor furrowed his eyebrows. The other students, one of which was Katrina's great friend, Chelsea, ignored the exchange completely in favor of reading a book, playing on their iPods, or staring blankly off into space, not that Katrina minded anyway. She was happy keeping her Doctor-taunting away from the ears of the students.

"Well, you have a fob watch. A fob watch that won't open. Um, okay…when did you get this watch?" he asked, moving closer to Katrina. Katrina quirked an eyebrow and shrugged. The Doctor was falling into her trap. Mwahahahahahah.

"I've had it for as long as I can remember… and I've never been able to open it," she said and the Doctor froze.

"Okay, right, Katrina. I need you to let me see your watch," he ordered calmly and Katrina nodded, unclipping the watch from her pocket and willing it to stay closed. She placed the silver watch in the Doctor's waiting hand. The Doctor tried to click it open and his eyes widened when it wouldn't budge.

"Sir, are you alright?" she asked and the Doctor's eyes moved to her, happiness and shock in his chocolate orbs.

"I'm fantastic," he said, eyes flooding with tears. "I'm not alone after all," he exclaimed, engulfing Katrina in a hug. Okay, this joke was going too far…

"I'm sorry, but-" she started, but her voice was cut off by the bell. "I'll see you around, Doctor," Katrina sighed, standing up, shutting off her laptop, and leaving the room. Once she was out of distance, she looked back and saw the Doctor staring after her. She would have to wipe his memory later… but, she could do one _last_ thing before she had to go.

"Hey, Doctor! I like the Master better then I like you! And, also, the universe is mine! Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HA!" she shouted back and the Doctor blinked.

"Great…I've discovered a maniac…that's just brilliant," she heard the Doctor mutter to himself and Katrina smirked. Job well done.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey, me again... I have a slight problem. I'm running out of ideas for things to write. If you don't want to see this fanfiction come to an untimely end, please review or PM me and give me any suggestions for possible oneshots you would like to read. I'm beginning to get desperate and my poor muse is starving. I have an idea for next week, and maybe the week after, but after that...please, I would rather like to continue these, but I don't have anything left in my bank of ideas. I'll credit whoever offers the idea in the story. Please, help me...<strong>

**~OnyxvanGem**


	18. The Doctor Finally Confronts Harold

**Well, here it is! The chapter that, I think, we've all been waiting for! I hope you're ready for this! I _finally_ share with you the story of Harold, the fluffy white kitten! **

**This chapter is dedicated to everyone who's reviews brought my muse back from the edge of starvation and certain death, doom, and slight distruction. Thank you all for continuing to read and be interested in my story! I hope this lives up to your expectations!**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor (Finally) Confronts Harold the Kitten_

The Doctor stood outside the Pond-Williams house, fist hovering near the door. He would do this. He would confront that cat if it was one of the last things he did. He would do this…no, yes…he would do this. With determination, he knocked sharply on the door, turned around, and hurried quickly away. He couldn't do it. That cat was a psychopath. But, if he _didn't_ confront that cat, he'd be afraid of it forever. Now, he couldn't avoid it either. The Doctor turned around and slowly walked back to the door.

The Doctor waited for half an hour before finally getting irritated. Why hadn't Pond answered the door yet? It's not like they weren't home… The Doctor turned and looked at the empty driveway.

"Oh," he said and sighed. The lack of Ponds was hindering his inevitable confrontation of that cat. So, instead of waiting any longer, he turned and walked to the back yard. Luckily enough, he window was open. Awkwardly, the Doctor slid through the window, knocking over the potted plants and various things on the windowsill, and into the kitchen sink. He got off of the pile of dishes and slid onto the floor, slipping over a fluffy catnip mouse and falling on his arse.

After a moment of confusion, the Doctor stood up and looked around. The cat was nowhere to be seen.

"Cat?" he called, looking around the kitchen. There was a soft pattering sound accompanied by a quiet jingling as the fluffy white kitten trotted into the kitchen.

The Doctor flinched, pressing his back against the counter, a small shriek escaping his lips. The kitten sat down in front of him and stared at the Doctor with huge blue-green eyes.

"Hello, Doctor," the kitten said, eyes continuing to stare at the Doctor. The Doctor blinked.

"Um, hello," he replied, swallowing. His hearts were pounding in his chest so fast he thought they might burst.

"Those two humans I currently reside with call me Harold. I think it's funny," the kitten said, "because I used to be called that name by an entire country. However, 'Harold' is not my true name. Guess what my name is, Doctor, I dare you."

The Doctor paused. What in the world was going on here? It-it didn't…he couldn't be. No, it wasn't possible.

"Master?" the Doctor gaped questioningly and the kitten blinked.

"Yes, actually… good job, Doctor. You're better at this then I thought," the fluffy white Master said, eyes narrowing.

"But, but how? And, how did you get off of Gallefrey?" the Doctor demanded, taking a step towards the kitten.

"Well, you see…" the Master started, tail twitching.

~Flashback~

_The Master needed to get off of Gallefrey at all costs. The other Time Lords were beginning to really irritate him and the drums had become extremely loud since he'd decided to form the link to bring back the planet. He was in an overall state of annoyance; every single day, he had to sit in the blasted cell he currently called home and was forced to listen to the President rant about how the Master was a traitor for helping the Doctor, how he was an insolent, diseased child, how he should have turned out a model citizen, etc. One could see how that was annoying, couldn't they? Yes? Good._

_Anyway, the Master needed to get away, and he needed to get away soon, before he lost his sanity. Well, his sanity was long gone, but that wasn't important. He just needed to get out. _

"_Hey! Oi! Master!" called a voice and a rock came flying through the bars on the window of his cell, hitting the Master smack in the forehead. He, grumbling, looked out of the window, one hand covering the, now bleeding, section of his forehead. _

"_What?" he snapped before blinking. Standing outside of his cell was that girl from before. What was her name again? Kathy? No, Katherine? Oh wait, it was Katrina. _

"_Sorry to disturb you or anything, but I can get you out of that cell," said the teenager, who was currently dressed in a purple coat, green vest, blue shirt, yellow tie, and clown makeup. _**_(Joker makeup! X3) _**

"_Oh, you can, can you? And, why are you wearing that?" he asked and Katrina shrugged, a coy grin crossing her face. _

"_No reason in particular… and yes, I can. I _am_ the writer, after all… I can just write you out, can I not?" she asked rhetorically and the Master furrowed his eyebrows. Yes, she could. _

"_I believe you can do whatever you feel like," the Master said calmly. Katrina's smirk grew. _

"_Damn right, I can. So, I'll get you out of there on one condition," she replied, equally calm. The Master sighed. He should have known. _

"_What's your condition?" _

"_You have to be the Crack! part of my chapter for this week," she said and the Master sighed once more. _

"_As you wish," he said and Katrina nodded firmly. _

"_Awesome. Thanks, Master!" she said cheerfully, snapping her fingers. A section of the wall disappeared and the Master walked out of his cell. "I trust you have no issue with kittens," she said, snapping again. The Master furrowed his eyebrows. He probably shouldn't have agreed to this…_

~Flashback End~

"So you've been a kitten this entire time?" the Doctor asked and the Master nodded. "But, how did she even get on Gallefrey to begin with?"

"How am I supposed to know? I was just happy to be out of there…"

"Is she, I don't know, ever going to turn you back?"

The Master shrugged, an action that looked rather awkward, considering he was a kitten.

"Doubt it. But, then again, she always did like me best, so you never know."

"Um, Doctor, why are you in my house and…Oh dear God, what did you do to my potted window plants!" came the voice of Amelia Pond and the Doctor whirled around to face the angry ginger.

"Um…right… I was just…leaving," he said, turning and bolting out the door.

"Come back here! Doctor! Doctor!" Pond called after him, but he didn't turn around until he'd reached his Tardis.

Back at the Pond-Williams house, the Master closed his eyes and curled up on the couch. He'd get his regular shape back eventually, but for now, he was content.


	19. Time Lords are Pessimists

**Hello, my lovely readers! **

**This week, I bring you a story which I thought of during orchestra as I was packing up my cello. My friend Calynn had said something (I forget what) and I, being rather hyper yesterday, shouted "GALLIFREY RISES!" Then it ocured to me...what if the Time Lords had all been pessimists? **

**Enjoy!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Time Lords are Pessimists_

The President swished into the gigantic meeting room where all of the Time Council sat waiting. He stepped up to the podium and raised his staff, causing the room to fall silent.

"The plan has been put into action! Tonight, either Gallifrey falls or GALLIFREY RISES!" he called enthusiastically. There were a few brief seconds of pause before the rest of the room responded.

"GALLIFREY FALLS!" the Time Lords called in unison.

"Gallifrey rises!" screamed a single extremely hyper Time Lady named the Writer. The President lowered his staff and pouted, sulking away. Maybe next time…


	20. The Doctor's Worst Fear is Revealed

**Hey, y'all! Here's the newest installment of In Which! It's set during 'The God Complex' when the Doctor opens his door... hope it lives up to your expectations! **

**Just to reiterate because I haven't said it in a long time, I own nothing but the idea! It's also nice to hear recommendations for ideas! **

** Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor's Worst Fear is Revealed_

The Doctor ran through the hotel, searching for Howard, when he began to feel a pull toward one of the rooms. Curiosity nearly overwhelming, he crept towards the door of room eleven and reached for the door handle. Turning it, he pulled open the door.

The Doctor watched the scene inside the room for a moment, eyes wide.

"Of course," he mumbled, "who else?"

The Doctor backed away from the door. Even after the door was shut and the 'do not disturb' sign was in place, the Doctor could still hear it…

"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you! Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye! Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you…"

Shuddering, the Doctor turned and ran off to continue his search.


	21. Katrina Lycanthrope Meets the Cybermen

**Good evening, welcome to the land of the crack!fics. I only just realized that last chapter, being my 20th chapter, didn't hit home with all my readers, and for that I apologize. I find it rather disappointing that not everybody was able to understand the humor-yes, I did rickroll you people XP-but I hope that this chapter is more amusing. Recently, my muse has been getting rather hungry and I'm running out of options, but I hope to continue this for as long as I possibly can. Remember, if there's anything you'd like to see in this story, I'll try to make it happen!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Katrina Lycanthrope Meets the Cybermen_

Katrina Lycanthrope sat at the top of the slide in the park near her house, her laptop perched on her lap. Her mother had kicked her out of the house for the day, saying she needed to stop watching Doctor Who and should get some fresh air. Little did her mother know, she had the complete second season on her laptop. Mwahahaha.

Snorting in self-amusement at having just typed 'mwahahaha' on her story, she continued to write, drawing inspiration from the episode she'd just watched. She would put the cybermen in her story. She was absolutely certain that they would end up in this chapter.

"Okay, now, if I just had the cybermen do something with the Master…no, that would not work… I've already left the Master off with the Ponds. Huh, damn, I have no clue what I should do with them," she muttered to herself, rubbing her forehead and proceeding to completely mess up her hair running her hands through it. "Sometimes I hate not living in England… if I did, maybe it'd be easier to come up with something."

"Aaaaagh! Run for your liiiiiiives!" screamed a random passerby, but Katrina ignored her.

"They're gonna kill us!" continued a man, but Katrina continued to ignore it.

"DELETE! DELETE!" cried a metallic voice, yet Katrina still ignored it.

"Yeah, I have no inspiration at all right now…" she mumbled, shaking her head. Finally looking up from the computer screen, she saw people running away from a swarm of shiny metallic men. Cybermen. "Oh, that is just perfect! Hey, Cyber-dude!" she called, trying to attract the attention of one of the cybermen.

~XD~

"Okay, read this one," Katrina said enthusiastically, turning the laptop to show the cyberman she'd enlisted to help her write her chapter of the week. The cyberman paused.

"THIS STORY IS INADEQUATE. IT WILL BE UPGRADED," the cyberman commanded and Katrina scowled.

"But this is the forth time I've written it!" she protested.

"IF YOU DO NOT SUBMIT THEN IT SHALL BE DELETED."

"But I _like_ this version," Katrina wined irritatedly.

"DELETE. DELETE," the cyberman said, pressing the backspace button and shutting the document.

"Noooooo, why did you do that! I told you I liked this version, damn it!" she shrieked, smacking her forehead on the bar of the slide a few times.

"YOUR STORY SHALL BE UPGRADED. IT WILL BECOME VERSION 2.0 OR IT WILL BE DELETED," the cyberman reprimanded and Katrina sighed.

"Fiiiiiine," she said exasperatedly, opening a new word document and trying again.

It was several hours longer and many chapters deleted later that the cyberman was finally appeased. As soon as she uploaded it, the cyberman, which Katrina nick-named Tim, went back to its job of killing people and Katrina decided it would be best if she just went home and pretended like this had never happened.


	22. The Doctor Gets a Girl

**Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night, my beautiful readers! **

**I'd like to thank orlibomb for the idea for this week's chapter idea! Sorry my Valentine's Day chappie was a bit belated! Enjoy yourselves!**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem**

**P.S. I have no clue who Megan O'Goolagan is! None of the characters in this story are based off of people I know except Katrina (who's based off of myself, so I don't really need to even bother apologizing for using her), and I don't own any recognizable characters! Cheers!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor Gets a Girl_

The Doctor sat on a stool in the middle of a television studio, a thin wall separating him from three women. He didn't know why he'd agreed to this. Damn Rory for signing him up to be on that matchmaking show. Damn him to hell. 'Well, no,' the Doctor thought, scowling. He wasn't that angry with Rory… he was just nervous, he supposed.

The theme song for the television show began to play and the Doctor tried his hardest to not let his scowl deepen.

"Today's bachelor is from a planet in a galaxy far away! He likes bowties and fish custard! He's insecure and has abandonment issues, the sweetheart, but he's known as the Oncoming Storm! Here he is-the Doctor!" the announcer said in an irritatingly high pitched voice, making the Doctor wince at both her description of him and the sheer tone of her voice. The Doctor was handed a microphone.

"Hi," he said nervously, not sure what to do.

"Okay, let's meet our possible bachelorettes! Bachelorette number one is a young firecracker from Ireland! She's known to her friends as a party girl and a player! Bachelorette number two is a sweet young southern belle flown in all the way from the American southeast. She spends her time reading, writing, and occasionally showing off her skills at martial arts in karate tournaments! And, finally, bachelorette number three is a feisty young ginger from England! She's recently divorced and lookin' for love!" the announcer squealed. "Okay, Doctor! To pick your perfect match, you ask these three beautiful ladies up to five questions in order to determine which you like best! Let the game begin!"

"Okay," the Doctor said and cleared his throat, "my first question is if you were being attacked by a strange alien creature, what is the first thing you'd do?"

"Bachelorette number one?"

"I'd scream and wait for you to come rescue me," said the first girl in a dull voice. The Doctor found her annoying.

"Bachelorette number two?"

"I'd either run or try to distract it until we found a way to either destroy or neutralize it," she said and the Doctor smiled slightly. This girl sounded slightly familiar, though he couldn't place where he'd heard her voice before.

"Bachelorette number three?"

"I'd shout at it until it stopped trying to attack me." This voice sounded extremely familiar also.

"Okay, question number two!" the announcer prompted and the Doctor thought for a moment.

"If you were given the choice between causing the death of a species to save the human race or letting a few humans die to resolve a conflict, which would you chose?"

"I'd save the humans," said the first girl.

"I'd let the humans die," said the second girl honestly.

"I'd save the humans," answered the third girl.

The Doctor frowned. He didn't like the two girls' willingness to destroy an entire species-it showed they were prejudice towards their own race, but at the same time, he thought the American's lack of willingness to save her race unnerving.

"If you could go to any one moment in time, where and when would it be and why?" the Doctor asked with a small smile.

"I'd go to the end of the universe just to see how our world was going to end," said the first girl and the Doctor winced, remembering when he'd gone to the end of the universe with Martha and had caused the Master to awaken.

"I'd go the Library in the twenty fifth century because I want to learn as much about the universe as I possibly can," the second girl answered and the Doctor winced again. He'd gone to the Library planet at around that time and his River had died there. But, at least she wanted to learn…

"I want to go to my wedding day to stop myself from marrying my last husband," said the third and the Doctor scowled. He didn't like when people messed with their own past.

"Okay, I have one last question… what is your opinion on bowties?"

"I think they're vaguely unattractive," said the first girl and the Doctor could hear the scowl in her voice. He scowled also.

"Bowties are cool," said the second girl and the Doctor's scowl turned into a grin faster then someone could say ', holy SHITE! It's DAVID TENNANT! OMGOMGOMG!' Not that he knew who David Tennant was… anyway…

"Bowties are for nerds and old people," said the third girl.

The Doctor had made his choice.

"Okay, I know whom I'd like to choose," he said confidently.

"Alrighty, sweetheart! Which of these three lovely ladies is your perfect match?" the announcer squealed and the Doctor resisted wincing at her exuberantly irritating voice. He thought it reminded him of nails on a chalkboard.

"I choose bachelorette number two."

"You've chosen bachelorette number two! Okay, sweetie, you can step into the next room to meet your perfect match!" the announcer said and the Doctor turned on his stool. The door in the wall separating the two rooms slowly opened and the Doctor's jaw dropped at whom he saw.

"You?" he gaped once he was positive the cameras had been turned off.

"Me," said Katrina Lycanthrope with a self-satisfied smirk. She was dressed in a t-shirt with the Tardis printed on it, blue skinny jeans, and black heeled boots, her eyes, which were jade green today, sparkling. The Doctor resisted face palming.

"It's…good to see you again?" he said in confusion and Katrina smiled.

"Likewise, love! So glad you chose me! It was between I, Donna Noble, or someone named Megan O'Goolagan. Believe me, you will not regret this!" she said and the Doctor scowled slightly. What had he done?

"Why were you on a dating show anyway?" he asked, standing up.

"Does it matter? I'd rather not discuss that at the moment," she said, fidgeting with a loose string on her t-shirt. The Doctor sighed and nodded. "Thanks. So, in the words of your last regeneration… allons-y!" she said, trotting off in the general direction of the exit. This was the worst thing anyone had ever convinced him to do. Despite how much he enjoyed the young writer, he decided he really did hate Rory after all.


	23. Gallifrey Rises!

**Hello, everybody! **

**So, this chapter is a bit random, not that you people mind, hopefully! I actually quoted the script though, so I got what they said right, me thinks. The episodes I used were, in this order, Last of the Time Lords (season 3), School Reunion (season 2), and Silence in the Library (season 4). Enjoy!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Gallifrey Rises!_

Katrina Lycanthrope sat at her desk in the Torchwood hub, typing away at her laptop. She had to finish the list of every being in the universe-a task that Jack Harkness had been assigned, yet had refused to complete. She had wanted to look around Torchwood one day, but Jack would only let her come with him if she finished all the work he didn't feel like doing. Katrina didn't mind, though, because she had found a vortex manipulator in the storage section. As soon as her shift ended, it would be time to put her sinister plan into action.

~XD~

The old man that was the Doctor pointed the laser screwdriver at the Master, who was watching him with a lack of surprise on his face.

"Oh, I see," The Master said, raising an eyebrow.

"I told you. I have one thing to say," the Doctor murmured.

"Gallifrey rises!" shrieked someone on the other side of the room. The teenage girl had seemingly materialized out of nowhere. She had completely confused everyone in the room, ruined the drama of the scene, and then had left again.

~XD~

The Doctor walked into the physics classroom and wrote the word 'physics' on the board.

"So, physics," he said with a grin, capping the pen and chucking it onto the desk. "Physics. Eh? Physics. Phyyyyyyyysics. Physics! Physics. Physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics."

At the amused looks the class gave him, he tossed his head slightly.

"I hope one of you is getting all this down. Um, okay; let's see what you know. Two identical strips of nylon are charged with static electricity and hung from a string so they can swing freely. What would happen if they were brought near each other?" The Doctor pointed to a student. "Yes, you. What's your name?"

"Milo," the kid replied.

"Milo! Off you go!"

"They'd repel each other because they have the same charge," Milo answered and the Doctor grinned.  
>"Correctamundo! A word I have never used before and hopefully never will again. Question two; I coil up a thin piece of micro wire and place it in a glass of water. Then I turn on the electricity and measure to see if the water's temperature is affected. My question is this; how do I measure the electrical power going into the coil?"<p>

Milo raised his hand again immediately.

"Anybody else?" the Doctor asked and a girl in the back raised her hand. She had chin-length golden brown hair and green eyes; she was dressed in a black t-shirt and blue skinny jeans, not the school uniform at all. The Doctor pointed to her anyway. "What's your name?"

"Kat," the girl replied, grinning hugely.

"Okay, Kat, have at it!"

"Gallifrey rises!" she shouted, standing up and putting her hands on her hips in a triumphant motion. The Doctor blinked a few times in shock.

"What did you say?"

"Gallifrey rises!" Kat shouted again. Before the Doctor or any of the other people in the room could say anything in response, she twisted a knob on her writs and disappeared.

~XD~

The Doctor looked at the curly-haired woman in the astronaut suit before him, trying to decipher who River was, how she knew who he was, how she knew his future.

"You've seen me before, then?" he asked and River's eyes widened a little. She grabbed his hand.

"Doctor, please tell me you know who I am…" she pleaded and the Doctor shook his head slightly.

"Who are you?" he asked and River looked at him sadly.

"Gallifrey rises!" shouted someone, startling both the Doctor and River. River blinked a few times.

"Kat, sweetie, I don't really think now is the best time…"

"Oh, sorry?" she replied, her voice a little sarcastic. Katrina Lycanthrope turned a knob on her wrist and disappeared again.

~XD~

Katrina Lycanthrope appeared back in the Torchwood hub, her spine very sore. She decided that traveling through the vortex non-stop for the past few hours was not her best idea, but it was worth it.


	24. The Doctor Goes on Holiday

**Good day to you, my lovely readers! **

**So, I kind of came up with this one on the spot, due to the lack of spare time I've had this week. My professors kept my week filled to the brim with homework assignments galore, and usually I do at least a smidge of pre-writing/brain storming before I write, but I just kinda wrote this one out of thin air. I hope you like it anyway!**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem**

**P.S. Katrina Lycanthrope is not in this chapter-thank Loki!-so the Doctor gets a break from me for this week! However, there is an Absentminded!Rose and a bunch of Irritatingly Dull!generic characters. Enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor Goes on Holiday_

"So, Rose! Where are we going next?" the Doctor questioned, taking off his long brown coat and tossing it over the dip in the coral-shaped column he had just walked past. Rose Tyler walked into the Tardis and shut the door behind her.

"I don't know," she replied with a shrug, following the Doctor to the controls.

"Ooh, I know! I want you to pull random controls on the panel and let's see where we end up!" the Doctor suggested, grinning hugely. He was so hyper and he had no idea why. It might have had something to do with the fifteen cupcakes he'd eaten at that party. He hadn't been able to help himself. They'd had edible ball bearings on them.

"Are you sure?" Rose asked and the Doctor nodded rapidly.

"I'm always sure, Rose! I'm the Doctor! Now, come on, do something interesting! That's what I have you here for," the Doctor said and Rose nodded, stepping up to the controls and flipping a series of random levers.

~XD~

The Doctor felt the Tardis materialize again and grabbed Rose's hand, snagging his coat off the column and pulling it on.

"Get ready for an adventure!" he yelled enthusiastically, opening the Tardis door and stepping outside. Everything was black, white, or gray-there was not a single inch of color besides himself and Rose. Thinking this was a little odd, he felt that they try to find out where they were. He pulled Rose along until they reached a town.

"So, where are we, Doctor?" Rose asked and the Doctor shrugged.

"I haven't the slightest idea. Let's ask someone," he said, spotting a pale man with gray hair and an all black and gray suit. The Doctor skipped over. "Hello, I'm the Doctor and this is Rose. Can you perhaps tell us where we are?"

"Well," the man said in a dull voice, devoid of any accent or inflection, "you're in Humdrum town, New Dullsville."

"Oh, I see… and what planet is this?" the Doctor asked, his hopes for adventure falling slightly at the name of the town.

"This is the planet Monotone in the Boring galaxy. Surely you know where you are," the man said, raising his eyebrow. The Doctor frowned.

"Of course I do…" he said.

"I thought not. I'm John Smith the first, the mayor of Humdrum. Everyone's last name is Smith here, because we're in the state of Smith. I will show you around," Mayor Smith said and the Doctor followed him away from the colorless post office they were in front of. Rose had wandered off at the beginning of the conversation to chase a colorless butterfly.

~XD~

The citizens of Humdrum town had forced the Doctor and Rose to stay for the entirety of the twenty-four day week composed entirely of Tuesdays, during which time the Doctor was subjected to several tea parties where the conversation went nowhere, the tea was mediocre, and there were no bananas, and Rose chased several more colorless butterflies. To the Doctor's dismay, there were no such things as bananas on the planet Monotone. He had to get out of there.

"Rose, come on, I need your help," the Doctor said, catching up to his companion as she chased another butterfly. He looked exhausted, his clothes all rumpled, with dark circles under his eyes. He hadn't had any adventures in twenty-four days, and it was really starting to get to him.

"But, Doctor, I'm having fun!" she protested and the Doctor snagged her wrist.

"Did somebody say 'fun'?" gasped a random passerby, a generic looking man by the name Carl Smith. He was the law enforcer of Humdrum town. "Fun is not allowed in New Dullsville. Please leave immediately."

"Oh, thank Rassilon!" the Doctor shouted, pulling Rose back to the Tardis.

"Doctor, why did we have to leave?" Rose wined, pouting as the Doctor input new coordinates in the plotter.

"Because, while you were having fun, I was stuck playing the part of a respectable citizen!" he complained back. "There is no way I am going back there again! Worst holiday EVER!


	25. Pears Must be Eaten

**Good morning/afternoon/evening, my fellow Whovians!**

**So, this is my first attempt at writing an episode with John Smith and Martha, so I know they'll both be rather ooc... Remember, ooc is supposed to happen because this is a Crack!fic, and I can... **

**So, my sister was sitting next to me talking about how she enjoyed her yogurt while I was typing this chapter, not quite knowing what I wanted to write, but, since I hate yogurt, I thought I'd write about something the Doctor hated... pears. In fact, I rather hate them too, so yeah... Enjoy!**

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem**

**I dedicate this chapter to my little sister's strawberry yogurt. Thank you for the inspiration.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Pears Must be Eaten_

John Smith sat in his office, sketching in his journal. It wasn't a diary. It was a journal. Obviously…anyway, he was sketching in his journal when, suddenly, he heard a noise. The noise sounded like bones breaking, and a flash of light accompanied it.

As soon as the light was gone, John Smith saw a young girl standing in his office. She was dressed in odd clothing for a girl to wear-a pair of blue trousers that fit tightly to her legs, a black shirt with the words 'Trust Me, I'm the Doctor' printed on it in silver lettering, and black heeled boots. Her hair was cropped to her shoulders and she had a look of pain on her face. Slowly, she straightened up and John Smith heard her spine crack several times.

"Right, sorry about that. Alright, where was I?" she asked with an accent John Smith had never heard before. He furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh, yes, right," she said calmly, clearing her throat. "Gallifrey rises!"

"What? How did you know of my stories?" John Smith asked, apparently catching the girl off guard.

"Stories? What stories?"

"The stories I wrote in my journal. They were about a man who could travel to time and he was from a place called Gallifrey," John Smith explained and the girl blinked a few times.

"Oh, yes, um," the girl said, looking at him carefully. John Smith smiled.

"I'm Doctor John Smith. Pleased to meet you," he said kindly, giving a slight bow and holding out his hand for her to shake.

"Um, I'm Katrina. Katrina Lycanthrope. It's nice to meet you also," she said and took John Smith's hand. He lifted it to his lips and kissed it.

"The pleasure is all mine," he said and Katrina looked taken aback. "Is something the matter, Ms. Lycanthrope?" She shook her head.

"No, everything is perfectly alright, Doctor," Katrina replied, her oddly accented voice calm yet breathy. John Smith wondered why she had only addressed him by his title, debating as to whether or not he should comment, before deciding to do so.

"Why did you address me as, simply, 'doctor'? You are free to address me by my surname or, if we were to become familiar with each other like I feel that we should, my first name," John Smith said, giving a semi-flirtatious smile. Katrina Lycanthrope blinked again, her jaw slackening slightly before tensing again.

"Oh, okay, John…um," she stuttered briefly, however keeping her look of calm. Just then, his maid, Martha, had entered the room.

"Oh, Mr. Smith, I didn't realize you had company," she said and Katrina looked at her with a look of realization.

"Oh, oh, I see," Katrina said calmly.

"Ms. Lycanthrope, this is my maid Martha Jones. Martha, this is Katrina Lycanthrope. She appeared out of nowhere," John Smith said calmly and Martha looked at Katrina in surprise.

"So, you appeared out of nowhere?"

"So it seems, Martha Jones. So it seems," Katrina said calmly, slipping into a calmer disposition then the flustered one John Smith had seen moments ago.

"May I speak with you in private?" Martha asked and Katrina nodded.

"I shall return in a moment, John," Katrina said, following Martha from the room.

~XD~

Martha led the strange teenager out of 'John Smith's' office and into a small side hallway. She looked like she was from her time, and felt that she should know who this was, yet had no idea as to Katrina Lycanthrope's identity.

"So, who are you and what do you want with the Doctor?" Martha asked, getting right to the point. Katrina frowned.

"I don't want anything from the Doctor… I simply wanted to catch him off guard. I'm not here to turn him into those things that are after you," she explained and Martha frowned.

"How do you know about them?"

"I have my ways…"

"So, what are you going to do now that you know that the Doctor thinks he's a human?" Martha asked and Katrina shrugged.

"Well, I suppose I'll leave and go try surprising him in a different time… oh, and, before I go, I must advise that you open the fob watch. It would help you immensely, trust me, and the longer you wait, the more trouble you'll have convincing the Doctor that he really is the Doctor, got it?" Katrina explained and Martha nodded firmly, not even bothering to try to figure out how she knew about the fob watch.

"I will open it soon," Martha said resignedly and Katrina grinned.

"Before you do, you should feed him a pear, just to see what he'll do. Promise me you'll do this?" Katrina asked.

"I promise," Martha said, smiling and Katrina's grin widened.

"Fantastic, but I really must be going now… I have to jump back to two thousand and twelve to get back to my pseudo-job. I'll see you around, Martha." Katrina pressed a few buttons on her wrist, disappearing with a flash of light.

~XD~

"And one more thing, Martha, why in the world would you give me pears! I told you in my message that I hated them!" the Doctor ranted and Martha smiled fondly. She had remembered her promise to that odd girl shortly after having decided to open the watch. His face had made everything worth it once he'd turned back into a Time Lord… such a mixture of disgust and confusion had, until that point, been unknown to Martha. Of course, she'd laughed her arse off at his facial expression, and now she would pay for it, but it was worth it.


	26. The Doctor Visits Rose

**Good Evening! **

**So, this chapter doesn't even need an explanation as to why I chose it-I was watching The Wedding of River Song and the Doctor was talking about things he would do if he didn't have to die. One of those things was to help Rose Tyler with her homework. I had intentionally wanted to write a bit of fluff for this, but after several tries, I decided to make this instead. So, enjoy! **

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor Visits Rose_

The Doctor was bored. He wanted to stop laying low, having 'died' almost a month ago, and he wanted to do everything he'd said he could do. He'd already called the Brigadier, and had attended Jack's stag parties. Which had been, possibly, the worst thing he'd ever done. In fact, he was still sore from, erm, well, he didn't want to talk about it, never mind. So, in an attempt to remove the onslaught of images that had resurfaced in his brain, he tried to think of anything else he had wanted to do. Only one thing came to mind. He would help Rose Tyler with her homework.

The Doctor parked the Tardis outside of the Tyler household and got out, adjusting his new purple polka-dotted bowtie. He was a little nervous to see Rose again. The last time he'd seen her, he'd left her back in the alternate reality with a half-human version of his past self. But, if he were lucky, which he rarely was, he'd get to see her before she'd met him. So he'd have no idea who he was. Which was a good thing.

The Doctor knocked on the door to Rose's flat and waited, rocking on his heels. The door was opened by Jackie Tyler, Rose's mum.

"Hello?" she asked and the Doctor grinned. He'd missed this woman.

"Jackie!" he cried, pulling her into a hug before he could stop himself.

"Who are you?" she asked once the Doctor had let go. He grinned charmingly.

"I'm John Smith. I'm here to help Rose with her homework!" he said and Jackie smiled.

"Oh, Rose told me she was having a little trouble with physics. Come right on in," she said and the Doctor walked into the house. "Rose! A boy's here to help you with your homework!"

"Mum, I'm busy!" Rose called back.

"You can play with Mickey later! You need to do your physics homework!" Jackie called and Rose groaned.

"I'm not playing with Mickey, I'm…doing something else!" Rose called back. The Doctor, curious, walked back to Rose's room and pushed open the door. Rose was standing next to her bed talking to…him. His ninth self. Drat.

"Oh, hello! Rose, who's this?" Nine asked as the Doctor stood, gaping, at his past self.

"I don't know," Rose said, wrinkling her nose.

"I'm John Smith," the Doctor lied, smiling, "I'm here to help Rose with her homework."

"I'm the Doctor," said Nine, smiling. The Doctor nodded.

"Yes, I know," he blurted before clapping his hands over his moth, his eyes widening. "Oops."

"How do you know who I am?" Nine asked and the Doctor quickly turned, darting out of the room.

"Wait! What about Rose's homework!" Jackie called from behind the Doctor as he ran back to the Tardis.

"She'll get it eventually!" he called back, opening the door, darting in, slamming the door, and then quickly escaping. "Well, that was not good…not good at all."


	27. The Toclofane Have a Tea Party

**Hello everybody!**

**So, here's today's chapter! I hope everybody likes it! It literally just hit me last night when I was drinking my daily glass of raspberry iced tea. I hope you people find it enjoyable! Cheers!**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Toclofane Have a Tea Party_

Three spheres hovered slightly above three separate chairs in the conference room of the _Valiant_, each with a separate teacup and a plate with four biscuits in front of it, a tea pot and assorted tea related accessories on a tray in the center of the table. They hovered, ignoring the Doctor, who was asleep in the tent near the balcony, and waited for the fourth member of their congregation.

"Where is he?" asked Toclofane number two hundred thirty six. It shot glances between the other two at the table. Toclofane number four thousand nine hundred and seventy two unsheathed its blades and used it to stir the tea in the cup in front of it.

"I'm not sure," replied four thousand nine hundred and seventy two, pensively stirring the tea. The Toclofane took its knives out of the tea and shook them off, retracting them.

"You know," said the third Toclofane, number six billion and two, "I think I saw four ninety nine on the list of those working today. I'll try to contact him through our telepathic link if you want?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Alright," the other Toclofane agreed and six billion two tried to focus on four ninety-nine. He wasn't there. "I think he's been killed."

"Oh," said two hundred thirty six. "That's disappointing."

"Indeed," agreed four thousand nine hundred and seventy two. "I suggest we find someone else to complete our group." The other two Toclofane agreed.

~XD~

The search continued for four days, yet the three Toclofane could not find anybody who would join their tea party. The humans were all afraid of them, the other Toclofane, who shared their memories, had, erm, "politely declined", and the Master was always busy. Which left them with one option.

"Doctor, pass the sugar."


	28. The Master Returns

**Hellooooo everybody! How are all of y'all today? Well, I was feeling kinda lazy this week and decided to just use my wonderful fall-back plot device. The White Kitten, aka the Master! Huzzah! **

**Enjoy!**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Master Returns_

Katrina Lycanthrope sat on a park bench in the park near the flat she inhabited temporarily in Cardiff, trying to decide what kind of chapter the day's chapter would be. It could be so many things, but she honestly had no clue what to choose. So, she decided on the one that seemed most easily doable. She'd bring back the white kitten.

"Wait a minute…" she said aloud, causing one of the passers by to pause and look at her. "No, not you," Katrina said and the man who had stopped nodded, walking away. "I already told everyone who the white kitten was. It's not going to be any fun if I bring him back… and I couldn't end my chapter with the traditional 'soon' thing I usually end it with. Damn, that is disappointing."

But, still, she had no other option, as she was way too lazy to come up with something entirely new, having been involved in a Heroes marathon all day and, therefore, her thoughts were more focused on creating an OC to end up with the serial killer then on the possible creation of a new idea for this story. And, she wasn't able to think in non-run-on sentences. Which made her kind of angry.

"I suppose I have no other choice. I have to bring him back. Time to go visit the Ponds," she sighed, standing up slowly. "Allons-y."

~XD~

Katrina skipped up the steps to the front door of the Ponds' house and rapped her knuckles against it sharply in a manner that was similar to the drums. It was only a moment before the door opened.

"Hello, can I help you?" asked Rory and Katrina smiled. She was really quite glad Rory had answered the door. She really didn't enjoy Amy all that much…

"Yes, hello, I would like to speak to your cat if that isn't a problem," Katrina requested and Rory blinked several times. If Katrina had been a weeping angel, she would have definitely been able to kill him by now.

"You want to…what?"

"Speak with your cat. Can I talk to Harold?" she asked, standing on her tiptoes to look over Rory's shoulder and into the house.

"Um," he said, giving Katrina an odd look.

"Fantastic!" she said, pushing past the long-nosed man and waltzing into the living room. "Master?"

"Harold is your master?" Rory asked, following her into the living room.

"Nope," Katrina said, "though I wouldn't mind if he was… his real name is the Master."

Just then, a small, fluffy, white kitten came padding into the room and over to Katrina.

"There you are!" the writer squealed, reaching down and lifting the kitten up, hugging him to her chest and getting white cat fur all over her Tardis-blue tank-top. "It is fantastic to see you! How've you been?"

"You're talking to my cat?" Rory gaped, having undoubtedly doubted that Katrina would actually talk to the kitten.

"He's not really a cat. He's actually a Time Lord, and I'm here to change him back," Katrina said, continuing to snuggle with the Master. She couldn't help herself for two reasons. The first was that the Master was her favorite character, and the second was, well, she just really liked cats. The Master mewed contentedly.

"My wife's cat is a Time Lord?"

"Yes." Katrina reluctantly set the Master down and stepped back a step, snapping her fingers. In place of the fluffy white kitten sat the Master, who was smiling devilishly.

"Hi," he said exuberantly and Rory opened his mouth, closing it, opening it, and then closing it, before feinting.

"You broke him," Katrina commented offhandedly, not really caring that Rory had feinted due to the presence of her favorite character other then the Doctor.

"And I care?" the Master asked with a smirk. Katrina snickered.

"Well, I'm not quite sure what to do next, but I suppose we should just leave. If Amy found us here with her husband, who knows what she'd do…" she said, and the Master laughed, the psychotic sound making Katrina's heart stop. He was just so fantastic. "Oh holy shite!" Katrina gasped suddenly, "I'm starting to sound like Eccleston!"

"What's an Eccleston?" the Master frowned and Katrina, vaguely distraught over the amount of times she'd said the word 'fantastic' since the beginning of the chapter, shrugged.

"Does it even matter?"

"I suppose not…" the Master amended and Katrina sighed.

"Fantastic," she said and then winced before shaking it off. "Let's get out of here before-"

"Hey, who are you and why are you-" Amy started, having walked down the stairs to see what all the yelling was about.

"Run!" Katrina yelled, grabbing the Master by the wrist and running away from the irritable ginger before she could finish her sentence. She didn't look back until they were far away, and then proceeded to take the Master out for ice cream in order to celebrate his return to normality.


	29. Katrina Gets a Job

**Hey peoples! **

**So, happy Easter for those who celebrate it this weekend! I'm Orthodox, so I celebrate it next weekend but still! **

**So, I don't know why I felt the need to find a job for my character... she, and I know this from experience, would have been perfectly fine working at Torchwood...however, since I doubt that pays enough to buy a space ship, she needed to take a second one. So this is what happened. **

**Is it obvious that I'm exhausted right now? I don't think that explanation made any sense... **

**Anywho, have fun reading my chapter!**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Katrina Gets a Job_

Katrina Lycanthrope sat in front of her possible new boss and gazed into his large black eyes.

"Are you sure you want this position to be filled by me?" she asked tentatively and the creature in front of her nodded its bulbous pale head. "Well, alright then…I suppose I can work with you."

~XD~

The Doctor knew the creatures he wouldn't ever remember being surrounded by surrounded him. The Silence were closing in on him. There were thousands of them, judging by the amount of tally marks on his skin, and there was no escape.

"Doctor!" called a voice he hadn't heard in months, that amount of time having passed since he started fighting the Silence. The Doctor looked away from the creature he had been staring down and saw the one person he hadn't ever thought he'd see in 1969. It was Katrina Lycanthrope. And she had a clipboard.

"Katrina? What are you doing here?" he asked, temporarily forgetting what he'd been staring at. The teenager in front of him, who was usually in the 21st century, was dressed in a pinstriped pencil skirt and a white blouse, her fake glasses on her face and her honey blonde hair twisted into a bun. Over her left eye was a silver patch. Katrina grinned.

"Working," she said simply, " I got a job as the coordinator of recreational activities with the Silence. They got bored of tennis, water polo, and macaroni art, so I thought, 'what the hell. Let's go fight some people'," Katrina explained with a shrug of indifference. The Doctor gawked at her for a moment, his mouth opening and closing, and his golden-green eyes blinking rapidly.

"You work for the Silence?"

"Yup," the teenager said, popping the p.

"_You_ work for the _Silence_," he repeated. Katrina nodded.

"Yes, I think we established this already. What's your point?"

"My point? My point is that they're trying to _kill me_!" the Doctor yelled, arms flailing as he stepped towards Katrina purposefully. Katrina blinked the one eye that the Doctor could see, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Yes, and?"

"And I thought you liked me!"

"I do like you, Doctor," Katrina said, "I just needed money. The Silence pay me five grand an hour."

"For what?" the Doctor inquired.

"I'm trying to buy a space ship from U.N.I.T, and they won't take any offer below four million."

"You do know that I could just take you for a ride in the Tardis and you wouldn't have to pay for it, right?"

"Yeah, I know… I just kinda want a space ship."

"Oh, all right then," the Doctor said, turning away. "Good luck with your space ship."

"And good luck to you too fighting the Silence. You're gonna need it… they learned some pretty epic things in macaroni art class," Katrina said and the Doctor heard her walk away.


	30. The Doctor is Saved Mostly

**Good evening! **

**Yay, chapter number 30! **

**I'd like to thank the people who reviewed since I last posted! You know who you are, and I am very thankful that _someone_ still reads this! Honestly people, how do I know if y'all are enjoying this if you don't review? Every time this story is read and the reader doesn't review, a puppy dies. There. I said it. I'm sorry, but it's true. **

**Anyway, this one isn't straight up crack!, but I hope that's okay. I just felt kinda sorry for the Metacrisis!Doctor and decided he needed a helping hand!**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor is Saved…Mostly_

The Doctor, known as '10.5', 'handy', 'the half-human Doctor', or 'John Tyler' as he was now called, was bored. He was so bored of his domestic life with Rose that he simply could not take it any more. He had never been a fan of domestics, but this, life with Rose in a flat in London, this was torture. Pure torture of the worst type. Oh dear God, how he had to get out of there! She'd made him get a job and enlisted him in a, shudder, book club. Not that he didn't like books… it was just. so. domestic.

As the Doctor parked the small blue Volkswagen Beetle he'd named 'Tardis the second', he heard a loud high-pitched noise. It seemed to be coming from the sky. Invaders from the sky, oh ho! He'd missed this so very very much! More enthusiastically then he'd moved in nearly a year, the Doctor leaped from his car and looked up, squinting his eyes against the bright sun. It was a space ship. There was a large, beautiful, green and silver space ship. And, thank Rassilon; it was landing in front of his flat!

The space ship was large, though only large enough to be piloted by one or two people, and it resembled a beta fish, only with a large gun on the roof. The Doctor would have scowled at the sight of the gun had he not been so excited to see a space ship at all.

The nose of the space ship opened with a hiss, acid green smoke pouring out of the mouth as an illuminated silver staircase descended. A shadowy figure emerged from within, and the Doctor's heart hammered against his chest with excitement.

"Ooh, this is fantastic!" called an American accented voice and a teenaged girl came into view. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans, no shoes, and a Tardis-blue sweater zipped over a black t-shirt, her short honey colored hair partially concealed under a fez. "They didn't say the ship could travel _dimensions_ too! That was the best bargain I've ever found!" She turned to the Doctor, smiling hugely. "Hi! I'm Katrina Lycanthrope! I'm here to rescue you!"

"To rescue me?" he asked, eyebrows raised. Katrina Lycanthrope nodded enthusiastically.

"Yup!" she said, walking forward and staring up at the Doctor with glittering jade gray eyes. "You do want to get out of here, right?"

"Oh yes!" the Doctor replied enthusiastically, a manic grin on his face.

"Great! Let's go!" Katrina said, turning towards her space ship. "Allons-y!"

"Oh yes!" the Doctor repeated, following the teenager into the acidy green depths of the ship.

~XD~

"Let me get this straight," the Doctor asked quietly, looking at the teenager he'd come to enjoy and his half-human past self from across the table in the Tardis' dining room, "you bought a space ship just to retrieve _him_ from the parallel dimension I put him in so he/I could be with Rose?"

"Problem?" Katrina asked smugly. The half-human Doctor gave the Doctor a look.

"What?" the Doctor asked.

"A bowtie? Really?" the half-human Doctor asked and the Doctor scowled.

"Now, now, children, don't fight," Katrina taunted and both Doctors looked at her with an expression that said 'seriously?'. "What?" she asked, putting on a look of innocence at the looks she was receiving. "I did save you, didn't I? You should be grateful I didn't leave your past self there with that…blonde…"

"You're right. Thanks, Kat."

"No prob. Domestics are boring. I believe you now owe me." Katrina got up and gave the Doctors a sinister smile. "And, trust me, I have a few ideas." Both Doctors looked at one another and swallowed the growing lump in their throats. Owing Katrina Lycanthrope a favor and the fact that she had _ideas _as to how he was meant to repay her? _That_ was not good…very very very not good at all.


	31. There Are Two of Them

**Good Afternoon!  
><strong>

**So, this chapter is the beginning of a new era! The era of the two Katrinas! Dun dun Dun! Basically, I just thought that it'd be fun to get a Ganger...so this is what I do.  
><strong>

**The entire exchange between Katrina and her Ganger is composed of inside jokes I have with my friend Thea Cullen. For more examples of things that our collaborative minds produce, read The Day the Earth Imploded. We made it using Apples to Apples cards. It's on my list of stories, if you actually want to.  
><strong>

**And, no, I have no desire to explain them this time... sorry.  
><strong>

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_There Are Two of Them_

Katrina Lycanthrope left the Torchwood hub, which she still worked at when she wasn't working for the Silence, and sighed, running a hand through her now shoulder length hair. Sometimes she just wished she could be in two places at once. She already used her vortex manipulator to pull more hours then was otherwise possible at work, and then she still had to go back to the states to complete school. It was so stressful…

"Wait," she paused, making several people nearby her pause to see what she had to say. This happened a lot, most likely due to the fact that she owned the Universe, but most of the time she found it irritating. Today, Katrina didn't really care. "What if I were to get a Ganger? I mean…if there really _were_ two of me, then I could get twice as much stuff done, right?"

"Oh, you weren't talking to me…" said a random man, one of the people who had stopped to hear what she had to say. Katrina shook her head.

"No, I was talking to myself. I do that a lot," she said and the crowd of people mumbled their disappointment and scattered. "Okay," Katrina decided. "I'm going to go and get a Ganger."

~XD~

Katrina landed on the island with that castle from the Ganger episode and sidestepped a puddle of acid on her way up to the vat of Flesh. This was going to be awesome. Carefully, she observed the vat for a moment before pressing her hand to it, providing the necessary DNA needed to make herself a Ganger.

~XD~

About an hour later, an exact copy of Katrina Lycanthrope emerged from the vat of Flesh and Katrina smiled at her Ganger cheerfully. The Ganger smiled back identically.

"Oh, you're just fantastic, aren't you?" the real Katrina asked, giving her Ganger an appreciative look.

"You're fantastic too," said Ganger!Katrina, copying the appreciative look, "I mean, you are the owner of the Universe."

"True…" Katrina responded, "So, do you wanna go to my Christmas party?"

"Is it in the dungeon?" the Ganger replied, responding to the inside joke that Katrina had with her friend Thea. They both grinned.

"Yeah, it's next to the infirmary."

"Will there be garlic bread?"

"Yes, and bunnies with guitars."

"Excillant! Then, I challenge you to a duel!"

"Bella, who are these people, Edward yelled," the real Katrina finished.

"Best. Story. Ever," the Ganger!Katrina summed up and both Katrinas burst out laughing.

"Oh dear Loki, this is hilarious! I see what the Doctor meant when he said what he said about having someone think exactly like you! I love it!" Katrina said and Ganger!Katrina nodded in agreement. "So, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That we should find the Doctor?"

"Yup!" Katrina said.

"Then yes, I am thinking what you're thinking!"

"Allons-y!" both Katrinas shouted at the same time and they left the room containing the vat of Flesh.

~XD~

Katrina and her Ganger skipped up the steps to the top of the tower and Ganger!Katrina rapped her knuckles on the door before they both just teleported in using the vortex manipulator.

"Oh dear Loki, that is really irritating!" said Ganger!Katrina.

"I know…" Katrina said in reply and they both popped their spines before looking up to see that most of the people in the room were staring at them.

"Oh no…" the two Doctors said in unison and both Katrinas grinned evilly.

"Oh yes."


	32. The Doctor Bakes

**Hey!  
><strong>

**Oh dear Loki! I just realized how often I've been including Katrina way to often in my story, so I'm kicking her out for a while. She's in the first portion, but only to tell the Doctor that she's not going to be there to fix his boredom for a little while. I mean, I could keep putting her in every chapter for the rest of the story, but I am starting to grow tired of writing about 'myself'.  
><strong>

**Warning for this chapter: Includes a tinge of Doctor!whump. I feel kinda bad about it, but it was necessary in a chapter entitled 'In Which...The Doctor Bakes'.  
><strong>

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor Bakes_

The Doctor sat in his Tardis trying to figure out something to do. He had absolutely nothing left on his list of things to do. This was usually the point at which he either bothered the Ponds, phoned River, irritated his half-human past self, or was irritated by Katrina Lycanthrope, but none of those options were available to him. The Ponds were on their seventy third honeymoon, River was at a weeping angel rave, 10.5 was visiting Martha, and, surprisingly enough, the young writer was nowhere to be seen. And the fact that he even wanted to be around her showed just how bored he was.

Suddenly, there came the familiar sound of breaking bones, and an accompanying flash of light. The Doctor smiled largely.

"Oh, Loki, that is really getting old," groaned Katrina as she stood up, her spine popping once again.

"Kat! Where've you been?" the Doctor asked and Katrina blinked at him once, most likely surprised at his sudden enthusiasm at her appearance.

"Um, hello Doctor. It's nice to see you," she said, a small smile on her face.

"I'm so glad to see you. I am so bored!" he exclaimed, flailing his arms in exasperation. Katrina's smile died slightly and was reborn into a pout.

"I'm sorry…I actually have something I have to get done today…" she said and the Doctor scowled.

"What do you have to do?"

"Well," the writer said, reaching up and smoothing down her now above chin-length hair. "I just got back from a hair appointment, and I'm supposed to be getting ready for prom, but I'd wanted to tell you I couldn't be in this chapter today. Besides, I've been one of the major characters in three chapters in a row before this. I think it's time to give my character a break."

"Oh…" the Doctor said and sighed. "Well, have fun at your dance."

"I'll do my best. And you have fun trying to figure out something to do!" Katrina said, waving and then disappearing again in another flash of light.

The Doctor sat back down and sighed, crossing his long arms over his bony chest. He fidgeted with his bowtie for a moment, again, trying to figure out what to do when it hit him like a new driver hits a mailbox. He could utilize the kitchen for the first time since the Tardis had rebuilt!

~XD~

Half an hour later, the Doctor found the new kitchen, which had been where the library used to be. This room still contained the swimming pool, but the Doctor didn't care right now. He was on a mission. A mission to bake a cake.

Because the original recipe for chocolate cake seemed so boring, the Doctor pulled down random things he thought would taste good to add to it. Strawberries: check. Raisins: check. An avocado: check. There were several other things he added too, but he didn't keep a list.

When the Doctor had finished stirring the lumpy greenish mixture, he poured it into a cake pan and put it in the oven for the amount of time he was instructed to.

~XD~

After the 'cake' was cooled, the Doctor cut himself a large slice and walked around the pool and back to the console room. This cake looked so much cooler then the other cakes he'd come across in his travels. There were bits of stuff in it!

The Doctor cut a piece of his piece of cake with his fork and happily plopped it into his mouth. He was able to eat almost the entire piece before he began to feel a little off. Clutching his stomach, he tossed the almost finished piece of cake away and it landed with a splat, sticking to the wall. The Doctor moaned in pain. Worst. Cake. Ever.


	33. The Doctor is Bored

**Hi there!  
><strong>

**So, yesterday I was thinking about the trip to New York I took a few days before my fourteenth birthday, and I remembered seeing a man who looked kind of like the eleventh Doctor on a bench in Central Park. Back then, I was still obsessed with vampires, and had no idea what Doctor Who was (blasphemy!), but if I had known about Doctor Who, then I would have sat down next to him and told him he looked like the Doctor. This is the story of when my thirteen-year-old self meets the Doctor, ineffably leading to my obsession with the show.  
><strong>

**This took a really long time to type, because I fractured two knuckles on my right hand during my black belt re-certification test this morning, and I was only able to use one hand. Well, I used two hands to type, but I was only able to use one hand with out being in immense pain. However, it was worth it! I love y'all who still read this, and I would do anything to keep you happy! XD  
><strong>

**Technically I didn't bring myself back into this chapter, because mine and my past-self's personalities are tremendously different. Yay loophole!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor is Bored_

The Doctor sat on a park bench in New York City listening to the iPod the Ponds had bought him for his one thousand and twenty-seventh birthday. He had taken the Ponds to New York as a vacation from all the adventures they'd been having lately, and he had no idea as to where they ran off to. He had a feeling they were either at the Empire State building, or at the Statue of Liberty…or maybe they were shopping. The Doctor honestly hadn't been listening to what they'd told him they'd be doing before they ran off. It didn't matter though, because he could just play with one of his iPod apps or something when he got bored.

Unfortunately, he was already bored, and the only app he had was a calculator. That was irritating. He'd been about to resort to playing with the calculator when his battery suddenly died.

"No, oh, no, no, no!" he moaned, hitting the iPod against the palm of his right hand. He heard a crack and blinked, staring down at the electronic device in his hand. He broke it. The Doctor scowled, shoving the iPod in his pocket with a huff. "Useless."

"Excuse me, sir, may I sit with you for a moment?" came a voice that sounded oddly familiar and the Doctor looked up. In front of him was a girl who looked about thirteen, with long honey brown hair, black short shorts, a hot pink shirt, and a black vest. On her head was a fedora, in her hands were several shopping bags, and her heavily makeup-ed gray-green eyes stared at him apprehensively and unblinkingly. The Doctor smiled and nodded. The girl smiled and sat down, setting her bags on the ground. "Thanks."

"Not a problem," the Doctor replied, trying to think of why this girl was so familiar, because he honestly didn't know who she was. "I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor who?" she asked and the Doctor shrugged.

"Just the Doctor. What's your name?"

"I'm Katrina Lycanthrope, but everyone calls me Kat," she said and the Doctor blinked. Oh. It was Katrina! But she was so young!

"Nice to meet you, Kat," the Doctor smiled, trying his hardest to keep his face from showing the shock he felt. The younger Katrina smiled, pulling something out of one of her shopping bags.

"Nice to meet you too," she said, breaking off a piece of her giant pretzel. "Want some?" she held out the portion she'd broken off to the Doctor, who accepted it.

"Thanks," he took a bite, "so how are you liking New York?"

"It's a bit harder to breathe here then it is in South Carolina, but I keep hoping I'll get to see one of the actors from my favorite television show," she said and took a bite of the pretzel. "Ian Sommerhalder. He plays Damon Salvatore on the Vampire Diaries."

"Do you know a television show called Doctor Who?" he asked. His Katrina's favorite show was Doctor Who, not Vampire Diaries. Katrina shook her head.

"I've heard of it, and one of my friends keeps telling me to watch it, but I'm fine just watching my vampire shows thanks," she said awkwardly and the Doctor frowned.

"Well, you should watch it someday," he said and the two persons on the bench fell silent for a moment.

"You know," mused Katrina suddenly, "all my life I've been told to avoid talking to strangers, yet, since I'm from the south, I've always done it anyway. I never thought I'd end up talking to some British man on a park bench in New York."

"It's funny how things work out, eh?" the Doctor said with another smile and Katrina gave a small smirk, one that the Doctor was very familiar with, in return.

"It is," she said with a small laugh. Without warning, the Doctor stood up.

"I'm bored," he announced and Katrina raised an eyebrow.

"Are you?" she asked calmly.

"Yup! And my companions aren't going to be back for quite some time and I broke my iPod, so do you want to go exploring?" The Doctor paused and Katrina blinked, making the Doctor see that her dark eye shadow was actually three different dark eye shadows-black right above the eye, forest green directly above that, and a color that resembled the color of the Tardis directly under her eyebrows. Katrina had been sticking to her fandom even though she didn't know it yet. That made the Doctor smile again.

"I've only just met you though… you could be some kind of serial killer," she said calmly before standing up, "thankfully, however, for you, I am rather fond of serial killers. I'll go adventure with you if you promise not to murder me."

"I can guarantee that I am not a serial killer," the Doctor said and winked at Katrina, who gave a small snort of laughter. The laughter sounded much, much less evil then that of her future self.

~XD~

About an hour later, the Doctor and the writer, though she didn't quite know it yet, were skipping through the Central Park Zoo, both laughing, Katrina's bags of stuff swinging from their hands, when the Doctor stopped, pointing at a polar bear that was doing something interesting. Katrina smiled.

"You know," she said, watching the polar bear, "I never thought running off with some stranger could be this much fun!"

"Doctor," called Amy Pond, who had just rounded a corner with Rory in tow. The Doctor and Katrina turned and the Doctor grinned.

"Amy! Rory!" he called back. "Come meet Katrina Lycanthrope! She and I are adventuring."

"Hi there," Katrina said on cue and the ginger and her husband looked at her.

"Doctor, how many times have we told you not to kidnap random children?" Rory asked, more calmly then his wife ever could. The Doctor pouted.

"I didn't kidnap her…"

"I went willingly," Katrina said, "since he promised not to murder me."

"Doctor!" Amy shrieked.

"What?" he asked exasperatedly. Amy gave him a look. "What?"

"You did kidnap her, didn't you?" she asked and both Katrina and the Doctor shook their heads.

"Of course he didn't. He was bored, and I was bored, and we're both tourists, so we decided to go do what tourists do and look at stuff," the past version of Katrina explained and Amy scowled.

"Fine, but I think Katrina's family may be looking for her?" the ginger offered, trying to make the writer leave. Katrina shrugged.

"You're right, I suppose. I had a fun time hanging out, Doctor," she said, holding her hand out for her bags, which the Doctor handed to her reluctantly. "I hope to see you again. Next time you're in Mt. Pleasant, look me up." With that, Katrina turned and walked away, swinging her shopping bags as she went. The Doctor grinned at the Ponds, who looked slightly confused.

"Was that..?" Rory asked and the Doctor nodded. It was then that he realized that he had been the inevitable cause of Katrina Lycanthrope's obsession with him, but it had been worth it. He was no longer bored.


	34. The Doctor and The Master Bond

**Hi there!  
><strong>

**So, I don't know why I even bother with the author's notes anymore. It's not like anyone reads them...  
><strong>

**Anywho, I dedicate this chapter to my friend Kate Frain, who suggested the idea when we were talking to our friend Clay about finding a boring activity to deter this kid from liking him anymore. I suggested having the kid watch Clay play video games, but Kate said the kid would probably like that. This lead to the idea of the Doctor playing video games to try to get rid of the Master, and the Master absolutely loving it.  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor and The Master Bond_

The Doctor sat in the game room of the Tardis, playing Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword, when the Master suddenly flopped onto the couch next to him.

"Doctor, I'm bored," he said, looking over at the Doctor with a scowl. It had been two months since the Doctor had taken the Master aboard the Tardis, and he regretted it daily. The Doctor ignored him. "What are you doing?"

"Go away, Master. I'm busy," the Doctor murmured, trying not to let that interesting Ghiraham character kill him. The Master furrowed his eyebrows, turning his eyes to the screen of the television. This looked pretty cool.

The Doctor continued playing for eight more hours, waiting for the Master to leave him alone. However, it was all for naught. The Master seemed to be enjoying himself almost as much, if not more, then the Doctor was.

After he finished the battle at the end of the game, the Doctor turned to the Master and scowled.

"Will you not leave me alone?"

"No," the Master said calmly.

"Why not?"

"Because we're brothers now!" The Master looked at the Doctor like he was missing something very important. The Doctor just shrugged, chocking this up to the Master's insanity.


	35. The Master Goes on a Field Trip

**Hey there, anyone who still reads this!  
><strong>

**So, first off, I'm excited for the return of Doctor Who! I hear there shall be stetsons! XD  
><strong>

**Please don't ask the inspiration behind this chapter... I suppose I only wrote it because I was at a crappy water park today. Also, there's a shout-out to the Avengers movie, which I loved. If you can spot it, good on you! XD  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Master Goes on a Field Trip_

"But, Lucy! I'm bored!" whined Harold Saxon to his wife one morning as they sat in a room on the _Valiant._ It wasn't even a room that was used for anything. It was just a room. Lucy sighed, by now, used to her husband's irritatingly childish attitude when it came to actually accomplishing all the thinks a Prime Minister was supposed to accomplish.

"Okay, Harry… If you finish all your work, I'll take you out for ice cream," Lucy offered, trying to get Harold Saxon to do something besides complain.

"I don't want ice cream, I want to go to a water park," he pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. Lucy sighed again.

"Fine, we'll go to a water park after you finish your work."

"Yay!"

~XD~

Harold and Lucy Saxon arrived at Splash Island several hours later and the one who was also known as 'the Master' immediately ran over to the giant water slide. Lucy sat down on a pool chair to watch her husband, just barely resisting the urge to roll her eyes at his childishness. It was lovable most of the time, but it also got on her nerves.

"Was that your husband?" asked someone from Lucy's right and Lucy nodded, looking over at the stranger who had spoken. She had short hair and pale skin, her eyes covered by a pair of dark sunglasses, and she was dressed in a black string bikini. "I know someone who acts like that. The trick is to not give into their every whim… it spoils them."

"I've tried that," Lucy said, "it didn't work."

"It never does at first. Be patient," the girl said, standing up and pulling off her sunglasses. Lucy blinked, recognizing this to be the girl who'd showed up and had ruined the drama of one of her husband's and the Doctor's arguments.

"Wait, aren't you that girl who teleported in one day?" Lucy asked and the girl nodded.

"Yeah, but I'm not supposed to be here. I really must be going. I have to go pick up some shwarma for my picnic."

~XD~

Five minutes later, Lucy, who had been just beginning to doze off in her pool chair, felt a tap on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and looked up.

"Ma'am, is this your husband?" asked the uniformed officer. Harold Saxon stood a few feet behind him, his hands in handcuffs, and a slightly scolded look on his face.

"Yes, he is. What did he do this time?" she asked, sighing.

"He tried to crash one of the children's parties and ended up causing an uprising," the officer explained and Lucy blinked, not really surprised.

"I really must speak to him about doing that," she said, giving Harold Saxon a look.

"Well, since he's in your hands now, I'll just take the cuffs off of him. But, ma'am, I would not suggest that you bring him back here again."

"Right," Lucy said, watching the policeman take the handcuffs off her irritatingly childish husband. Harold Saxon walked over and stood next to Lucy, rubbing his wrists. Once the officer was out of earshot, she turned to her husband and gave him a small frown.

"And, here's why I don't take you places."


	36. The Doctor and The Master Discover Slash

**Hey there, guys!  
><strong>

**So, first off, I'd like to say that this chapter took a little longer for me to type then usual. Why? Well, because I dislocated the first two knuckles on my right hand. Don't worry, I'm perfectly fine! I dislocate them trying to punch through an irritatingly hard piece of wood at a karate board breaking competition, and they turned a lovely shade of purple! It's quite pretty. XD  
><strong>

**Even when I'm in unimaginable pain, I won't abandon you! ;D  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

**P.S. I dedicate this chapter to Tokyo Oranges! Thanks for the brilliant idea! XD  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor and The Master Discover Slash_

The Doctor sat at his computer, looking over the profile page of someone named OnyxvanGem on a website called fanfiction. net. He didn't quite know why he was on that website, but he'd seen Martha on it while she was still around. Martha had left when the Doctor had offered to take the Master with them on their adventures, leaving the Doctor alone with his 'former' arch nemesis.

As the Doctor scrolled down a little, he began to realize there was a theme here. This author was interested in something called 'slash', whatever that was. However, as he continued scrolling, he began to get a rough idea.

"Wocha doing, Doctor?" the Master asked from behind, making the Doctor jump a little. He'd been so absorbed in reading OnyxvanGem's page that he hadn't heard the other Time Lord enter the room. The Doctor looked away for a moment before his eyes snapped back to the page.

"Reading," he said calmly, only a hint of irritation in his voice.

"Reading what?"

"A website," the Doctor explained, furrowing his eyebrows at this writer's favorite pairings section. Then he looked up. "Do you know what 'slash' is?"

The Master shrugged, shaking his head.

"No, why?" he asked and the Doctor returned his gaze to the page, scrolling to the very bottom and clicking on the author's favorite stories section. Then, he eventually clicked on a story around the middle of the list.

"Here's one… it says 'warning! Slash, don't like don't read'," mumbled the Doctor and he and the Master proceeded to read the story.

"Rassilon!" the Master exclaimed, and the Doctor fell out of his chair.

"Is-is that meant to be…us?" he gaped indignantly.

"I think so…"

"What?" The Doctor pulled himself off the floor. "Who would write such a thing!"

"Apparently, this human."

"Brilliant. That's just brilliant," the Doctor sighed. "Whoever wrote this, you have a sick mind! And so do you, OnyxvanGem! Why do you like this?"

"Humans…" the Master said, shaking his head. "I'm going to go have some ice cream and then maybe bleach my brain. You want in?"

"Yes… yes, I think I do."


	37. Silence Falls When the Question is Asked

**Hey there!  
><strong>

**So, quick author's note so I can actually get this posted on time...  
><strong>

**I'm sitting in my bedroom listening to Ac/Dc, minding my own business, when this little gem pops into my brain. Think about it... Silence Falls when the question is asked. They fall when the question is asked.  
><strong>

**Do you have a nice image in your head now? Yes? Good.  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Silence Falls When the Question is Asked_

Katrina Lycanthrope was back. She had finally given in to the urge to write a chapter from her own perspective, and, dear sweet Loki, it was good.

However, she was beginning to get a little irritate at her lack of inspiration. Working with the Silence had practically drained her of all energy she had, and her ganger was still working. So, using her usual methods, Katrina began to speak to herself aloud, working through her predicament.

"Silence will fall when the question is asked," she subconsciously whispered before pausing, cocking her head to the side slightly, her eyebrows furrowing. "What if I ask the question?" Katrina shook her head. No, that was a terrible idea. Nobody would find that funny. But, as she was both too tired to come up with a fallback idea and too lazy, Katrina decided it was a wonderful idea after all.

~XD~

Katrina flew her space ship, which she'd named 'Jim', to the headquarters of the Silence. She parked in her usual spot and got out, clocking herself in, and walked up to her office in the Recreation section. When it was time for lunch, she would execute her plan. And what a brilliant…sort of…plan it was. Knowing that nobody was paying attention to her, she laughed loudly, falling off her chair backwards, having been leaning back in it. Katrina blinked, scrambling to right herself, hoping that none of the Silence had seen her.

~XD~

At lunch, Katrina accepted her tray with the usual grilled cheese sandwich on it and moved to sit at her usual table. Then, once she was seated, she asked _the question_. To her surprise, the Silence fell. Literally.

~XD~

The Doctor blinked, watching the Silence fall over. This was more then a little odd. This had never happened before. However, he had a feeling it would happen eventually. After all, the question had to be asked at least once. He even knew, probably, who had asked it. The Doctor shook his head, walking back to the Tardis and getting inside, abandoning the Silence. He figured that he should take advantage of this opportunity to escape them. He doubted it would present itself again. He was wrong.

Katrina asked _the question_ several more times over the next couple of months, resulting in several skinned knees and bruises for the Silence. However, they didn't fire her. The appreciated macaroni art class too much.


	38. The Doctor Visits Tumblr

**Hey guys!  
><strong>

**Here's me with my weekly chapter!  
><strong>

**I'd like to take a moment to say three things...  
><strong>

**1) Tomorrow is my little sister's birthday! Happy Birthday, Face! XD  
><strong>

**2) Tumblr has ruined my life... I started it a few days ago and have yet to fully recover.  
><strong>

**3) Sorry this chapter is four minutes late! I didn't mean to... I forgot what day it was because school is out here in America and I've basically been on tumblr and omegle for the past week. I did, however, participate in several Doctor Who role plays, which were all quite fantastic, but that's a story for another time!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

**This chapter is dedicated to my little sister as her birthday present and to everyone who has a tumblr, as I'm sure you'll appreciate it more then those who don't.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor Visits Tumblr_

The Doctor walked into the office portion of the Tardis and sat down at the computer. He'd decided that, since the Ponds were off doing things elsewhere in the Tardis, he'd go on Amy's computer and snoop around for stuff and things. And, since Ten point five was elsewhere also, there was nobody there to stop him.

As soon as he opened up Internet Explorer, he paused for a moment. The screen that had loaded was a website called tumblr. Instead of using his better judgment and going to look at the search history, the Doctor decided to stay on that site. Why not, he thought to himself. If Pond liked it, why wouldn't he?

This turned out to be a huge mistake.

~XD~

About two hours later, 10.5 wandered into the room to find his future self staring at the computer monitor, his eyes glassy, his index finger twitching against the mouse.

"Hey, what are you doing at Amy's computer?" he inquired but the other Doctor didn't answer, continuing to stare and twitch. "Doctor?" No response. "Doctor?" Still no response. This worried him. He continued to try to get his future self's attention for a few more minutes before deciding to get help. He ran off into the Tardis to retrieve Amy Pond.

~XD~

"…Do you see what I mean?" 10.5 finished, re-entering the room with Amy Pond and Rory Williams in tow. Rory stared at the eleventh Doctor for a moment.

"Amy, darling, he looks like you did when you first started that site…" he said and Amy nodded.

"I know. I know," Amy murmured, having a flashback to the days directly after the start of her incredible addiction to tumblr. She was still addicted, but it was less terrifyingly so. And less noticeable. She turned back to the younger Doctor. "I can snap him out of this, but I don't think you'll like the result."

"What's the result?" 10.5 inquired cautiously.

"You'll see…" With that, Amy turned again and said two words. "Tom Hiddleston."

The reaction was instantaneous. The Doctor's head shot up and he looked around frantically, eyes still glazed over.

"Where? Oh my god, tell me! He's the most perfect being on the history of the universe! He's gorgeous…my baby! Loki'd!" he babbled before laughing a laugh that sounded like 'ehehe'. He got up and started flitting around the room, apparently searching for Tom Hiddleston.

"Oh dear Rassilon…what have you done?" 10.5 asked breathlessly, his chocolate eyes widening to impossible sizes. Amy smiled at him.

"I told you that you wouldn't like it."

"Amy, sweetheart, this was worse then you were…a lot worse… do you think we should..?" Rory trailed off, also watching the Doctor as he began to murmur something about Robert Downey Jr. Amy nodded, leaving the room with quite a large amount of self control and calling the one person she thought would be able to fix this.

~XD~

Katrina Lycanthrope used her vortex manipulator to appear inside the Tardis and cracked her spine once more. This was the first she'd used it in quite a while, and she'd forgotten how much it hurt.

"Thank goodness," Amy said, grabbing Katrina's arm before she could say anything and dragging her into the room where the Doctor was 'fan-girling'. "He discovered tumblr."

"Oh dear sweet Loki…" Katrina trailed off, a weird smile stretching across her face. The eleventh Doctor's head shot up and he stared at her. 10.5 groaned, banging his head against the wall.

"Loki'd?" the Doctor inquired, his mouth stretched into a childish grin. Katrina nodded, obviously understanding the reference. She proceeded to talk back to the Doctor in the same babble he'd been speaking in before until he seemed to calm down. Once calm, much to the rest of the room's relief, he cleared his throat, cheeks a bit pink. "Right…um, hi there," he said, "sorry about that."

"You are never to use my computer again."

~XD~

Several days later, Katrina had to return to the Tardis, as 10.5 had decided to see what was so cool about tumblr as well.


	39. The Master is Bored

**Hello there!  
><strong>

**So, this is this week's chapter all about the Master's boredom. I don't quite know what I did with this, as I was finding it a bit difficult to concentrate, most likely because my dad was watching Inception in the background, and I rather do enjoy Inception...  
><strong>

**Also! I've been involved in my first real role play as the Master, and so I couldn't resist trying to write from his point of view once more. This may be why I don't find this as funny as I usually do-the stuff I've been playing as the Master has been kinda angsty. So, sorry if you don't find this as amusing as you usually do, if you're reading for the humor and not just out of sympathy for me. :)  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Master is Bored_

The Master paced back and forth through the conference room of the _Valiant_, his fingers drumming the one-two-three-four beat of the drums on his thigh as he walked. He made sure that all his turns were dramatic, and that he flailed his arms a bit for effect. He was so bored, and the Doctor had stopped being a source of amusement ages ago. The Master halted his pacing and groaned loudly.

"There is nothing to do on this bloody ship!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air in irritation and annoyance before allowing them to drop with an overly exasperated frown. He sat down in his favorite swivel chair and spun for a moment before leaning forward and tapping against the table.

"Stop it," came the voice of the Doctor from somewhere behind him and the Master made sure to tap even louder, just to make the Doctor as irritated as he was, his frown replaced by a toothy grin. He heard the Doctor sigh and sit back down, taking away the fun of tapping loudly.

"There is _nothing_ to do!" he groaned again, leaning back and putting a hand to his head. The Drums were always louder when he was bored…that, and he had that 'Call Me Maybe' song in his head and it was making it very hard to concentrate on anything. He hated whoever'd put it on his playlist with an unbridled hatred. And, to make matters worse, the unknown person had deleted all of his Scissor Sisters songs as well.

"Harry, darling," came the voice of Lucy Saxon and the Master looked up. Maybe Lucy had something that would amuse him..?

"Yes, Lucy?"

"Don't you have work to be doing? You are, after all, prime minister," she suggested and the Master groaned at the thought before replying with a short 'no'.

"I have better things to be doing then work. Take me to the zoo?"

"Remember what I told you after the water park excursion?" The Master pouted. Lucy had sworn never to go anywhere with him again after that… pity. He could have enslaved the animals.

"Fine…but I'm not working. Work is boring," he said irritably and Lucy left the room. Now he was back to being bored, not being entertained by the Doctor, and being irritated by that blasted song. "Why is there nothing to do on this bloody ship?"

"There are things to do, Master," the Doctor pointed out, but the Master ignored him, choosing to go to a different room instead. The Doctor bored him also.

~XD~

The Master wandered through the halls of the _Valiant_, having just bothered Lucy again about taking him to the zoo, tormented several of the U.N.I.T. assigned soldiers, and baked a rather fantastic plate of cupcakes, still bored.

"I am…so bored!" he exclaimed for the seven thousand and second time that day. "Agh, why am I so bored?"

"Because Gallifrey rises!" shouted someone and the Master whirled around just in time to see that whomever it was had gone again in a flash of light, the signal that a vortex manipulator had been used. It had been the same girl from before, he assumed. And, oddly enough, it had cured his boredom.


	40. Control of the Universe is Assumed

**Hi there everyone!  
><strong>

**So, it's that day of the week once more! XD Saturday! Saturday, Saturday, Saturday! Ehehe  
><strong>

**Sorry, I'm a little hyper, or acting like it because I'm sick again and have literally been cooped up in my house all week because I physically couldn't go anywhere. XD  
><strong>

**Anywho, while I was confined to my bed, I read over my old chapters and found a slightly irritating plot hole... remember when I, I mean, Katrina won the universe? Well, I later have everyone she meets thinking she's important whenever she speaks because she has control of the universe. But, here's the plot hole... how did they find out?  
><strong>

**The plot is mine, and so are the Rastopholipolionoids and the planet Rastopholiosis, and Katrina, she's mine too, but the Judoon, the Vashta Nerada, the Daleks, and the Cybermen are not! XD  
><strong>

**I don't know why I just gave a disclaimer, as I stated at the beginning of the fic that I own nothing...well, I guess it's because I actually do this time! Own things, I mean XD  
><strong>

**Anyway, cheers! Hope this is a little better then last week's! I'm still in the same role play, but I hope it doesn't show...  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Control of the Universe is Assumed_

Thousands and millions of different species of aliens sat piled into one gigantic conference room, chatting amongst themselves. They didn't know at all why they were there, but they figured out one thing quickly…they were all the leaders of their own race. Why were they there? Nobody even tried to figure it out…which was pretty lame of them… they all just sat there, figuring that something would happen eventually to tell them what was going on.

Then, such a thing happened.

"Uh, hello?" called a voice from the stage in the very front of the room. Everyone looked up and saw a teenage human with short, slightly messy hair, a purple long-sleeved shirt, gray pants, and black glasses. She gave a short wave. "Hi… I'm Katrina Lycanthrope and I'm here because I now own the universe…yeah… any questions?"

The room was soon in uproar. A human girl own the universe? How? Why? How did she earn that rite? Will she serve snacks?-that last thought was from the swarm of Vashta Nerada that resided in the far back corner of the conference room.

"How did you come to believe that the universe is yours?" called out the leader of the Judoon. The Katrina Lycanthrope girl looked up.

"Excellent question…" she said, pointing to the rhino-man. "I beat the Doctor, of course."

This started another wave of conversation and exclamations.

"YOU-HAVE-EXTERMINATED-THE-DOCTOR?" inquired the Dalek leader and Katrina shrugged.

"Yeah, in a way…" she said into the microphone. "It was more a matter of beating him then exterminating."

"YOU, A PRIMITIVE VERSION OF THE HUMAN RACE, HAVE DEFEATED THE DOCTOR? BUT YOU HAVE NOT BEEN UPGRADED. YOU ARE NOT HUMAN 2.0," protested the head Cyberman. Katrina laughed.

"No, no I'm not… but I am the writer. I do what I want," she said calmly. "Anyone wanna try to change my mind?"

"You are a useless human! I will not bow down to you!" This came from the leader of the Rastopholipolionoids, a race of zombie-penguins from the planet Rastopholiosis.

"Okay, sure… then the Rastopholipolioniods don't exist anymore." Katrina calmly snapped her fingers.

There was a sudden tearing noise and the Rastopholipolioniod leader disappeared. Katrina looked around the room.

"Any other takers?" There was silence. "No? Good. Cheers then!"

From that day onward, every creature in the universe knew that they belonged to Katrina Lycanthrope, the human known as the Writer, and they celebrated bi-monthly their new ruler by holding a grits fest in Budapest, where there were songs, dancing, and cheese-puffs. Oh, and also jump-castles, as Katrina Lycanthrope liked jump-castles and nobody would dare to go against the wishes of Katrina Lycanthrope.


	41. Amy Pond Dreams

**Hello everyone! XD  
><strong>

**So, here's my chapter!  
><strong>

**The plot isn't mine, and I don't know if it's been done before, but this is my take on it. You'll see in a moment what I'm talking about. I'm not going to give away any spoilers.  
><strong>

**So, enjoy! XD  
><strong>

**Cheers!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Amy Pond Dreams_

Amy Pond crawled into her bed after another adventure with the Doctor, exhausted. They'd fought some monster that she didn't even remember the name of, and she was completely wiped. And, on top of that, she was made to watch Wizard of Oz with her boys before she went to sleep…and she was down before she hit the pillow.

~XD~

However, her bed was not where she woke up. Amy Pond woke up on the ground near a house in a land full of bright colors and large flowers. She slowly stood, her face scrunched up in confusion, before she realized where she was.

"I'm in Munchkin Land," she said, looking around. There was quite a bit of evidence suggesting where she was was, in fact, Munchkin Land from Wizard of Oz. The evidence being the large amount of people who were walking toward her. They were all wearing gas masks, for some reason, and chanting 'Mummy…are you my mummy'. "No I'm not your mummy," Amy said, a large frown on her face. She backed up until she was standing inside a gazebo. Then, there was a flash of light, accompanied by the sound of bones breaking. The sound Katrina Lycanthrope's vortex manipulator made.

Sure enough, there she was. Katrina Lycanthrope. Only…she was dressed in a pink chiffon dress, her short hair full of sparkly hair clips, and a sparkly staff in her hand with a silver glitter star on top. She looked extremely out of character.

"Oh, hello there," Katrina said, a smirk on her lips. "No idea why you're dreaming about them…you don't even get the reference. I'll get rid of them for you." Amy watched as Katrina waved her staff and said 'zap!'. Then, the gas-mask wearers were gone. Katrina turned her focus back to Amy. "So, what are you doing here?"

"I don't know…" Amy replied, looking around. Then, she spotted a house with two legs sticking out of it. "What happened with the house? Are they dead?" she inquired. Katrina shrugged nonchalantly.

"Meh, that's just Jack. He'll be fine. He's had a lot worse then having a house dropped on him. I don't know why you're dreaming about him either…" Katrina explained, "as you most certainly haven't met him…that I know of, at least. So, what do you want? I'm on a tight schedule and I don't have all day for this."

"Oh," said Amy, "like what kind of things could you be doing? This is my dream!"

"You wouldn't understand," Katrina said, narrowing her eyes slightly before shaking her head, her hair clips jingling wildly. "I'm assuming that you're going to want to get out of here eventually, so I would advise following that road that we've conveniently painted yellow so you don't get it mixed up with the red one. The red one leads you directly into the fountain in the center of the city and, while that is a lovely place to cool of during a particularly hot day, it is anti-productive, capito?"

Amy was only a little confused, seeing as though she'd seen the Wizard of Oz right before she went to sleep, but what she didn't know was why Katrina was the good witch of the north…she would have thought it would be River or someone.

"Good. So!" Katrina clapped her hands together. "To get out of here, you need to travel to the royal blue city of Tardis. You'll find someone named 'the Doctor' there and he can get you out of here. Oh, and while you're walking down this road, a tremendously long road, watch out for another guy called 'the Master' and his army of floaty sphere thingies. He'll kill you. Get it? Got it? Good. I have a Jurassic Park marathon to continue." Then she was gone.

~XD~

Amy wandered down the yellow brick road until she was at an intersection. On the sides of every stretch of road was a field of corn. It seemed that Katrina had painted _all_ of the roads here yellow, just to confuse her. Great. And there was nobody to ask for directions.

"Now what do I do?" she asked aloud, not knowing if anybody would actually answer her.

"Oh, hello!" cried a voice from one of the cornfields. Amy turned, a little alarmed, and saw a man with spiky hair, large beautiful brown eyes, and a gray pinstriped suit. He was tied to a post right near the fence of the nearest field. "I'd suggest going to the one on the right. It's rather pleasant and the others both lead you to Raxacoracofalapatorious. That's where the Slitheen live…not at all pleasant," he continued, struggling a little against the post. It appeared his arms had been tied to it.

"Thank you," Amy said, smiling. "I'm Amy."

"I'm the Doctor," he replied with a large smile. "Well…kind of. I'm not really him any more, but I was him at one point. Would you mind untying my arms? I have to get to Tardis."

"Sure, why not?"

Amy untied the not-Doctor's arms and they continued on their quest.

~XD~

Eventually, the reached a forest where a man dressed in roman armor stood. He had a long nose and a slightly unmoved expression. Amy thought he looked a bit like Rory.

"Hey there," she said, wandering off the still yellow road and prodding him in his armor covered chest. He looked down at her finger and then up at her.

"Amy, I've waited for you for so long," he said, lifting up his arms and wrapping them around her, hugging her tightly.

"O…kay, I've missed you too. Sure…hey, we're going to the Tardis. I don't suppose you're also wanting to go there?" she asked, not as confused by his behavior as she should have been. The roman nodded and they continued onward.

~XD~

Amy wasn't surprised when they met a woman in the forest who looked surprisingly like River who also wanted to go with them to the Tardis. However, she was surprised when a man jumped out at her and proceeded to scream 'boo!'.

"Aaah!" she screamed, latching onto the roman, who she learned was also called Rory, who grabbed his sword and held it out.

"Oh no…" said the not-Doctor.

"Hello…Doctor," the man said, grinning sinisterly.

"Master," he replied. "Let me guess…you're also looking to join Amy Pond on her quest to the Tardis?"

"No. I'm here to kill you all. Ahahaha," he said unconvincingly.

"You are here to join us…"

"Yeah…" the Master said, a sheepish look on his face. "I don't really want to kill anybody today. I just heard they have ice cream in the Tardis."

~XD~

When they reached the Tardis, everyone piled inside and they found the Doctor waiting for them. He proceeded to give them all what they had come for and was about to give Amy her very own sonic screwdriver when she woke up.


	42. The Doctor Has Laryngitis

**Hi there, everyone!  
><strong>

**So, my little sister came back from a church campy thing today. However there was one thing she left at camp, one very important thing... her voice. She came home with a painful sounding case of laryngitis, so I thought...why not use her pain for everyone else's pleasure? No, that's mean...sorry, face. I didn't mean it...  
><strong>

**Anyway, this chapter contains Doctor!Whump. If you don't like whump (who wouldn't?) then don't read this one past the first two 'paragraphs'. But, if you didn't, this chapter would be pretty boring... so just suck it up and read the whole thing. XD  
><strong>

**I love you guys, so much! Thanks for staying with me this far! I'm still planning to continue for as long as I can, so I don't know why I'm making it sound like I'm quitting, because I'm not. XD  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor Has Laryngitis_

The Doctor woke up in his bed in his room in his Tardis and stretched out his long limbs, touching both ends of the bed with a yawn. Today was going to be a wonderful day. He could tell…absolutely a fantastic day. Nothing, today, could go wrong. Nothing at all.

He got out of bed and got dressed, picking out the blue bowtie to wear today. He'd take the Ponds somewhere fun, definitely. Today called for fun.

However, as he was tying the bowtie around his neck, he felt a weird tickling sensation in his throat. The Doctor paused, a little confused…this sensation had never happened to him before. He swallowed, which was oddly difficult, the motion only making the sensation even worse…a little painful too. So, the Doctor did the proper thing and ignored it, continuing to tie the bowtie. Then, the unthinkable happened…

He let out a hoarse, dry cough.

The Doctor coughed until he was out of breath, falling to his knees and attempting to inhale in a way that wasn't weirdly painful. He panicked just a little…he had never coughed before. This was a very weird experience for him, coughing. Why? Because he was a Time Lord and Time Lords never ever, ever, ever ever ever, EVER, got sick. Ever.

"Well, that's strange," he mused aloud…or, tried, to muse aloud. He reached up and grabbed his throat. "No," he said silently but painfully. "Oh, no you don't. Stop it." The Doctor stood up and ran from the room, his arms flailing above his head, the bowtie falling to the ground, forgotten, in the Doctor's manic frenzy to figure out what was happening to him.

~XD~

Amy and Rory were sitting at the kitchen table, calmly eating eggs and toast, when, suddenly, the door burst open. They looked up in alarm to see the Doctor stumbling about, shouting noiselessly, his arms moving very fast and very uncontrollably above his head as he 'shouted'. Beginning to get a little annoyed, Amy stood up and walked briskly over to the Doctor, grabbing his shoulders to snap him out of it. The alien jumped a little, stiffening, and looked at her with a slightly lost expression on his face when she did, but Amy didn't have time to feel bad. She wanted to know what the hell the Doctor was doing.

"Doctor," said Amy calmly, "why are you running about the kitchen so early in the morning?"

The Doctor mouthed something in reply, something that looked a little bit like 'Dumbledore', but Amy took it to mean 'I can't talk'. Which was probably what the Doctor was trying to tell her anyway, because why would the Doctor be trying to tell her 'Dumbledore'?

"You can't talk?" she asked and the Doctor nodded a little the lost expression not leaving his face. "Why can't you talk?" He shrugged, letting out a small series of painful sounding coughs. "Are you sick?" To that, the Doctor shook his head. "Rory, don't just sit there, help me."

"Uh," Rory said, standing up immediately and walking over to Amy and the Doctor. "Open your mouth." The Doctor gave him an odd look but did as he was told. Rory got out his nifty pen flashlight and shined it into the alien's mouth, making a small 'hmm' noise. "Laryngitis," the long nosed human deduced. The Doctor looked affronted, mouthing something and flailing his arms a little.

"I can't understand a word he's saying," Amy said quietly, leaning a little closer to Rory. "Well, I can't understand what he's doing… he's not really saying anything, is he?"

"We should get help… an interpreter or someone. But who is there who knows the Doctor well enough to be of any help?"

~XD~

"Why did you call me? I was LARPing…" Katrina Lycanthrope whined, pouting a little bit, crossing her arms over her chest and cocking her head to the side. For some reason, she was wearing a red leather dog collar along with her black hoodie, red shirt, and black jeans, clothes that would have otherwise seemed perfectly normal on the teenager, but nobody wanted to ask.

"Can you tell us what he's saying?" Rory asked, motioning to the Doctor, who was sitting at the breakfast table, prodding his own plate of scrambled eggs with his fork, a slightly put out expression on his face.

"He's not talking. He's poking his breakfast…" the writer pointed out.

"Doctor," Amy said and the man looked up, standing up once he realized who was there now who wasn't before.

'You! You did this to me!' he…shouted. Katrina looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, so this is my fault?"

'Yes,' he mouthed, nodding. 'You wrote this to happen…'

"I did. And I don't plan to put it right, so just let it pass, Doctor," she said calmly, walking over and poking the Doctor in the stomach. He scowled at her. "Besides, not talking can be fun."

~XD~

The next two weeks of not speaking were not as fun as the Doctor would have hoped. In fact, they were not fun at all. And he found one more reason to dislike the writer…and one more reason to talk at every opportunity he got once his voice was back. He had to make up for lost time.


	43. The Daleks and Cybermen Argue

**Hello my lovelies!  
><strong>

**So, this chapter isn't as fantastic as the others...well, I don't think so anyway...because I'd spent the entire time I usually used to work on this working on a new fic I have up called 'Geronimo'. It's a Doctor/Amy fic requested by one of you lovely readers, musicluvr157. And, get this, it's not funny. Like, not funny...intentionally. I've been told that someone was amused by it, but it's not meant to be funny, so yeah...  
><strong>

**So, I've just finished season 2 in my marathon, and I thought I'd do something with the argument between the Dalek and the Cyberman in 'Doomsday'. And, here it is. Sorry it's short.  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Daleks and Cybermen Argue_

Two Cybermen and a Dalek stood in the center of the hallway at Torchwood, not moving, neither stepping forward to poke the other with his…her…its arm and or eyestalk. Which would have been amusing if Russell T. Davies had written it into the script of the actual episode…but, alas, he didn't.

"IDENTIFY-YOURSELVES," the Dalek commanded, his…her…its eyestalk moving up and down to survey the large metallic semi-humanoid thing in front of…it. It was a possible threat to the Daleks and, therefore, must be identified.

"YOU WILL IDENTIFY FIRST," protested…well, not 'protested', merely 'stated', the Cyberman on the left. What was this strange thing. It was not human, nor was it Cyberman. It was an unknown entity and must be cataloged for later upgrades.

"IDENTIFY!" repeated the Dalek, still not moving closer.

"…ILLOGICAL, YOU WILL MODIFY."

"DALEKS-DO-NOT-TAKE-ORDERS!"

"YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED AS DALEKS."

"OUTLINE-RESEMBLES-THE-_INFERIOR_-SPECIES-KNOWN-AS-'CYBERMEN'," the Dalek responded, his tone a tinge sardonic, probably miffed that the Cybermen had identified them first.

"OUR SPECIES ARE SIMILAR, THOUGH YOUR DESIGN LACKS ELEGANCE."

"DALEKS-HAVE-NO-CONCEPT-OF-ELEGaNCE." The Dalek was beginning to get irritated. So what if his design wasn't as… 'elegant'? It was durable and had several bombs built into it…

"THAT IS OBVIOUS. BUT CONSIDER…OUR TECHNOLOGIES ARE COMPATIBLE. CYBERMEN PLUS DALEKS. TOGETHER WE COULD UPGRADE THE UNIVERSE."

"YOU-PROPOSE-AN-ALLIANCE?" Now the Dalek was curious. Why in the name of the emperor would he want to team up with them? It did not…compute…to use their slang.

"THAT IS CORRECT."

"REQUEST-DENIED." After those two simple words, the Cybermen moved into attack position, their fists raised as if they really wanted to fist-bump the Dalek, but probably realized that it was impossible due to the fact that the Dalek didn't have hands.

"HOSTILE ENEMIES WILL BE DELETED," said the leader Cyberman. Fine, they all thought. If the Daleks didn't want to join their club, they'd be deleted just like the humans would…the ones that were not upgraded. They shot and the rays bounced off of the Dalek's armor, flying back and nearly hitting them, but hitting a wall instead. That was irritating.

"EXTERMINATE!" the Dalek yelled, shooting at the Cybermen and killing them.

Which pissed off all the other Cybermen. Couldn't they have just played nicely with each other, maybe actually accomplished taking over the world for once? No, of course not.

"DALEKS BE WARNED. YOU HAVE JUST DECLARED WAR UPON THE CYBERMEN," announced the actual lead Cyberman over the com system.

"THIS-IS-NOT-WAR. THIS-IS-PEST-CONTROL," the Dalek snarked in return, resisting the urge to shoot the communication system.

"YOU WOULD DESTROY THE CYBERMEN WITH _FOUR_ DALEKS?" That intrigued the Cyber-leader. And they all knew it was impossible…after all, Cybermen were superior. They could upgrade.

"WE-WOULD-DESTROY-THE-CYBERMEN-WITH-_ONE_-DALEK." The Dalek taunted, "YOU-ARE-SUPERIOR-IN-ONLY-TWO-RESPECTS."

"WHICH ARE THOSE?"

"YOU-ARE-UNDENIABLY-ADDEPT-AT-PREPARING-PANCAKES-AND-YOU-ARE-BETTER-AT-DYING! RAISE-COMMUNICATION-BARRIER!"

And nobody could argue… the Cybermen were ten times better at pancake preparation then the Daleks ever would be. Not even the Daleks could argue with it.


	44. The MasterKitten is in the Pandorica

**Hi there everyone!  
><strong>

**So this chapter is actually on time! Yay for lack of procrastination! Haha  
><strong>

**Anywho, this is another chapter explaining one of my major plot-holes that I found when I was re-reading this beautiful story. You know how the white kitten...the Master is in the Pandorica after being chucked out of the Tardis? Well, here's how he got there. XD Yeah XD  
><strong>

**If this chapter seems a bit rushed, it's because it was. I like to wait until the last moment, and sometimes I wait until the _very_ _last_ moment to write these. This time, I didn't wait until the _very last_ moment, I just waited a long time... I wrote it...about...three minutes ago? XD  
><strong>

**So review and tell me what y'all think! I always love hearing your input!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**I love you all!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Master-Kitten is in the Pandorica_

Katrina Lycanthrope flew through space in her new ship, jamming out to 'Call Me Maybe' as it blasted through the speakers that would usually be used as communication receivers. She didn't want to talk to anybody in her spaceship, which she decided then and there to name 'Fredrick', and, thus, had no use for the speakers to be anything but what they were, speakers. And she would forever use them for her iPod. Always.

Anyway, she was flying through space when she thought she saw, out of the corner of her eye, a blue box. And it wasn't just any blue box, no sir, it was the Tardis. And the door was opened. And something was being thrown out of the Tardis. Something white and fluffy.

Something clicked inside of Katrina's head and she realized just what that white and fluffy thing was. It was the Master. Well…the Master when he was the fluffy white kitten she used to use to taunt the Doctor with. And the Master was being chucked in the general direction of the nearby black hole. Well, that wasn't good.

Katrina flicked a few random levers on the console of her…of 'Fredrick'…and set the tractor beam so that it caught the Master and transported him into the ship. Katrina grinned and turned it off, lest anything else get sucked into the…into 'Fredrick'…and ran off to go find him, putting 'Fredrick' on autopilot.

Sure enough, she found the Master in her bathroom in the sink. Katrina reached down and picked him up, ignoring any and all protests he may or may not have had. Katrina couldn't tell either way, really… the Master was a cat and cats couldn't really verbally protest to anything. They could meow and stuff, but it wasn't the same.

"Hello, Master. Did you have a nice time with the Doctor?" she inquired, rubbing her nose against him and then cuddling him to her chest. Katrina carried the grumbling Time Lord/kitten into the control room and set him down on the other chair. "That's good to hear… so, either you can travel around with me or I can take you to go torment him again..?"

Katrina could have sworn she heard the Master asking to leave…

~XD~

Katrina landed her ship outside of Stonehenge and got out, carrying the Master-kitten out of Fredrick and down into where she had known the Pandorica was hidden. Still holding him, Katrina reached out and touched the giant cube, looking down at the Master with a small grin.

"Okay, so, this time you may have to wait for a little while. Don't worry, this place isn't as horrible as it looks… I'll come and get you after, okay?" she asked, setting the kitten on the chair inside of the box. "Oh, and remember to look really cute… not that you don't already," Katrina giggled, smoothing back the fur on the top of the Master's fluffy white head before standing back. "I love you!" she shouted just as the Pandorica closed.

~XD~

A few days later for Katrina, she flew back to the Pandorica and parked outside like she had before. She skipped down the stairs, her bare feet getting rather muddy in the process, and touched the Pandorica, opening it.

"Hi there, sweetie," she said, picking up the Master and kissing him on the nose. "Did you have fun? You'll have to tell me about his reaction once you're Time Lord shaped again…"


	45. The Doctor's Absence is Explained

**Hi there, y'all!  
><strong>

**So, first off, sorry this is late. There was a massive storm that was kind of a cross between a hurricane and a tornado that knocked out my power for a while and my laptop died before I could post. It came back on a little while ago, but by then, I was already late. That storm was really creepy...it was all windy, and my house was almost ripped apart...and there is now a crack in my window because of the pressure the wind was making on my house. It was really frightening...or it would have been if I didn't love storms.  
><strong>

**Anyway, we were all disappointed, at least a little, when the Doctor didn't show up for the Olympics, right? Well, here's my explanation as to why. Enjoy, darlings!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor's Absence is Explained_

Two people sat at a table, one on each side so they were sitting across from each other. One was a man with a bowtie, the other a girl, much younger then the man, in sweatpants and a burgundy t-shirt. The girl leaned back in her chair, her head cocked to the side as she looked at the man with a small smirk.

"Okay, I bet you twenty pounds that I can cause a paradox that you can't fix," she said coolly, licking her lips. The man watched her for a moment, deliberating whether to be nervous or to ignore her confidence in the matter, leaning forward, his lanky arms crossed over his bony chest.

"Fine, you can try," he said after a moment. "But here are the rules…one, you have to go somewhere…some-_when_, that I've gone to in my past three regenerations. And two, you can't kill anyone."

"Fine. Shake on it?" she inquired, holding out her hand lazily, which he took, shaking it. She stood. "I'll be back in a tick, Doctor."

The Doctor watched as Katrina Lycanthrope pressed a button on her vortex manipulator and vanished in a flash of light.

~XD~

The Doctor stood in the Olympic stadium, watching as the torch-runners as they made their way up to light the cauldron, watching to make sure the light would be transferred so that the spaceship might fly away into the already brightly lit sky. For a moment, he considered darting out, snatching the middle torch, and running it up himself, but something stopped him.

There was a sound, like bones snapping, and a flash of light. The Doctor turned, confused, to see what had caused the noise.

"Okay, that wasn't as bad as usual," the girl that had materialized said, straightening up. She looked up at the Doctor with calm green eyes, her face holding a satisfied smirk. "Hello. I'm Kat."

"Hello," the Doctor replied, smiling, his attention still half on the torch. The girl, Kat, noticed where he was looking and touched his arm.

"I know what you're thinking…don't."

"What?" he asked, a little startled and very confused.

"You want to run the torch, don't you?" Kat inquired rhetorically. "Don't."

"Why not?"

"Bad things will happen."

The Doctor stared for a moment, blinking, before deciding to ignore this strange girl. She didn't sound very convincing…and he still wanted to run the torch. It'd be fun.

However, by now it was too late. The kids running the torch had already reached the place of lighting with no mishaps. The Doctor sighed. That was disappointing…he'd really wanted to run that torch. He made to turn back to the girl, but she was already gone again. He'd missed the flash of light and sound in the excitement of the lighting.

~XD~

Katrina sat back down in front of the Doctor, smiling. He scowled at her.

"So, you owe me twenty pounds," she said matter-of-factly. The Doctor sighed, knowing she was right. He couldn't fix this paradox that Katrina had created without crossing his own timeline. He really hated crossing his own timeline, but he wished she hadn't chosen that particular event to create the paradox from. Running the torch had been cool.


	46. The Doctor and the Master Investigate

**Hey everyone!  
><strong>

**Sorry it's so late! If it's any consolation, this one is rather long! I hope that makes up for it!  
><strong>

**So, I dedicate this to my friend Anna, who gave me the idea, and to David Tennant and John Simm. If they ever read this, I hope they're not mad at me for destroying their characters or something...that would be weird, wouldn't it, if they actually found this? Meh...  
><strong>

**Also, happy birthday to myself! It's on Monday, so this long chapter is a present to y'all from me for my birthday. Yeah.  
><strong>

**Anywho, enjoy! It's the longest I've given y'all in a while, so I hope it's worth it!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor and the Master Investigate Doctor Who_

Jack Harkness sat in his living room, eyes on his television where the opening credits for that show that Katrina had introduced him to…Doctor Who…were playing. He had confiscated the DVD boxed sets from the coat-thief as compensation for the coat that she still had not returned to him, and he had become, for lack of better words, almost as obsessed with it as she was. In fact, he'd had Torchwood track down the guy who played him, John Barrowman or something like that, and had stalked him for three weeks because he could. Of course, he never actually approached the man, because that was taboo, but he'd stalked him.

Just as the episode he was watching was ending, Jack glanced out his window and he swore he saw the Tardis. Which was weird…he hadn't heard it materializing… then again, he had just watched a television show that involved several nearly perfect replications of the materialization noise, so it could have appeared some time during the episode. Jack walked over to his television and knelt down, figuring that, just because the Tardis was there it didn't mean that the Doctor was coming to visit him, and taking the disk out of the DVD player and setting it back in the box. He was about to put in the last disk for season 3 when he heard a knock at his door. Jack stood, walking over, and opening it to find the Doctor and the Master standing outside his apartment.

"Hello, Jack!" the Doctor said enthusiastically, giving Jack a large smile and a cheery wave. Jack stared, his eyes flicking between the Doctor and the other Time Lord, who was blonde for some reason, and wearing black jeans and a black hoodie… The Doctor nudged the Master with his elbow and he sighed, a bored expression on his face.

"Freak," he said in greeting and the Doctor frowned at him but said nothing.

"Doctor, what are you and _him_ doing here?" Jack asked, starting off with the obvious question.

"Well," the Doctor explained, "we were in the neighborhood getting ice cream and thought we'd drop in and say hello."

"I see…" Jack said, stepping aside so the two aliens…well…two hearted aliens…could enter his house. "What happened to that Donna woman? Is she with you?"

"No, she was eaten by pigeons," the Master said and both the Doctor and Jack stared at him, not expecting his input on the conversation, both of them expecting him to simply remain silent for the entirety of the visit, glaring at them from Jack's couch or something…neither of them had expected him to actually speak.

"What?" the Doctor inquired and the Master sighed, shaking his head.

"Nothing…"

"O…kay," the Doctor said, shaking his head. His gaze moved over to Jack's TV and he frowned a little at the sight of the DVDs. "Jack, what's that? That case with me on the front?"

"Oh this?" Jack asked, wandering over and picking up the season 3 box set, holding it out for the Doctor to take. "I took this from that Katrina Lycanthrope girl…she stole my coat, so I stole her television show."

"Doctor Who," the Doctor read from the front of the box and his eyes widened a little bit. "Jack, this show is about me."

"I know. Cool, isn't it? I'm thinking of making Torchwood-" Jack started, but a look from the Doctor cut him off.

"Jack. Do you have any idea how bad this is that you have these? You have no idea what this is!" he said, tossing the DVDs onto the couch, where they bounced and fell to the floor.

"Hey!" Jack protested.

"No, you listen to me. This television show is my life. I don't want you to watch anymore," the Doctor said solemnly. Jack saw the Master glancing between them before looking over at the DVDs.

"Why's it called 'Doctor' Who? It should be called 'the Master Show'. I should be the main character…I'm much more interesting then him," the Master said, motioning to the Doctor, who let out an affronted 'hey!'. "What? It's true…"

"Look, Doctor, I can tell that you're angry with me for having this, but will you just watch an episode before you judge it?" Jack asked. The Doctor shook his head.

"No, I need to talk to the people who wrote this. I need to find out how they knew all of this," the Doctor said, his voice that same voice he used when he wanted to be dramatic. The Master rolled his eyes again.

"Really, Doctor? You bring me all the way here and we don't even get to raid his kitchen?" he asked in what could be classified as a whine.

"I have some pumpkin cream cheese if you want it… Katrina made me buy a bunch of it and it multiplies…"

~XD~

The Doctor parked the Tardis a little way away from the set where the television show, Doctor Who, was being shot, and walked out of it dramatically, his coat flowing in the non-existent wind. The Master followed for a little until he got bored and went on his own to go look around while the Doctor settled his vendetta against the writers.

He was wandering about aimlessly when he came across something…someone who caught his attention. It was a man, a human man, who looked almost identical to the Master, every detail immaculate except his facial expression. Instead of being that deep frown the Master nearly constantly had when he was wandering around alone, this guy wasn't frowning. He stared for a moment at the guy, not quite sure how to react, before doing the obvious thing and walking over, scowling.

"You. Who are you?" he asked and the man looked a little startled for a moment before he relaxed.

"Oh, hello," he said calmly. "I'm John…" the man said, waiting for any recognition that the Master may have had toward who he was. "John Simm."

"I am the Master," said the Master. "Why do you look like me?"

"Oh, I see, a fan," said John Simm, nodding slightly. "You did a good job on your costume."

"I'm not wearing a costume, I'm the Master…" he said, irritated. "The guy you play in this stupid show."

"You're the Master?" he asked, "Really?"

"Yes, really. The Doctor is around here somewhere too…"

"Did I hear something about the Doctor?" asked a seemingly random Scottish accented voice from behind the Master and the Master turned to see someone who looked nearly identical to the Doctor, except that he was holding a cup of coffee and the Master knew that the Doctor hated coffee.

"David," said John, "this guy thinks he's the Master. Isn't that interesting?" The Master scowled at him. This new man, identified as 'David', walked over and grinned at the Master.

"Well, he does look like the Master…" he said, giving the Master a once over before taking a sip of his coffee. The Master sighed heavily.

"I don't just _look_ like the Master. I _am_ the Master. I've already told this guy," he motioned to John, still irritated.

"Master, I couldn't find the writers, but…" called the Doctor, who was walking over to join the little group of the Master and the two human actors. He paused, looking between the Master and John Simm, eyebrows furrowed. "Hang on…no, don't tell me," he groaned, "you talked to your actor, didn't you? Master, you're not meant to do that!"

"Oh my god, Doctor!" exclaimed David, dropping his coffee and staring at the Doctor with a large grin on his face. The Doctor looked at him, unsure if he should be amused or continue to be irritated with the Master. David turned to John, still grinning. "I told you he was real," he said before moving forward and touching the Doctor's arm, jerking his hand back. "I touched him, he really exists!"

"Why didn't I get this kind of reaction?" the Master grumbled, sulking some more. He looked over at John, who was watching David with an amused expression on his face. The actor looked back over to the Master.

"I'm not as much of a fan as David is," he explained. The Master nodded, his scowl deepening just a little more.

"So he gets fans and I don't?" the Master inquired dully, watching as David proceeded to poke the Doctor several times, talking very quickly, asking what seemed to be a thousand questions about what kind of things the Doctor did on a daily basis and whatnot.

"Oh, we get fans too, don't worry. He's just the main character."

"Ah," said the Master, beginning to grow even more bored of the situation. He walked forward, grabbing David by the back of his coat collar, pulling him slowly away from the Doctor, who he seemed to want to cling to. The human pouted. "Time to go, isn't it, Doctor?"

"But he just got here…" David protested.

"Yeah, it is…sorry we couldn't stay longer. We have a thing to do," the Doctor said and the Master almost face-palmed. A 'thing to do'. Really. He'd thought by now the Doctor would be able to come up with better excuses…but apparently not…

"Yeah, there's an issue with the Daleks…it's important," the Master elaborated and the Doctor nodded.

"Right…so…" he said, reaching over and taking the Master's hand, stepping back a few steps, waving at their human clones. "Take care."

With that, he ran, tugging the Master behind him, back to the Tardis. He ran because he'd seen that several other people had seen them, and, since he was the main character of a popular television show, didn't want to be mobbed by fans.

"He didn't even sign my sonic screwdriver…" David said to John, watching as the two Time Lords ran away.


	47. The Daleks are Fashion Consultants

**Hey guys!  
><strong>

**Okay, I know it's short, and a little bit random...but I was extremely distracted by other things while I was writing this.  
><strong>

**This one just kinda popped into my head out of nowhere, but I hope it's not horrible...  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Daleks are Fashion Consultants_

The Cult of Skaro sat…stood…sat…were positioned behind a large desk, waiting for their next client to come into the room. Ever since they had been defeated by the Doctor, they had figured that continuing to try to destroy the human race was not a smart idea…so, instead, they had decided to put their imagination to a different use.

"ENTER!" cried Dalek Caan, swiveling his eyestalk a little bit. The Daleks waited a moment before a girl poked her head into the room. She wandered forward and the Daleks immediately began to take into consideration what she was wearing…a bright orange knit sweater, dark blue jeans, and orange crocs that matched her sweater. Her long blonde hair was pulled up in a ponytail.

"Erm…hi," she said, fidgeting with her sweater and biting her lip.

"WHAT-IS-THE-MEANING-OF-THIS?!" inquired Dalek Sec. The girl frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"YOU-ARE-WEARING-A-BRIGHT-ORANGE-SWEATER. IT-DOES-NOT-GO-WITH-YOUR-HAIR-COLOR!" Dalek Sec elaborated and the other Daleks nodded their eyestalks.

"I think it looked good…"

"THAT-IS-NOT-CORRECT. YOU-MUST-BE-EXTERMINATED-FOR-YOUR-HORRIBLE-FASHION-SENSE," said one of the other Daleks. The girl backed away.

"What? No!"

"EXTERMINATE!" they chorused, each shooting at the girl at the same time, their lasers impacting on target, the girl falling to the floor dead.

"WHO-IS-NEXT?!"

And this cycle continued until all of the people with a horrible fashion sense were gone from the world, leaving it the most trendy planet in the universe, all thanks to the Cult of Skaro.


	48. The Doctor is Scared

**Good evening/whatever time it is wherever you are, my lovelies!  
><strong>

**So, I'm posting on time for once..! Yay me!  
><strong>

**There's actually a reason as to why I'm doing it too...I'm actually about to start a bunch of movies with a friend of mine that are guaranteed to freak me out, and I wanted to write this before I started, because I doubt he'd let me pause the movie and come write. So yeah...we're going to watch first a movie called 'Stigmata'. Yeah...  
><strong>

**So, I wrote this because of reasons, lots and lots of reasons. Blah blah blah, nobody reads this anyway...yeah...  
><strong>

**Anywho, tell me what y'all think of my story! Please! I've had barely any reviews lately, and I know y'all are reading this! Thanks to my two lovelies who did review, I love everyone, but I love y'all the most!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor is Scared_

The Master was sitting in the Tardis, perfectly calm, minding his own business, not plotting world domin-well, he _was_ plotting world domination… However, his peaceful plotting was interrupted when he heard the Doctor call his name from the console room. The Master furrowed his eyebrows, frowning deeply, before shrugging and standing up. He walked into the room to see what in Rassilon's name was wrong with the Doctor.

Upon reaching the room he'd heard the Doctor's scream come from, the first thing he saw was the Doctor, standing on top of the Tardis controls, staring at the floor, shaking like a leaf. The Master looked at the Doctor for a moment before looking down at where he was looking and then back, his frown deepening.

"What?" he asked, waiting for some form of explanation.

"Kill it," the Doctor whimpered, continuing to stare at whatever it was he was looking at. All the Master could see was a large-ish brown splotch on the floor. He certainly couldn't kill a splotch…

"Kill what?"

"That! The bug, kill it!" Oh, so the brown splotch was a bug. The Master stepped closer and bent down to examine it. Yes, it was definitely a bug, a cockroach, to be exact.

"Since when do you want me to kill things?" the Master asked, slowly scooping the roach into his hands and stepping closer to the Doctor. The Doctor flinched, his eyes never leaving the roach.

"J-just kill it, please kill it," he begged. Grinning ferally, the Master lifted his hands closer to the Doctor…lifted the roach closer to the Doctor. "Master, please kill it, I hate bugs, please take it away!"

"Hmm," said the Master said with a smirk. "I think I might just keep it in a jar…I like it, this insect…I think I'll name him George."

The Doctor stared at 'George' for a moment before looking up at the Master with huge eyes.

"Please don't…" The Master ignored him and walked away, 'George' in hand, to go find a jar, leaving the Doctor standing on the controls staring after him with an expression of fear on his face.

~XD~

The Doctor had been having a nice time searching for…something…in the Tardis closet when he came across something terrifying. Something that would scare small children. The most wretched thing in all of the universe.

Slowly, with a shaky hand, he reached out and picked up the jar, pulling off the post-it note and quickly setting the jar back down, not daring to look inside.

"'So I see you found George. I hope you're not still scared of bugs. XOXO, the Master'," he read aloud, his eyes widening and falling back on the jar. He scooted backwards eyes widened, his foot accidentally touching the jar, knocking it over. Out tumbled George the roach, who scampered around and then ran away as fast as his little legs could take him. Breathing heavily, the Doctor stood, scampering out of the closet. He vowed, from that day onward, to only wear the clothing at the front of the closet. Which happened to be a tweed jacket, a small rack of bow-ties, black pants, suspenders, a red striped shirt, and boots.

And, even after he'd regenerated, he retained his fear of roaches, still only wearing that same outfit every day because he was much too scared to go any deeper into the closet. Who knew, 'George' might have established a colony…just the thought gave him nightmares. But he never once told Amy and Rory why exactly he woke up at night screaming for someone to kill it. And they never would.


	49. The Master is Hungry

**Hello, my lovelies!  
><strong>

**So, first off, I'd like to say sorry for my last chapter's whump. I got several comments telling me that I was mean, but I hadn't meant to be. This story is just for fun and I, if you know me, hate being mean to the 10th Doctor. He's my lovely little love... I had my reasons, but, yeah...  
><strong>

**Now! On to this week's chapter! The idea for which was suggested to me by Qu0thTheRavenNeverm0re.  
><strong>

**So, here you go, my lovely! I hope you like it!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

**P.S. yes, I know this chapter is short...I'm sorry. I've just been kinda stressed with school stuff and it has been a bit hard to concentrate because of how little I've been sleeping. I hope it's still good!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Master is Hungry_

The Master paced back and forth, grumbling to himself, outside of the burger cart, which now held no burgers, no actual food, and no people, save for the skeleton of the woman who had been running it. The Master didn't really count that as a person…and, even after devouring all of that, he was still hungry. He was starving, absolutely famished…so hungry, he felt like he could eat that pile of bricks he'd just spotted..!

The Master wandered over to the pile of bricks and picked one up, attempting to stuff it into his mouth. He gnawed on it for a moment before chucking it away in annoyance. Bricks didn't actually taste good, he'd found, and, besides, they were much too hard to eat. He'd have to find something else.

The Master tried several other things which, much to his disappointment, turned out to be either inedible or just plain gross…a tree, a rock, a watch, two different books, and a turtle. He'd almost tried to eat a kitten, but he liked kittens, so he changed his mind at the last moment and had given the kitten away to a little girl with a balloon. Then he'd tried to eat the balloon.

Irritated and craving nourishment, the Master continued to wander around aimlessly through the construction site where he currently found himself, not really wanting to leave it to actually go retrieve actual food. He didn't think he could, either way. His face kept flashing and looking all skull-ish, so it'd scare away people who could actually provide him with actual food. He tried to eat everything in the entire construction site before he finally gave up and left it for a while, finding, almost immediately, an all night convenience store.

The Master left said convenience store after having devoured the entirety of the food stuffs and all of the people inside of it, finally feeling full. Sure, he'd be hungry again in a few hours, but, for now, he was content.


	50. The Daleks Want Eggs

**Hello, my gorgeous readers!  
><strong>

**So, this week's chapter is my 50th chapter! And, and, to top it off, I'm posting it today, the day that the season 7 premiere episode has finally been revealed to us! So, naturally, that's what I had to write about!  
><strong>

**I'd just, before you read, like to take a moment to thank all of you for being here with me for so long! I love each and every one of you so, so, soooo much! You guys are so amazing, especially those of you who've been with me since chapter one almost a year ago...and those of you who haven't and just started following this recently, I love you too! I hope this chapter pleases you, I really wanted to do something fun for my 50th chapter... and, remember, if there's ever anything you want to see me write, just message me and tell me! It can be for this story or just a one shot that's not funny, I'll write it for you. I just want you to know how much I love all of you! I wouldn't be where I am now without y'all's support and amazingness! Thank you so much!**

**I love you!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Daleks Want Eggs_

Rory Williams slowly crept around the room, eying the Daleks nervously, waiting for something to happen. It was still, too still, and very quiet. He wondered what was wrong, why the Daleks weren't moving around, trying to exterminate him, but he didn't want to find out. They could be dead..? But he didn't know. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

After a moment, however, he decided to go try to find out. He walked over to one of the Daleks and slowly reached out, putting his hand on the 'head' and turning it. Then, to his slight alarm, the head swiveled back, the eye light flickering on.

"EGGS…" the Dalek said, swiveling its head a bit. Rory stepped back, watching as the other Daleks began to come to life as well, all muttering 'eggs'. Did they want eggs..?

"Oh, okay, right…you want eggs..?" Rory inquired. "Are those what they are, those things, are they eggs..?" Slowly, he reached down and picked up one of the little round bobbles that had fallen off of the Dalek, moving forward with it.

"EGGS…EGGS…EGGS," the Dalek repeated for a moment, before its eye-stalk moved down to the bobble and then back to Rory. "THAT-IS-NOT-AN-EGG."

"It's…it's not?" he asked, setting the bobble back down.

"NO, HUMAN. IT-IS-A-DISINTEGRATION-SPHERE," it corrected.

"Oh…then what do you want?" Rory asked, nudging the disintegration sphere away with his foot before it could disintegrate him.

"WE-REQUIRE-THE-SUBSTANCE-KNOWN-AS-EGGS," said one of the Daleks from behind him. Rory looked over his shoulder at it, confusion rising slightly.

"You require…eggs? But how would you…you know…eat them?"

"IT-DOES-NOT-MATTER-HOW-THEY-WOULD-BE-CONSUMED. WE-REQUIRE-EGGS," said the Dalek who had first spoken. Rory cleared his throat.

"Right…well then. I don't exactly…have any eggs, but, um…you can have a disintegration sphere..?" he offered, nudging the one with his foot again, moving it closer to the first Dalek.

"WE-DO-NOT-REQUIRE-DISINTEGRATION-SPHERES. WE-REQUIRE-THE-SUBSTANCE-KNOWN-AS-EGGS. IF-YOU-CANNOT-PROVIDE-US-WITH-EGGS-THEN-WE-SHALL-EXTERMINATE-YOU. EXTERMINATE!" it shouted, firing a blast past Rory's shoulder. He turned and ran, with the assistance of the soufflé girl, out of the room, knowing this could have been avoided if he'd happened to have about half a dozen eggs on his person. If only he'd stopped at the market before he'd been kidnapped…oh well. It didn't matter anymore…maybe next time.


	51. River Confronts the Doctor

**Hello, everyone!  
><strong>

**So, this chapter is, by far, the shortest one I've written in a while...and probably one of the worst written I've done in a while. But, I have a reason for that...  
><strong>

**You see, I haven't been sleeping well, and, because of that, haven't been able to focus on much of anything...not school, not people, not even my writing and Doctor Who... it has been...horrible. If anyone can help me, like, I don't know, figure out what to do, please do... I'm seriously not doing well, and it's because of stress and lack of sleep...  
><strong>

**Anyway, haven't seen this week's episode, otherwise it would be something about dinosaurs or something, but here is my chapter... I hope y'all like it despite the lack of funny/interesting-ness/whatever else my other chapters have that this doesn't.  
><strong>

**Anywho, I'm rambling, aren't I...just, enjoy!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_River Confronts the Doctor_

The Doctor sat in a chair in the Tardis kitchen, watching nervously as River Song paced back and forth in front of him. He wrung his hands together, reaching up and fidgeting with his bowtie for a moment, before dropping his hands back in his lap once again. He was nervous…she would be mad at him for sure. He knew it had been a bad idea to do this…

After what seemed like hours, but was, according to the internal clock engraved in his Time Lord brain, only twenty minutes, River stopped her pacing and stood in front of him, a stern expression on her face.

"Okay," she said. "Look, I know you kissed my mother, but this is ridiculous. We're married. You can't just go around snogging my father, sweetie."

"Yes, River…" the Doctor said, his head bowed in shame. "But honestly, I had a reason..!"

"No…just no," River said, shaking her head, sighing deeply, and turning away. "Well…okay, but, I'm curious, out of us, who is the best kisser?"

"Definitely Rory," he blurted before clapping his hand over his mouth.

River turned back around, eyebrows raised. "What was that you said?"

"I said definitely not Rory," the Doctor amended. "It's you, River."

It was actually Rory.


	52. Tea is Drunk

**Hello, darlings!  
><strong>

**So, again, I haven't seen the episode this week, but I did find out a spoiler on tumblr so I'm going off of that. I'm going to be brief in my note today because I feel like I'm going to pass out, but enjoy the story, I love you all!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing,  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Tea is Drunk_

The Doctor leaned against the bar table, shifting from one leg to the other, and ordered his drink.

"I want tea. The hard stuff. Leave the bag in," he said and the bartender gasped. A man three stools over dropped his glass of bourbon.

"Nobody drinks tea that way, and I mean nobody," the bartender replied, eyes wide. "Nobody, 'cept for…" The Doctor waited a moment for him to finish speaking, which the bartender didn't seem to be able to do, and was about to inquire as to who else took their tea that way, when, suddenly, he heard music, the doors to the bar opening dramatically.

"'Cept for me," said the person who had just entered, shutting off her boom box, which had been playing the music they used in old western films, and setting it down. This stranger was dressed in a pair of blue-jeans, cowboy boots on her feet, a plaid shirt on her torso and a vest over that. Around her waist was a holster that held a large blaster and on her wrist was a vortex manipulator. She tilted her hat back to reveal her face. It was Katrina Lycanthrope.

"You? What are you doing here?" the Doctor asked, standing up.

"Having a cup of tea…what else would I be doing here?" Katrina asked back, walking up to the bar and tapping it twice. "The usual," she said and the bartender set to work. "The question is…what am I _not_ doing here."

"O…kay, what are you not doing here?"

"I'm not having a Christmas party, I'm not eating mashed potatoes, I'm not practicing the cello…I'm not doing a lot of things, silly Doctor." Katrina accepted the mug of tea from the bartender and took a sip. "Ah. Delicious. Anyway, I gotta go. There's a thing I have to do that involves stuff… see you around, Doctor." With that, she walked outside, turned on her boom box, and left.

The Doctor picked up his mug of tea also, taking a sip. Not the best tea ever…but it was pretty good.


	53. The Cube Sings

**Alrighty, hello my darlings!  
><strong>

**So, actually posting at a semi-reasonable hour. And actually awake, which is new, as we know I haven't been sleeping well lately...yeah...  
><strong>

**Anyway, this chapter is based upon tonight's episode, which was amazing, btw. If you've not seen it, shame on you do not read this any more...well, yes, read it, you just won't have any idea what I'm talking about...yeah.  
><strong>

**So, I actually felt really bad for that little chicken-dance singing cube in the episode...y'all know the one I'm talking about...so I wrote my chapter about him/her...it. It kinda depressed me to write, to be perfectly honest, and it's a bit short...again...but not terrible, I hope. Pity the cube..!  
><strong>

**I love you all! Thanks for staying with me for all this time, still...despite the chapter lengths...  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Cube Sings_

Generic black cube number six billion two thousand and eleven sat sedentary on the ground, not doing anything in particular, not being anything in particular…it just sat there on the sidewalk, watching people walk past it. Well…not really watching, per say, as it didn't have eyes, but you get the point.

Anyway, this cube was not like the other cubes. It wasn't happy with just sitting there waiting for something to happen, though cubes felt no emotions at all and could not, therefore, be 'happy'. It wanted to be different…to be special.

It wanted to sing.

So, after almost a year of waiting, the day where the cubes would be activated arrived. Cube six-billion-two-thousand-eleven was so nervous that it wouldn't be able to sing, but it was excited to…it would finally be different. It would finally feel special…

Upon the activation, the cube opened up its receptors and began to play music at the top of its speakers, singing loud and proud the song that would make the humans happy too…all it wanted was to make the humans happy.

"Why is that cube playing the chicken-dance song?" asked one of the humans as it walked past, talking to its mate.

"I don't know…that's weird," it responded and the cube felt its non-existent heart drop. The humans didn't like its singing…he was a failure…

Cube number six billion two thousand and eleven was brought to a strange place and locked alone in a vault, alone with its song, where it sat there and cried tiny black tears as it sang, continuing to sing until it went into hibernate…


	54. Donna is Ambushed

**Good evening, darlings!  
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**So, this chapter has absolutely nothing to do with tonight's episode, but that is because I could not think of a single thing from that which I could make amusing...it was too sad.  
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**Anyway, I wrote about Donna for once, so Donna!bashing time. Yay!  
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**The idea to be rude to Donna today was given to me by mon petit amour, so, sweetheart, this is for you! ^-^  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**OnyxvanGem  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_Donna is Ambushed_

Donna Noble walked away from her house with a, for once, calm expression on her face, her hair done up nicely, wearing her best clothing. She was headed for a job interview at an agency that did a thing. She honestly didn't even remember what they did, she just needed a job, and this seemed like the best place to go for one.

Now, she was about to get into the car when she suddenly felt something hit her in the back of the head, drenching her. She cried out and whirled around, nearly stumbling because of her heeled shoes, not spotting any sign of whatever had happened. However, that was soon changed when she saw something round and purple headed towards her face, impacting it with a splash. A water balloon.

"Oi!" she shouted. Nobody answered, irritating her even more. "Who threw that? Come on, who did that?!" Still, nobody answered.

With a huff, Donna turned and stormed back into her house, her hair a mess, outfit soaked, makeup running down her face. She was going to miss the interview for whatever job she had planned to apply for, and she was soaking wet. Today was not going well…

Katrina Lycanthrope watched Donna Noble go back into her house and, once she was inside, burst out laughing, tossing the last water balloon at some random passer-by to get rid of it. That had been more fun than she'd expected, ambushing her favorite companion with water balloons. She decided she might want to do it again.

Which she did. Twice more times, in fact. All on days when Donna looked like she needed to do something important. Why had she chosen those days? It was more fun that way.


	55. The Master Uses My Laptop

**I am back, my lovelies.  
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**Sorry it took me so damn long to write again... life has been... extremely hectic. I had an extreme wave of depression back whenever I posted my last chapter... I think it was October... and then lost my muse completely until I wrote my ultra depressing story, Cursed, which y'all should read if you feel like sadness.  
><strong>

**But, anyway, after that, I got myself a boyfriend. Isn't that great? He's so cute...but he's been taking up a lot of my time, and that was another reason I didn't update for so long.  
><strong>

**However, I'm going to try to go back to my one a week thing except with maybe a few during the week to make up for my long absence, as that really wasn't very fair to y'all, was it?  
><strong>

**A special thanks to tardis-blue-jay, who was the only one to actually message me and ask me when I was going to post again. You brought this back, and I wouldn't be even trying with it if it weren't for you.  
><strong>

**I love you guys, and I've missed y'all so much!  
><strong>

**Stay amazing!  
><strong>

**onyxvangem  
><strong>

**Ps. Yes, I will post the thing. Not today, but it will be posted and you will like, me thinks. You'll know what I"m talking about in a moment...  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Master Uses My Laptop_

The Master walked through the halls of the Tardis, drumming his fingers against his leg as he did, whistling an annoying little tune as he did. He looked up, sniffing the air a little and frowning. Something smelled weird… or, to him it smelled weird… it smelled like pears and woods and cat. An odd combination in and of itself, but even more odd considering where it was coming from.

The smell was coming from inside of the Tardis gym, a room that was normally saturated with the smell of sweat or tears or pain… the former of the two smells smelling not very pleasant and the latter smelling fantastic. Pain smelled fantastic… it smelled like cranberries.

But, anyway… the Master walked over to the door of the gym and opened it, sauntering through and looking around. Nobody was there… there was nothing to explain the change in the scent of the room.

Nothing, save the laptop sitting in the middle of the floor over by the giant balls on which people rolled and did abdominal stuff…or something…

Quirking his head a little to the side in confusion, the Master wandered over to the laptop and crouched down. Opened on the fully lit screen, he found a blank page and a thing called 'yahoo messenger'. Whoever had left this here had said they would be right back… but the thing indicated that they had been gone for a good two minutes, so the Master doubted they would be.

Feeling slightly curious, he picked up the laptop and moved so he was sitting on one of the exercise things. He wanted to see whose laptop this was, and, once he did that, why they were in the Tardis. The Master could have sworn he'd removed any and all life forms from it when he'd captured the Doctor…

He went through file after file of documents, a sly smile spreading across his face as he found something that he thought was rather intriguing. What he found were stories… several stories, and all about him or the Doctor or other people…one of these stories depicting the person who was, apparently, the owner of the universe.

The Master drummed his fingers against his thigh, reading with a look of slight amusement and a lot of intrigue, before he got an idea. He would write a chapter too… everything in this story had happened to him or the Doctor, so he figured that if he did, what he wrote would happen to him as well. It was pretty logical, considering…

He typed away for a few hours, his tongue between his teeth as he did, fingers flying fast over the keyboard. His story would be so amazing… it would be twenty times better than anything this person had written, for sure.

"What are you doing with my laptop..?" came a voice, and the Master looked up, snapped from his concentration in the blink of an eye. Standing in front of him was a girl in her late teens, clothed in sweat pants and a t-shirt with a large cat printed on it, her dark blonde hair pulled back from her face. She was carrying a large mug of what smelled like coffee, and looked vaguely irritated that he was there. No, the Master looked closer. She looked very irritated.

"What are you doing in the Tardis?" he retaliated and the girl frowned even more.

"Look, give me back that. I need it…I don't have time for this either, I have a deadline…" she said coolly. This time, it was the Master's turn to frown. When the Master didn't answer, the girl sighed dramatically, rolling her green eyes in annoyance. "I have a paper to write… it's due tomorrow. So, if you please…" she held out her arms for the laptop.

"And why should I give it back?" challenged the Master.

"Did you not just hear what I said to you..?" there was a pause. "I need that so I can do this paper. I'm very tired, and I don't want to deal with this right now, Master. I'm really not in the mood."

The Master, figuring that he shouldn't push whomever this was's nerves, since she was, after all, apparently, the owner of the universe, lifted up the laptop and set it in her hands.

"Thanks…now, go away, s'il vous plait?"

"On one condition…" the Master said, his voice level and his tone collected. The girl raised an eyebrow. "Publish my story in your thing next week. I happen to think it's rather good…"

"We'll see."

"Fantastic."


	56. The Master Does Fanfic

**Hey guys, hahaha...**

**About the me coming back and posting every Saturday thing happening, I probably won't end up posting every Saturday. I just have so much stuff happening...**

**But I will try to do these when I can. Fanfic releases stress for me, and yeah...**

**This chapter, as promised, is the Master's chapter, so it is not written in the style I do mine. He wrote it, he did his own thing. I just posted it. Don't be too mean to him if you don't like. He would probably kill you.**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem**

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Master Does Fanfic_

I stood in the middle of the Valiant, surveying over my Earth with a pleased expression on my face. The humans were celebrating today a festival in my honour, as I have been their Lord and Master for six weeks, and six weeks is long enough for a festival of my take-over to be hosted.

My Lucy Saxon walked up next to me, presenting me with a hug and then taking my jelly babies, an action that I found rude and uncalled for.

"Lucy," I said in aggravation. "Give me back my jelly babies."

She did as I commanded and I devoured one.

As the Lord and Master of Earth, I could do anything that I wanted. And what I had always wanted was to ride a unicorn. I had heard they originate here on this planet, and had also heard that they were majestic.

"Lucy," I commanded. "Bring me a unicorn."

Lucy Saxon did as I commanded, though, to my irritation, the unicorn was merely a horse with a cone taped to its forehead.

"This is not a unicorn." I tore the cone off of the horse's head and tossed it to the ground. The horse whinnied at me in irritation, though I am unsure as to how horses can feel that, or if they do.

"I'm sorry, Harry. They don't exist," Lucy informed me. I frowned deeply.

"Yes, they do." I said firmly and then, in that exact moment, the horse that had been brought to me grew a horn and turned multi-coloured and majestic. I proceeded to ride it around the Valiant and show it off to the Doctor, who did not have a unicorn.

The end.


	57. The Doctor Is Named

**Alrighty, guys!**

**So, here's a chapter for y'all. It's been ages, I know, but today I saw several emails from someone who was reviewing my story, even though I had honestly thought nobody would be able to find it again, as I haven't updated it in a while, and thought I'd give them something new to read.**

**I'm finally caught up on Doctor Who. I watched the rest of season 7 on my birthday a few days ago, and thought I'd try to do something with Clara for a change. If she's out of character a bit, don't be too angry. I'm still not over the Ponds and didn't feel right not writing about them...yeah...**

**In any case, I hope y'all enjoy this. I'm still very busy. Life has been kinda hectic. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in about a week, and school starts on the 21st, so I'm not really excited about that. But it'll be my senior year, so that's good.**

**But yeah, if you like this, shoot me a review and I might write more. I do take requests for fics, though there's one I'm still working on that's a Doctor Who/Supernatural crossover. I write for Doctor Who (obviously), Supernatural (though my story was deleted...), and Sherlock, among other things. If you want to request a fic, pm me and we'll talk.**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem**

* * *

><p><strong>In Which…<strong>

_The Doctor is Named_

Clara and the Doctor stood in the Tardis control room, discussing the high and low points of their previous adventure. The Doctor had taken her to the Planet of the Bowties, somewhere that he'd wanted to go for ages upon ages, but had turned out to be a little shop in California. The Doctor had enjoyed browsing for various bowties, but Clara had not, not sharing the vicious love for the neck-holding bows as the Doctor. And, on top of being dragged through the store to help the Doctor find some bowties that went with his outfit, she'd had to fill out the membership survey and would now get emails from the Planet of the Bowties every month.

Upon asking why in the world she was the one who had to do that, the Doctor had replied:

"It's because you have a name, obviously, Clara. If we want to get free bowties, we need something valid to put in the survey, and you're the one who's actually got one."

That was something that had always bothered Clara…the fact that the Doctor had never given her a name. Surely, he had one…but then why was he so against her knowing it?

"Doctor?" she asked, interrupting more of the Doctor's bowtie-ranting. He paused, looking off-put, and then looked at her.

"Yes, Clara?" he asked, smiling a little.

Clara took a deep breath and smiled in response. "Back in the shop, you said you didn't have a name. We both know that was a downright lie, and that you do have one…if I guess it, will you tell me?"

Just as the Doctor opened his mouth to answer, Clara heard a sort of popping-whoosh sound from behind her and could see that the Doctor now looked both amused and something else entirely.

"You…" he said and Clara turned around to see that the popping-whoosh sound had resulted in the appearance of a girl. She was taller than her, and almost blonde, with pale skin and dark green eyes. She was dressed in a pair of tight jeans with black leather, heeled boots, and a black tank-top, a smirk on her face, and some weird kind of metallic device on her wrist.

"Doctor," she said, her smile widening, white teeth latching onto her bottom lip. Clara stood and stared, not entirely sure how to react. This girl seemed familiar, but she'd never seen her before.

"Katrina Lycanthrope, where have you been?" the Doctor asked in a half scolding, half amazed voice, walking forward to stand in front of the girl. "It's been too long…the last time you were here, so were…"

The Katrina girl nodded, stopping the Doctor from saying anything else. "I know. I'm sorry…I've been extremely busy, but I'll visit you more, promise. Okay?"

The Doctor nodded and the girl smiled again.

"E-Excuse me?" Clara asked, not sure exactly why she felt intimidated by this, possibly human, girl. Katrina turned to look at her and raised an eyebrow.

"So you have this one now…the Impossible Girl. I must admit, I had a hard time accepting you were the new companion, for reasons of my own…but you're not as bad as I had figured. What is throwing me off, though, is this new Tardis layout. It's so…mechanic. It looks like the teletubbie kitchen or something. No offense," she tacked on at the end and the Tardis made some sort of noise in response.

"You've been spending too much time with the Master if you know what that looks like…" the Doctor mumbled and Katrina shrugged, walking around the controls and touching them gently.

"Yeah, I probably have been…he showed up while I was working out the other day and stole my laptop. It was kind of rude…but after that, we went out for ice cream and then I went home to stay with my boyfriend for a while. His name is David, you'd like him a lot, I think," she said and then looked up. "In any case…what were y'all doing before I showed up?"

"I was going to try to guess the Doctor's real name," responded Clara and Katrina turned around, her smile the widest she'd seen yet from the girl.

"Seriously? Can I play too?"

"Sure," Clara answered before the Doctor could protest. He just sighed and nodded, motioning with his arm for them to begin.

"Is your name…Toby?" asked Katrina and the Doctor wrinkled his nose, shaking his head.

"Do I look like a Toby to you?" he asked in response, his tone of voice almost astonished at the thought. Katrina shrugged.

"It was just a guess… your turn, Clara."

"Is your name Leon?"

"No," replied the Doctor.

Their conversation went on for several hours, the girls almost running out of names to guess before they finally gave up.

"You couldn't guess it," the Doctor said and smiled. Clara frowned and Katrina looked relatively indifferent to the outcome.

"I know. But you weren't going to tell us anyway, were you?" Katrina asked and smiled a little. "Don't even try to deny it, I know you too well for that."

Sighing, the Doctor nodded.

"See, Clara? He wouldn't have told us either way. It's best if we just leave it."

"Fine…" Clara sighed. She wasn't happy about how this had turned out. She really wanted to know.

"Watch as the Doctor is really just called 'Jim' or 'Matt' or something easy like that…" Katrina said before laughing and shaking her head. The Doctor looked down, suggesting to the girls that his name really might have been one of those. But before Clara could comment, Katrina stood up from where she'd sat down on the floor and brushed off her legs. "Well, I'm off. I have to go bother Jack or something. It's been ages since I bothered him."

And with that, she left in an equally loud popping-whoosh sound as before.

Clara turned to the Doctor.

"She was right, wasn't she? Is your name Matt?" she asked and the Doctor shook his head.

"Of course not," he said, but Clara was only half convinced. From that moment onward, in her head, she referred to the Doctor strictly as 'Matt', right name or not.


	58. The End Has Arrived

**In Which…**

_The End Has Arrived_

Something felt wrong, the Doctor thought to himself as he sat in the doorway of the Tardis, his legs dangling over the nothingness of space. The universe felt…off, somehow, and he didn't know why, as much as he hated to admit it. He'd never felt something like this before, and it was disconcerting beyond belief.

"Doctor..?" Clara asked, walking up behind him and kneeling down. The Impossible Girl touched his shoulder and the Doctor looked up with a tensed and stoic expression on his face.

"Something happened, Clara," he muttered, "something strange, something irreversible…something wrong."

"What happened?" whispered the companion, but the Doctor shook his head. He didn't want to lie to the girl, though that was what he did best.

Standing up, he lead the girl away from the doors and shut them, walking over to the controls and looking at the Tardis dash carefully.

"Where do we need to go, old girl?" he asked and the Tardis hummed, starting her engines and moving through the Time Vortex to their predestined location.

* * *

><p>The Doctor felt strange.<p>

He'd felt strange ever since he'd been created, a half human-half time lord version of his previous self, but today, he felt even stranger.

Looking up, he saw a dim shape in the distance, a silhouette on the roof of the flat with the shiny red car parked in front. He walked closer to it and saw the shadowy form slip in through the upper windows of the flat.

Deciding to not bother whomever lived there, he sat down on the porch, waiting for the shadow to leave the house. He didn't know why, but the Doctor felt the need to follow it, whatever it may be.

* * *

><p>"Amy," Rory said, walking out of the kitchen with a large bowl of cake batter and smiling at his wife. The ginger looked up from the couch and grinned back.<p>

"Ah, that'd better be for me," she joked in return and Rory's smile grew. Harold, the cat, walked up and jumped onto the cushion next to Amy, curling up into a small, fluffy, white ball. The ginger woman reached out and stroked his head lovingly. After their first cat, Harold, had been found out to be a Time Lord, Rory had bought a new fluffy white kitten for his wife, hoping that she hadn't noticed the difference between the two, which she hadn't. This version of Harold, who he called in his head 'Harold the Second', was a lot more cat-like than the original, and hopefully not a deranged Time Lord named The Master.

"You want a taste?" he asked, walking forward and handing his wife the spoon he'd been using to stir. Amy licked it, laughing a small laugh.

"This is an amazing batch," Amy said. "Much better than that cake the Doctor made that time…remember? He put avocado in it."

Rory laughed. "Yes, I remember."

He leaned in and kissed his wife gently, tasting the lingering traces of cake batter on her lips as he did, pulling back a few seconds after the motion was initiated.

"I love you," Amy said and Rory echoed her back.

He really did love her more than anything.

But something felt off. Something was missing…

* * *

><p>"It was the best thing, Ianto," Jack enthused, taking a sip of his coffee and adjusting the right strap of his suspenders. "The Doctor Who television show is still going on, but it was so fascinating… everything the Doctor's done, all put on screen. And they made a spin off about us! Isn't it awesome?"<p>

Ianto smiled and nodded, but stood up.

"Captain, I need to go finish up the papers," he explained. "Lycanthrope sure left a lot to be done, didn't she?"

Jack's excitement fell slightly at the mention of the girl. He still couldn't believe it, what she had decided to do. He was sure he would get over it eventually…but the girl had even brought his coat back, and he just didn't understand.

Something was definitely wrong.

* * *

><p>As the Tardis finished materializing, the Doctor and Clara walked out, looking around. They were inside of some sort of concert hall, the soft sounds of a cello issuing from behind the drawn, red velvet curtains of the stage.<p>

The Doctor couldn't help but feel uneasy as he lead Clara to the row of seats in the front and sat down, folding his hands in his lap and waiting.

As the music came to a close, five beams of light appeared from the sky, the light fading to reveal the Master, Amy, Rory, the human version of his former self, and Jack. All but the Master looked genuinely confused at the situation, but the elder Time Lord just looked somber. Something definitely had happened, just as the Doctor predicted.

"Who are all these people?" Clara asked him, but the Doctor shook his head, restraining himself from acting on the thought of jumping Amy and Rory as soon as they came close to him.

"My friends," answered a voice, causing everyone to jump slightly and look up.

The curtain of the stage had pulled back to reveal a girl, no older than eighteen, with shoulder length blonde-ish hair, and bright gray-green eyes. It was Katrina, dressed in a pair of black jeans, a white tank top, and a leather jacket, feet enclosed in black combat boots, and guns slung over her shoulders and in hip holsters. On her wrist lay the vortex manipulator she'd always worn, but her face didn't wear the same jovial smirk the Doctor knew. "Sit," she said and everyone did just that. "Now, all of you sans the Master are probably wondering why I brought you here…"

There was a pause and she sighed, looking up and then back at the seven people in the crowd. She didn't know if she could go through with it after all, but she had to.

"I brought you here because…" she tried, choking a little on her words and clearing her throat in response. "I brought you here to say that you've all been…you've all been absolutely amazing. You're the best friends I've ever had…and I'm going to miss you."

The Doctor felt his hearts sink.

"You're leaving me?" he whispered. The blonde nodded. "Forever..?"

"I…" she said, sighing, "not exactly forever… there's just something I need to do. Something that I've neglected to do in a very long time, and I can't avoid it anymore."

Out of her pocket, she pulled the silver pocket watch that the Doctor had remembered seeing her with once, a long time ago. He shook his head.

"No…" he said, standing up. "No, you're joking."

"I'm not joking," Katrina replied. "Not this time. I'm leaving you, Doctor, but the Writer will take my place. Do you understand?"

"I don't want to understand," said 10.5, standing up also and rushing on stage. "You said I owed you. Ages ago, do you remember? You saved me from the domesticated life I would've lived with Rose Tyler. Let me save you now! Please!"

Katrina looked at the human version of his past self with a look that held longing and regret. The Doctor sighed, shaking his head and sitting back down. There was nothing he could do, he knew that. The currently human girl had made up her mind and no matter how much his previous self tried, he would not change that.

"Doctor," she said, touching his arm softly. "Let me do this. It needs to end."

"Please…" 10.5 said before allowing Katrina to push him back gently.

"It'll be better off this way," explained the author. "This way, I'll become a part of your story forever. You'll never have to live without me again. This is a good thing, Doctor, I promise."

Receiving no protest, the meta-Doctor staying silent, too distraught to comment, Katrina held up the watch for the humans to see.

"This watch holds my Time Lord self," she explained. "I had entrusted it to the Master a long time ago, and he gave it back to me recently. I'm going to change back. I'm not going to leave you, no, quite the opposite. Think of it as a small personality change for the good of all of us."

After a moment of silence, she continued. "I'll miss all of you… it was really amazing to write you all, and I love you so much… but this story has to end."

With that, she held up the watch for them all to see.

Just before the button to open it was pressed, the Doctor heard two words. Two words he never thought he'd hear again and would never hear from his friend.

"Gallifrey rises!"

* * *

><p>The Writer spent the rest of her life following the Doctor, putting everything she had into annoying him. The meta-Doctor became her companion and, together, they traveled the stars.<p>

Things didn't feel like they had before, that was for sure. But the Doctor knew, deep in his hearts, that it had really been for the best.

The Universe was at peace.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, I've done it.<strong>

**I finally finished In Which...**

**I know, it's unexpected, but I felt it was time. I managed to keep this going for two years, more or less. The previous year was kind of slow, granted, but a whole lot has happened since I first started this. **

**I just didn't want to half-ass it, you know? I felt like if I kept this going, it would never be as good as it was before, and I have so many other things to do that I just can't. **

**I know, this ended sad, and I am sad. This story has been a huge part of my career as a writer, but I will always love it. This is the first thing I've ever put so much work into and it was worth every damn second.**

**I love all of you who stayed with me through this. I know, it was a bit spotty at the end, but I love you. I really do.**

**I'm crying...haha...**

**Goodbye, my lovelies.**

**For now, at least.**

**Stay amazing!**

**OnyxvanGem**


End file.
